tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16097058219012399002024-03-13T13:13:23.977-07:00Healing JourneyDr. Irina Diyankovahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17109426885406394955noreply@blogger.comBlogger37125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1609705821901239900.post-34982982396173144162020-05-29T15:12:00.000-07:002020-05-29T15:12:01.420-07:00Is it OK to Struggle?<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Is it OK to
struggle? At a first glance, this seems like a strange question. But I hear it
all the time in sessions with my clients, conversations with my friends, and in
my own head. Growing up in a </div>
<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-7Ysfp6XAFzg/XtGHWiDFlsI/AAAAAAAAFQ8/5ceAvCeaxmQQsGP0u0RcnWN7P_GRI8hegCPcBGAYYCw/s1600/iStock-1142921886.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="837" data-original-width="1254" height="213" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-7Ysfp6XAFzg/XtGHWiDFlsI/AAAAAAAAFQ8/5ceAvCeaxmQQsGP0u0RcnWN7P_GRI8hegCPcBGAYYCw/s320/iStock-1142921886.jpg" width="320" /></a>culture burdened by a lot of trauma, I received plenty
of messages about struggle being a deviation from the norm. I was told
explicitly and implicitly that if I stumble, it is my fault and I need to find
a way to fix it. Nowhere along the road of my childhood, I have ever heard that
it was OK to struggle and that struggles are a part of life. I did not know that everyone struggles at one point or another. I did not realize that struggles and crisis provide opportunities to grow and develop.<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-qi4Fvl3_zXc/XtGIMKaNPvI/AAAAAAAAFRI/CYC6-X6B-JEZC5_Sr8cQVAJGni-2yOzfQCLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/iStock-136553586.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1254" data-original-width="836" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-qi4Fvl3_zXc/XtGIMKaNPvI/AAAAAAAAFRI/CYC6-X6B-JEZC5_Sr8cQVAJGni-2yOzfQCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/iStock-136553586.jpg" width="213" /></a><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Today when clients
come to see me, they often talk about their desire to stop pain and stop
struggle and they are looking towards therapy to fix whatever might be wrong
and broken inside of them. The truth is neither me nor therapy can do this for
anyone, because we are all broken and beautiful and lovable at the same time.
Moreover, none of us have total or even significant control over our external
circumstances. No one can prevent an accident from happening, loved one dying
from an incurable disease, or a partner being fired from job. We live in the world where injustice, inequality, and prejudice are daily occurrences. Painful and
stressful things happen to us often. And, our modern culture’s
expectation that we can be happy and well at all times in the world that is as
complex and imperfect as ours is simply unrealistic, in my </div>
humble opinion. <br />
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<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So, when my
internal parts start criticizing me for struggling or being in pain, I choose
to remind them that both pain and struggle are a part of life. And, yes it
sucks to be in pain and yes, I hold them in compassion. And, no there is
absolutely nothing wrong with them and no, we are not going to look for whose
fault it is. In addition, we are not going to look on social media and compare
our insides to other people outsides and we are not going to tell ourselves that
everyone else has these wonderful lives and we are the only ones who are
struggling. This we do have control over.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span></div>
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<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-0bXwFEzdh1c/XtGGirJXX8I/AAAAAAAAFQw/j7Q_h-qxhBE2MVm3VKa9_m3NkkDcrxZkgCPcBGAYYCw/s1600/iStock-673563798.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="807" data-original-width="1300" height="198" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-0bXwFEzdh1c/XtGGirJXX8I/AAAAAAAAFQw/j7Q_h-qxhBE2MVm3VKa9_m3NkkDcrxZkgCPcBGAYYCw/s320/iStock-673563798.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
Instead, we are
going to ground and breathe and send compassion and light to pain. And, we are
going to remind ourselves that this will not last forever and it will pass too.
Meanwhile, we maybe able to find some ways to soothe whatever aches us.
Sometimes it maybe light self-massage, or a positive affirmation with tapping,
or a walk outside. At other times, it maybe journaling, doodling, talking to a
friend, or taking a nap. All of those relief practices will be combined with a
large helping of self-compassion, which is a very important ingredient, because
it does not only alleviate our suffering, it also heals our wounds. <br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>On the other
hand, giving ourselves permission to struggle does not mean that our lives
should be just that. No matter how difficult and painful things might be in the
moment, it is OK to take a break </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-nUm3kUCgDuE/XtGGl8PeLKI/AAAAAAAAFQw/o2wmslX4_PYtm221hqqOKV_fqSZ8k-4hQCPcBGAYYCw/s1600/iStock-979017354.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="836" data-original-width="1254" height="213" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-nUm3kUCgDuE/XtGGl8PeLKI/AAAAAAAAFQw/o2wmslX4_PYtm221hqqOKV_fqSZ8k-4hQCPcBGAYYCw/s320/iStock-979017354.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
from hardship. It is perfectly OK to give
yourself permission to focus on something positive and to do something
enjoyable, like having a laugh with a friend, playing with your pet, enjoying
hot beverage, reading an interesting book or watching a heart-warming movie. Our
struggles are not going anywhere. We, on the other hand, need to be renewed and
taken care of in order to continue engaging with our complex lives and facing
our growing pains. <br />
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
With love and compassion,</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Irina Diyankova</div>
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<br /></div>
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Dr. Irina Diyankovahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17109426885406394955noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1609705821901239900.post-25035362516746026772020-03-30T08:54:00.004-07:002020-03-30T08:54:57.572-07:00Dealing with direct impact of acute trauma - Part 1<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-lU7Kug9YjNA/XoIP2FPkNGI/AAAAAAAAFMI/RPtDL2uc814AZP-J--G6jI2pJwiAN9LDACLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/iStock-1207429695.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="835" data-original-width="1255" height="212" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-lU7Kug9YjNA/XoIP2FPkNGI/AAAAAAAAFMI/RPtDL2uc814AZP-J--G6jI2pJwiAN9LDACLcBGAsYHQ/s320/iStock-1207429695.jpg" width="320" /></a>This post is devoted to all people who are directly fighting
COVID-19 right now, <span style="color: black; mso-themecolor: text1;">such as individuals
who are diagnosed, patients, medical professionals, or first respond</span>ers
of all kinds.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I would like to start by stating several basic
things:<br />
1) I have a lot of compassion for your situation. I am very sorry that you are
between the rock and the hard place right now<span style="color: red;">.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
2) Your pain is real and it deserves care and respect<span style="color: red;">.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
3) There is nothing I or anyone else can do to fix your pain
and suffering; however, there is something you can do to alleviate it to some
extent – this is what the post is about<span style="color: red;">.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
4) Even though it might feel this way, you are NOT alone;
even if it feels that you are fighting for or against the whole world on your
own right now, there is at least your internal compassionate witness that is
present there with you and, at most, Higher Power (of your understanding). Of
course, there are also multiple people around the country and the world, who
are experiencing similar struggles.<br />
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In the next two posts, I will review
the impact of acute trauma on human brain and nervous system, ways to cope with
acute stress during demanding and catastrophic situations, and ways to reduce probability
of psychological traumatization, which is often an outcome of an extreme hardship.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Impact of acute
trauma</b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When we, as human
beings, face the situation of overwhelming need and suffering, which is what
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">autonomic
nervous systems</b> tend to get overwhelmed and push us out of our regular
functioning modes into <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">survival responses</b>.
For some people, it means being in the state of hyperarousal (fight or flight
response) <span style="color: black; mso-themecolor: text1;">which manifests </span>in
the increase of anxiety or agitation, frenetic energy, difficulties sleeping
with possible flight of ideas and difficulty focusing or with tunnel vision and
hyper concentration. Maintenance of this state requires a lot of internal resources.
It is not sustainable over the long term. However, a lot of first responders,
as well as doctors and nurses in critical care, will be functioning in this
state for a very long time. For other people, survival mode is associated with
the state of hypoarousal (freeze response), which manifests in slowing down of
cognitive processes, low energy levels and fatigue, depressed or blue mood,
sometimes to the point of feeling paralyzed or disconnected from themselves or
others. This is the mode that a lot of ICU patients will be finding themselves
in. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-GjxewK9yGC8/XoIP0itStQI/AAAAAAAAFMQ/0U8tknATzvceunPxQMl9v6xuNPaGutTswCEwYBhgLKs4DAMBZVoCZD7eYeqpYdTHFMQfY0ZRL5iiWVCJEHmF2EB5GOvM7eTt5Zm2rxYJeQIHl-BUE6vqj53sTyyV1oLvgBq4aTlKB3y-4tAWaSP-JVgebTse91O1xI6HTsGBLa1wfFE64rCLVB0Igzq9ZcOH_iFzorPM0lIFZEs3oIPxmR5STfSMS--zJEQOKm7ORihhjVIxgwaWMNYVhYeG6rcEH8jk5BLAFCUkZG8Jg-XmA6pq8F5eZpnXG79oM0WeCypdm_I8_A9dCvyi2VK67Vh9V-LbPKTJR6WhkipeMgOuc9736fTMuFzQnag3bHLS9Fdh9d9CDVwe2cpylf9Akl_qudgW9Muvr84jWOsraSj9i8XS93Jz12vmoGdeU7mW3ZHFEFNFsvESgr6OL2QdNUPn3j0YW8G9avMOJT_mDwG1RDg1mF_qM1DvXUTVvc1xKVcWC9DIBG6_jX5-ehiGWoOImh4n6fqV3FpXFWDP0TaoYmApJEMl_XIy2lmg2eswB9F1Qof9C1YbaQVQ_IU-8nqTgeWhhoq5tJi8smIBNX_xPlAHnLrvnNky3NxtbLdCVqP1uwdRIpz47IxEN_gNLW5kGXkGp2mmB7AO-JkrkCpmSMKiwiPQF/s1600/iStock-1144377258.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="836" data-original-width="1254" height="213" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-GjxewK9yGC8/XoIP0itStQI/AAAAAAAAFMQ/0U8tknATzvceunPxQMl9v6xuNPaGutTswCEwYBhgLKs4DAMBZVoCZD7eYeqpYdTHFMQfY0ZRL5iiWVCJEHmF2EB5GOvM7eTt5Zm2rxYJeQIHl-BUE6vqj53sTyyV1oLvgBq4aTlKB3y-4tAWaSP-JVgebTse91O1xI6HTsGBLa1wfFE64rCLVB0Igzq9ZcOH_iFzorPM0lIFZEs3oIPxmR5STfSMS--zJEQOKm7ORihhjVIxgwaWMNYVhYeG6rcEH8jk5BLAFCUkZG8Jg-XmA6pq8F5eZpnXG79oM0WeCypdm_I8_A9dCvyi2VK67Vh9V-LbPKTJR6WhkipeMgOuc9736fTMuFzQnag3bHLS9Fdh9d9CDVwe2cpylf9Akl_qudgW9Muvr84jWOsraSj9i8XS93Jz12vmoGdeU7mW3ZHFEFNFsvESgr6OL2QdNUPn3j0YW8G9avMOJT_mDwG1RDg1mF_qM1DvXUTVvc1xKVcWC9DIBG6_jX5-ehiGWoOImh4n6fqV3FpXFWDP0TaoYmApJEMl_XIy2lmg2eswB9F1Qof9C1YbaQVQ_IU-8nqTgeWhhoq5tJi8smIBNX_xPlAHnLrvnNky3NxtbLdCVqP1uwdRIpz47IxEN_gNLW5kGXkGp2mmB7AO-JkrkCpmSMKiwiPQF/s320/iStock-1144377258.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
you are facing right now, our <br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is also common
for folks to go between these two modes multiple times a week. For example,
being in “fight or flight” state at work and then shifting into “freeze” response
once off the shift. Living in either one of these states for a long period of
time is very taxing for our bodies and our souls<span style="color: black; mso-themecolor: text1;">. It </span>often leads to us being more traumatized in
the end of the catastrophic situations. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>On the level of
the <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">brain</b>, when we are outside of
our regular nervous system functioning mode, our frontal lobes tend to go
offline. They are responsible for us being able to critically evaluate
situations and make sound decisions based on facts and data. When we don’t have
access to these areas of our brains, we tend to make more mistakes and lapses
in judgment. At the same time, amygdala, the area of our brains that processes
threats, gets over-activated and pushes us to look at events and people through
the lenses of fear and danger. This often results in us being overly reactive
and impulsive in our decisions and actions.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In terms of our <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">psychological and social functioning</b>, <span style="color: black; mso-themecolor: text1;">the </span>shift into survival mode
often leads to us feeling disconnected and alone. Empathizing with ourselves
and others becomes a real challenge. We may feel anxious, angry, sad,
overwhelmed, guilty, ashamed or a combination of those emotions most of the
time. We may become intolerant of other people’s traits, actions, mistakes. We
may also develop negative and/or hopeless perspective on the world, future, or
our own prospects. <span style="color: black; mso-themecolor: text1;">It may become
</span>difficult to stay embodied, meaning connected to our bodies and aware of
our needs. We may struggle with balancing other people’s needs and demands with
our own needs. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Coping with acute
stress</b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When we are in
the middle of <span style="color: black; mso-themecolor: text1;">a</span><span style="color: red;"> </span>critical situation we often need to “collect
ourselves” and act. In these circumstances we often have to neglect our own
needs. We are often called to do more than we humanely can. How can one cope
with those overloading demands? Few suggestions below are not a <span style="color: black; mso-themecolor: text1;">cure</span><span style="color: red;"> </span>or
a magic wand; however, following them may help take some pressure off.</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-0oNPfmtJsgM/XoIP1BkREPI/AAAAAAAAFMQ/oJjz6rE1e6Uyc6FGClCiUN7kII_s1UhawCEwYBhgLKs4DAMBZVoCZD7eYeqpYdTHFMQfY0ZRL5iiWVCJEHmF2EB5GOvM7eTt5Zm2rxYJeQIHl-BUE6vqj53sTyyV1oLvgBq4aTlKB3y-4tAWaSP-JVgebTse91O1xI6HTsGBLa1wfFE64rCLVB0Igzq9ZcOH_iFzorPM0lIFZEs3oIPxmR5STfSMS--zJEQOKm7ORihhjVIxgwaWMNYVhYeG6rcEH8jk5BLAFCUkZG8Jg-XmA6pq8F5eZpnXG79oM0WeCypdm_I8_A9dCvyi2VK67Vh9V-LbPKTJR6WhkipeMgOuc9736fTMuFzQnag3bHLS9Fdh9d9CDVwe2cpylf9Akl_qudgW9Muvr84jWOsraSj9i8XS93Jz12vmoGdeU7mW3ZHFEFNFsvESgr6OL2QdNUPn3j0YW8G9avMOJT_mDwG1RDg1mF_qM1DvXUTVvc1xKVcWC9DIBG6_jX5-ehiGWoOImh4n6fqV3FpXFWDP0TaoYmApJEMl_XIy2lmg2eswB9F1Qof9C1YbaQVQ_IU-8nqTgeWhhoq5tJi8smIBNX_xPlAHnLrvnNky3NxtbLdCVqP1uwdRIpz47IxEN_gNLW5kGXkGp2mmB7AO-JkrkCpmSMKiwiPQF/s1600/iStock-1078091052.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="833" data-original-width="1258" height="209" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-0oNPfmtJsgM/XoIP1BkREPI/AAAAAAAAFMQ/oJjz6rE1e6Uyc6FGClCiUN7kII_s1UhawCEwYBhgLKs4DAMBZVoCZD7eYeqpYdTHFMQfY0ZRL5iiWVCJEHmF2EB5GOvM7eTt5Zm2rxYJeQIHl-BUE6vqj53sTyyV1oLvgBq4aTlKB3y-4tAWaSP-JVgebTse91O1xI6HTsGBLa1wfFE64rCLVB0Igzq9ZcOH_iFzorPM0lIFZEs3oIPxmR5STfSMS--zJEQOKm7ORihhjVIxgwaWMNYVhYeG6rcEH8jk5BLAFCUkZG8Jg-XmA6pq8F5eZpnXG79oM0WeCypdm_I8_A9dCvyi2VK67Vh9V-LbPKTJR6WhkipeMgOuc9736fTMuFzQnag3bHLS9Fdh9d9CDVwe2cpylf9Akl_qudgW9Muvr84jWOsraSj9i8XS93Jz12vmoGdeU7mW3ZHFEFNFsvESgr6OL2QdNUPn3j0YW8G9avMOJT_mDwG1RDg1mF_qM1DvXUTVvc1xKVcWC9DIBG6_jX5-ehiGWoOImh4n6fqV3FpXFWDP0TaoYmApJEMl_XIy2lmg2eswB9F1Qof9C1YbaQVQ_IU-8nqTgeWhhoq5tJi8smIBNX_xPlAHnLrvnNky3NxtbLdCVqP1uwdRIpz47IxEN_gNLW5kGXkGp2mmB7AO-JkrkCpmSMKiwiPQF/s320/iStock-1078091052.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: #7030a0; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">1.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span></i></b><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: #7030a0;">Protecting your
vulnerabilities.<br />
</span></i></b><span style="color: black; mso-themecolor: text1;">It is important
to shield tender and vulnerable sides of you. We all have them, and we all get
hurt when they are present in the harsh environments. So, let us focus on
several steps of protection. (If you have even a few minutes after you read
this article and there is only one practice you can do, I invite you to focus
on the next three steps of protection.) <br />
<u>Step 1. Create an internal safe place.<br />
</u><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Simply imagine a place where
young and tender aspects of you will be comfortable. It maybe a cabin in the
woods, a bungalow on the beach, or a cave in the mountains, or anything else
that calls your name. Really develop this place in your mind’s eye so that you
can see the colors and experience the smells. Your vulnerable parts can have
anything they need for life and comfort in that spot, for example, food, pets, blankets,
toys, etc. Now, invite your young and vulnerable sides to come to that place
and explain to them that this is a place for them to be when you are in crisis
situation, whether it is at your work, in the hospital, in the ICU or somewhere
else. <br />
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you are not a very visual person,
you can create a safe place in your body, such as behind your heart or in your
gut. <br />
<u>Step 2. Invite your parts to stay in a safe place</u><br />
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Before you go into a high demand,
scary, or crisis situation, invite your vulnerable aspects to go to a safe
place and stay there until you let them know it is over. Let them know that
they do not have to participate in anything that is about to happen or track
anything. They can simply put headphones on and rest or do what they like.
Reassure them that adult sides of you can take care of work or crisis and that
you will let them know when it is safe to come out. <br />
<u>Step 3. Check in or invite parts out. </u>(very important and makes the
whole practice work).<br />
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When you reach respite, whether it
is the end of the shift, temporary relief from pain, or any other moment of
safety, check in with the parts in a safe place to let them know you remember
them and reassure they are not alone. When the situation is over, let the parts
know that they can come out of the safe place and join you again. Please, do
not simply exile or abandon your younger and vulnerable parts in that safe
place. It will be hurtful rather than helpful in the long run. </span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: #7030a0;"></span></i></b></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">2.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: #7030a0;">Checking,
keeping, and regaining perspective. <br />
</span></i></b>In the midst of chaos, it is very easy to forget simple facts.
When you have a moment to breathe, maybe when you are going to the bathroom or
before you pass out in your bed, remind yourself:<br />
* the situation is much bigger than you<br />
* you are only ONE person doing the best they can<br />
*it will pass too<br />
*Higher Power (God, Community, Family, whatever calls your name) is there for
you and has your back</div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">3.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: #7030a0;">Hand on the heart
–</span></i><span style="color: #7030a0;"> 1 min practice</span></b></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-m_vGGrPBC_k/XoIP08y5hBI/AAAAAAAAFMY/-IXKD4tvB5wNy3gXKWxxA3h_1MmvgOkmQCEwYBhgLKs4DAMBZVoCZD7eYeqpYdTHFMQfY0ZRL5iiWVCJEHmF2EB5GOvM7eTt5Zm2rxYJeQIHl-BUE6vqj53sTyyV1oLvgBq4aTlKB3y-4tAWaSP-JVgebTse91O1xI6HTsGBLa1wfFE64rCLVB0Igzq9ZcOH_iFzorPM0lIFZEs3oIPxmR5STfSMS--zJEQOKm7ORihhjVIxgwaWMNYVhYeG6rcEH8jk5BLAFCUkZG8Jg-XmA6pq8F5eZpnXG79oM0WeCypdm_I8_A9dCvyi2VK67Vh9V-LbPKTJR6WhkipeMgOuc9736fTMuFzQnag3bHLS9Fdh9d9CDVwe2cpylf9Akl_qudgW9Muvr84jWOsraSj9i8XS93Jz12vmoGdeU7mW3ZHFEFNFsvESgr6OL2QdNUPn3j0YW8G9avMOJT_mDwG1RDg1mF_qM1DvXUTVvc1xKVcWC9DIBG6_jX5-ehiGWoOImh4n6fqV3FpXFWDP0TaoYmApJEMl_XIy2lmg2eswB9F1Qof9C1YbaQVQ_IU-8nqTgeWhhoq5tJi8smIBNX_xPlAHnLrvnNky3NxtbLdCVqP1uwdRIpz47IxEN_gNLW5kGXkGp2mmB7AO-JkrkCpmSMKiwiPQF/s1600/iStock-1162414706.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="836" data-original-width="1253" height="213" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-m_vGGrPBC_k/XoIP08y5hBI/AAAAAAAAFMY/-IXKD4tvB5wNy3gXKWxxA3h_1MmvgOkmQCEwYBhgLKs4DAMBZVoCZD7eYeqpYdTHFMQfY0ZRL5iiWVCJEHmF2EB5GOvM7eTt5Zm2rxYJeQIHl-BUE6vqj53sTyyV1oLvgBq4aTlKB3y-4tAWaSP-JVgebTse91O1xI6HTsGBLa1wfFE64rCLVB0Igzq9ZcOH_iFzorPM0lIFZEs3oIPxmR5STfSMS--zJEQOKm7ORihhjVIxgwaWMNYVhYeG6rcEH8jk5BLAFCUkZG8Jg-XmA6pq8F5eZpnXG79oM0WeCypdm_I8_A9dCvyi2VK67Vh9V-LbPKTJR6WhkipeMgOuc9736fTMuFzQnag3bHLS9Fdh9d9CDVwe2cpylf9Akl_qudgW9Muvr84jWOsraSj9i8XS93Jz12vmoGdeU7mW3ZHFEFNFsvESgr6OL2QdNUPn3j0YW8G9avMOJT_mDwG1RDg1mF_qM1DvXUTVvc1xKVcWC9DIBG6_jX5-ehiGWoOImh4n6fqV3FpXFWDP0TaoYmApJEMl_XIy2lmg2eswB9F1Qof9C1YbaQVQ_IU-8nqTgeWhhoq5tJi8smIBNX_xPlAHnLrvnNky3NxtbLdCVqP1uwdRIpz47IxEN_gNLW5kGXkGp2mmB7AO-JkrkCpmSMKiwiPQF/s320/iStock-1162414706.jpg" width="320" /></a></b></div>
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><br />
</b><span style="color: black; mso-themecolor: text1;">For the next minute,
bring your hand to your heart area, focus on the contact between your palm and
your chest, feel the warmth emanating from your hand and say to yourself
something like: “I know this situation really sucks. I know it is hard and
painful, and I am sorry. I see that you are doing your best. I love you and I
accept you just the way you are.” Feel free to modify those phrases so that
they sound true and authentic to you. The important thing is that words express
validation, understanding, and acceptance of you as a person. </span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-OBJcO9DF7vU/XoIVI85cfKI/AAAAAAAAFMk/z_xNQ7EsVsIOF7Lop7LagTjFChvWS94LACEwYBhgLKs4DAMBZVoCZD7eYeqpYdTHFMQfY0ZRL5iiWVCJEHmF2EB5GOvM7eTt5Zm2rxYJeQIHl-BUE6vqj53sTyyV1oLvgBq4aTlKB3y-4tAWaSP-JVgebTse91O1xI6HTsGBLa1wfFE64rCLVB0Igzq9ZcOH_iFzorPM0lIFZEs3oIPxmR5STfSMS--zJEQOKm7ORihhjVIxgwaWMNYVhYeG6rcEH8jk5BLAFCUkZG8Jg-XmA6pq8F5eZpnXG79oM0WeCypdm_I8_A9dCvyi2VK67Vh9V-LbPKTJR6WhkipeMgOuc9736fTMuFzQnag3bHLS9Fdh9d9CDVwe2cpylf9Akl_qudgW9Muvr84jWOsraSj9i8XS93Jz12vmoGdeU7mW3ZHFEFNFsvESgr6OL2QdNUPn3j0YW8G9avMOJT_mDwG1RDg1mF_qM1DvXUTVvc1xKVcWC9DIBG6_jX5-ehiGWoOImh4n6fqV3FpXFWDP0TaoYmApJEMl_XIy2lmg2eswB9F1Qof9C1YbaQVQ_IU-8nqTgeWhhoq5tJi8smIBNX_xPlAHnLrvnNky3NxtbLdCVqP1uwdRIpz47IxEN_gNLW5kGXkGp2mmB7AO-JkrkCpmSMKiwiPQF/s1600/iStock-954103542.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1254" data-original-width="837" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-OBJcO9DF7vU/XoIVI85cfKI/AAAAAAAAFMk/z_xNQ7EsVsIOF7Lop7LagTjFChvWS94LACEwYBhgLKs4DAMBZVoCZD7eYeqpYdTHFMQfY0ZRL5iiWVCJEHmF2EB5GOvM7eTt5Zm2rxYJeQIHl-BUE6vqj53sTyyV1oLvgBq4aTlKB3y-4tAWaSP-JVgebTse91O1xI6HTsGBLa1wfFE64rCLVB0Igzq9ZcOH_iFzorPM0lIFZEs3oIPxmR5STfSMS--zJEQOKm7ORihhjVIxgwaWMNYVhYeG6rcEH8jk5BLAFCUkZG8Jg-XmA6pq8F5eZpnXG79oM0WeCypdm_I8_A9dCvyi2VK67Vh9V-LbPKTJR6WhkipeMgOuc9736fTMuFzQnag3bHLS9Fdh9d9CDVwe2cpylf9Akl_qudgW9Muvr84jWOsraSj9i8XS93Jz12vmoGdeU7mW3ZHFEFNFsvESgr6OL2QdNUPn3j0YW8G9avMOJT_mDwG1RDg1mF_qM1DvXUTVvc1xKVcWC9DIBG6_jX5-ehiGWoOImh4n6fqV3FpXFWDP0TaoYmApJEMl_XIy2lmg2eswB9F1Qof9C1YbaQVQ_IU-8nqTgeWhhoq5tJi8smIBNX_xPlAHnLrvnNky3NxtbLdCVqP1uwdRIpz47IxEN_gNLW5kGXkGp2mmB7AO-JkrkCpmSMKiwiPQF/s320/iStock-954103542.jpg" width="213" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">4.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #7030a0;">Mindful Movement<br />
</span></b><span style="color: black; mso-themecolor: text1;">It does not have to
be anything fancy like a yoga practice or a pilates session. Simply walking
down the hall with the full attention to your feet hitting the ground and
awareness of your breath is a potent way to bring yourself inside of your body
and regulate your brain and your nervous system. Some other ideas here for
variety:<br />
* Arm lifts: from standing upright or sitting in the chair with a straight back
and an open chest, raise both of your arms on inhalation and release them in
exhalation – <a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="OLE_LINK2"></a><a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="OLE_LINK1"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;">repeat 5-7 times, using breath as a vehicle for
motion.<br />
</span></a>* Balancing rises: from standing upright, with both of your feet on
the ground, rise to your toes extending your arms out on the inhalation, bring
your heels to the ground and hands to your heart/chest on the exhalation -
repeat 5-7 times, using breath as a vehicle for motion.<br />
* For more one minute movement ideas, visit my YouTube channel at: </span><a href="http://www.youtube.com/c/IrinaDiyankova"><span style="color: blue; font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">http://www.youtube.com/c/IrinaDiyankova</span></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: black; mso-themecolor: text1;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span></span></b><span style="color: black; mso-themecolor: text1;">Steps 2-4 are
mini practices. Each takes only a minute or two to perform. They</span><span style="color: red;"> </span><span style="color: black; mso-themecolor: text1;">can be
used individually and multiple times a day to create a moment of regulation and
a moment of calm. The more frequently you practice, the more resilience you
will create and tap into. There is no need for perfection. If you forget for a
day, a week or a month to do those things, you always have a chance in this
next coming moment to choose to practice one of them. </span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraph" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">5.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #7030a0;">Clean the slate</span></b><br />
Ideally, we will do it every 24 hours. However, when we are in crisis
situations it is not always possible. I suggest that you take a few minutes
before you fall asleep or while you are in the shower to release the day
(previous 48 hours or week). With every exhalation, release pressure, tension,
physical pain, negative thoughts. Ask white light to surround you and bring
safety, love, joy, connection, forgiveness or something else your system
desperately needs in the moment. Extend compassion to yourself.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I would like to
end part 1 of this post with a <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #7030a0;">brief summary</span></b>. Crisis situations often push us
into survival mode, which can help us deal with life and death. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="color: black; mso-themecolor: text1;">While
it </span>could be useful in a short-term, <span style="color: black; mso-themecolor: text1;">it really tends to </span>hurt us in a long-term. So, we don’t want to
live and function in this mode. I discussed five different strategies that can
help shift from survival into regular mode of functioning and provide <span style="color: black; mso-themecolor: text1;">a</span><span style="color: red;"> </span>needed
respite. These strategies are very brief and could be utilized multiple times a
day to create mini breaks for the nervous system, brain, and mind. Using these
practices on a regular basis may also<span style="color: red;"> </span>protect us
from a long-term negative impact of acute stress. </div>
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Dr. Irina Diyankovahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17109426885406394955noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1609705821901239900.post-30048565117789204062020-03-17T15:28:00.002-07:002020-03-18T11:58:15.719-07:00During Crisis Time<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<br />
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<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-2RmxLK7xHyk/XnFNvsrGUCI/AAAAAAAAFJ0/uUXX4kjLPc0BA-HDS9iNjfSRrzFB7VazwCLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/iStock-1146766974.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="766" data-original-width="1368" height="111" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-2RmxLK7xHyk/XnFNvsrGUCI/AAAAAAAAFJ0/uUXX4kjLPc0BA-HDS9iNjfSRrzFB7VazwCLcBGAsYHQ/s200/iStock-1146766974.jpg" width="200" /></a><span style="font-family: "times new roman";"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As I am reflecting on the state of
developing national and international crisis, I am noticing my own protective
parts shifting into survival mode and getting activated. I hear internal
messages of fear, lack, deprivation, stress. I am noticing my body tensing up
and my breathing becoming shallow. When I look outside myself I see a lot of
fearful behaviors and messages. It seems like the world is rolling out of
control in one huge ball of fear and panic. So, how do I preserve my sanity and
stability? How can I support you, my clients and readers, as your healing journeys
get even more complicated by the first in our lifetimes pandemic that is deeply
affecting livelihoods of communities and nations around the world?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman";"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-9dCQU7xztmI/XnFNwBVCJ1I/AAAAAAAAFKM/OPWnS7MmXz4XUPePwikDBdAdGgLI4XJXQCEwYBhgL/s1600/iStock-490277346.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1024" data-original-width="1024" height="200" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-9dCQU7xztmI/XnFNwBVCJ1I/AAAAAAAAFKM/OPWnS7MmXz4XUPePwikDBdAdGgLI4XJXQCEwYBhgL/s200/iStock-490277346.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
I do it in <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #7030a0;">four small steps</span></b>, one at a time.
As a <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #e98ced;">first step,</span></b><span style="color: #8497b0; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #8497B0; mso-style-textfill-fill-colortransforms: "lumm=60000 lumo=40000"; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: text2; mso-themecolor: text2; mso-themetint: 153;"> </span>I
put my two feet on the ground and take a couple of deep breaths. As I inhale, I
expand my belly. As I exhale, I contract it. I ask my nervous system and my
brain to notice that I still have support of the ground underneath me. Then, I take
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #e98ced;">second step</span></b><span style="color: #e98ced;"> </span>by reaching towards my Higher Self, which to me
is the Universe (for you it might be something different, such as Nature,
Higher Power, Community, God, Spirit, or something else) that supports all of
us energetically and spiritually. And, I ask Universe and then allow it to have
my back. <br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Afterwards, I take <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #e98ced;">third step</span></b><span style="color: #e98ced;"> by </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>repeating
to myself: “I am OK here now. I am supported. I am working through it one step
at a time. And, Higher Power has my back”, <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>while continuing to breath deeply, with both
of my feet on the ground and my back protected by the Universe. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Finally, in my <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #e98ced;">fourth step</span></b>, I am sending this
energy of compassion, calmness, and support to the parts of me that are
worried, fearful, angry, lonely, sad or struggling in some other way. I remind
them that I love and accept them just as they are.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
may need to practice these three steps many times a day during the next several
weeks or months. Sometimes it will create only a fleeting relief or none at
all. However, I know that I can always come back to this practice and use it as
an anchor to support me throughout critical times.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Next, I invite you to <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #e98ced;">take these four steps with me</span></b><span style="color: #e98ced;"> </span>by following the instructions below:</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-kAefeiOtjb4/XnFNwicLLZI/AAAAAAAAFJ8/tk5BO-C_AAsTJCvyHFfTXKmIMuI35CHvACLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/iStock-960602000.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="836" data-original-width="1254" height="133" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-kAefeiOtjb4/XnFNwicLLZI/AAAAAAAAFJ8/tk5BO-C_AAsTJCvyHFfTXKmIMuI35CHvACLcBGAsYHQ/s200/iStock-960602000.jpg" width="200" /></a><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">1.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">Please,
stand up. With both of your feet on the floor or ground, gently push them down
and feel into the support of Earth underneath you. Breathe into your feet. Ask your
nervous system and brain, ask with compassion and understanding, to notice that
you are firmly standing on your two feet and you are supported by gravity.</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">2.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">While
continuing to stand with both of your feet on the ground reach physically,
emotionally, and spiritually through your compassionate and loving core towards
the Higher Power of your choice, which maybe Nature, Community, Universe, God,
Spirit, or something else. Ask this Entity to have your back. Lean into it,
breathe into it, absorb it. </span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">3.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">While
continuing to breathe deeply with both of your feet gently pushed into the
ground and your back towards your Higher Power, say something along the lines: “I
am OK here now. I am supported. I am working through it one step at a time.
And, Higher Power has my back”. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-LZPnTBGn_UE/XnFNvd6asOI/AAAAAAAAFKA/IcuH2nOiwq0agt0ejQ24OsSZ2e0WdXXJgCEwYBhgL/s1600/iStock-1126648987.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="836" data-original-width="1254" height="133" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-LZPnTBGn_UE/XnFNvd6asOI/AAAAAAAAFKA/IcuH2nOiwq0agt0ejQ24OsSZ2e0WdXXJgCEwYBhgL/s200/iStock-1126648987.jpg" width="200" /></a><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">4.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">Finally,
send this energy of compassion and support that you absorbed from your Higher
Power and accessed in yourself to all of your struggling parts, those that are
afraid, in pain, overwhelmed, sad and so on. Remind them that they are loved by
your compassionate core.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">After completing
these four steps, take a moment to notice how you are feeling right now. Maybe
you are breathing a bit easier? Maybe your posture is more confident? Maybe you
feel more energized? <br />If you would like to listen to the instructions for this practice, go to </span><span class="video-url-fadeable style-scope ytcp-video-metadata-info">
<a href="https://youtu.be/z3fBMzFCc7g" target="_blank">https://youtu.be/z3fBMzFCc7g</a> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If I have time and at least once a day, I
am sitting down afterwards to listen to my internal parts. I try to tend to
them with interest, compassion, serenity and patience. I invite them to share
their concerns with me, and I just witness and let them know they are heard. I
do not need to fix anything, change anything, evaluate or criticize anything. I
just need to be present. When you have a few minutes today, I invite you to do
this <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #00b050;">listening
to your parts practice</span></b><span style="color: #00b050;"> </span>and
perhaps journal for a few minutes about your experience. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am far from suggesting that if you do
the aforementioned two practices regularly, you will breeze through the crisis.
Not at all. I know that I will have tough days and overwhelming feelings at
times. However, I have my tools that I can come back to and use over and over
again to bring me back to the center. I know that I will need to do it every
day and on some days multiple times. Of course, there are more tools available
and I invite you to use as many of them as possible in the days to come. What
tends to nourish your body and your spirit? Maybe its yoga, running, walking in
the park, making art, journaling, meditating, reading uplifting books, spending
time with your pets, or talking to your loved ones. Whatever it is, I encourage
you to make a point of utilizing even more of those activities in the days and
weeks to come. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>During a day, when you have a free minute,
such as waiting on the phone, pausing in cooking a meal, washing dishes, or
laying in bed getting ready to go to sleep, I invite you to utilize the four
steps described above to reconnect with yourself and present moment. How you
and I care for ourselves and our nervous systems will make a huge difference in
how we will weather this crisis and how we will feel when it is over. I am
sending you lots of compassion and hope for the crisis time. And, I would like
to remind all of us that this will pass too. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";"></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-ZvgLW4lW94w/XnFOx3FYQVI/AAAAAAAAFKc/9nBdPdp0jOEDKSd1Kdcm3pwoiByjvAmcwCLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/iStock-1002254936.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Dr. Irina Diyankovahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17109426885406394955noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1609705821901239900.post-88792473464315950062019-12-08T12:53:00.001-08:002019-12-08T12:54:24.742-08:00Coping with Stress as a Survivor<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-IPs9TYMpbA8/Xew6Qza8ehI/AAAAAAAAFCc/SOOdFhC-CoYWqpM3tetr_sDSmMJiLwgZQCLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/iStock-1090126500.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="342" data-original-width="1019" height="132" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-IPs9TYMpbA8/Xew6Qza8ehI/AAAAAAAAFCc/SOOdFhC-CoYWqpM3tetr_sDSmMJiLwgZQCLcBGAsYHQ/s400/iStock-1090126500.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Recently I went through a few stressful
experiences that descended on me at the same time. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>was
reminded that my sensitive nervous system responds to stress differently, even
today after multiple years of therapy and yoga and other healing adventures.
This is not a cause for grief and sadness anymore but rather an opportunity to
practice what I preach to my clients and readers. </span><span style="font-family: "wingdings"; mso-ascii-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-char-type: symbol; mso-hansi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;"><span style="mso-char-type: symbol; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;"></span></span><span style="font-family: "times new roman";"></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So, let’s do a quick review of what
happens to the <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #7030a0;">Autonomic
Nervous System (ANS)</span></b><span style="color: #7030a0;"> </span>after any
complex or long-term traumatic situation. The two branches, sympathetic and
parasympathetic, get easily dysregulated and stop “talking” to each other,
which throws trauma survivor outside of <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #00b050;">the window of tolerance</span></b><span style="color: #00b050;"> </span>(or green zone, where we want to be to cope effectively)
either in the Hyperarousal or Hypoarousal. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";"> In the <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #c00000;">Hyperarousal</span></b>, we may feel
anxious/fearful/panicky or frustrated/annoyed/angry. We may have difficulty
focusing because of being all over the place, as well as difficulty sleeping
and relaxing. In the <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #843c0c; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #843C0C; mso-style-textfill-fill-colortransforms: lumm=50000; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent2; mso-themecolor: accent2; mso-themeshade: 128;">Hypoarousal</span></b>,
we may feel down or disconnected. We may have trouble thinking clearly and
making decisions. Sometimes, being in the hypoarousal zone is also associated
with difficulty knowing our needs and communicating them to other people, as
well as challenges around maintaining healthy boundaries. For more on the
review of the ANS after trauma and different ideas of how to rehabilitate it,
see my blog post from June, 2017. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>With trauma, the window of tolerance tends
to become very narrow and, as a result, a survivor is easily stressed. Little
things that might have never bothered them before (if there was before) may
become huge challenges. For example, calling utilities company to handle a mistake
on a bill or talking about work needs to the employer may be experienced as
overwhelming. Is there anything you can do about it when you are going through
a stressful period in your life, such as approaching holiday season?
ABSOLUTELY!</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I offer you a collection of different
strategies from neuroscience and Internal Family Systems (IFS) verified by my
clinical work and personal use. I divided them into two groups: 1) strategies
that produce immediate change and can be used in a difficult moment; 2)
strategies that produce long-term change, including expansion of the window of
tolerance and reducing frequency of the “freak out” moments.</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<h4 style="text-align: left;">
<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-5Ac1XVk1AGQ/Xew6v23EtYI/AAAAAAAAFCs/fb5gtY-qepoGiblUAJCGFk7PbYn-DaviQCEwYBhgL/s1600/iStock-1144627653.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="837" data-original-width="1254" height="133" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-5Ac1XVk1AGQ/Xew6v23EtYI/AAAAAAAAFCs/fb5gtY-qepoGiblUAJCGFk7PbYn-DaviQCEwYBhgL/s200/iStock-1144627653.jpg" width="200" /></a><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">1</span></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #7030a0; font-family: "times new roman";"> Immediate Change strategies</span></b><span style="font-family: "times new roman";"> <br /><span style="font-weight: normal;">are meant to be used when
you notice that you are stressed and/or outside of your window of tolerance.
They maybe used multiple times a day. Most of them take only 1-2 minutes. When you choose to practice one of those techniques, give it your full attention for that minute. Notice and celebrate even the slightest change in your state. </span></span></h4>
</div>
<ol style="text-align: left;">
<li><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: #7030a0; font-family: "times new roman";">Unblending from a part</span></i></b><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">. When you are “kicked” outside of the window of tolerance
by ANS, it often happens because one of your protective or wounded parts has
flooded you. You may acknowledge the struggle that one or several of your parts
are experiencing right now and send it/them compassion. After that ask the part
to step back, so that you can listen to it and understand what the part needs.
I am often surprised how little and trivial things could be very soothing and
reassuring to our parts, such as listen and validate part’s feelings, or give
it permission to do or not do something, or speak for the part in some
relationship.</span></li>
<li><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: #7030a0; font-family: "times new roman";">Deep breathing</span></i></b><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">. </span></i><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">When you notice that your body is tensing up or level of irritability
is increasing or some other sign that you are moving outside of the window of
tolerance, take a moment and focus on your breathing. First notice, without
judgement what your breathing pattern is like. Then work on lengthening your exhalation,
so that it becomes a little longer then an inhalation. Count how long it takes
you to inhale and then gradually increase your length of exhalation to + 3
counts. For example, if it takes you up to 3 counts to inhale, increase your
exhalation to 6 counts. Don’t get too hung up on the numbers, just work on
extending your exhalation for 5 breathing cycles or so.</span></li>
<li><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: #7030a0; font-family: "times new roman";">One yoga pose</span></i></b><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">. </span></i><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Do your favorite yoga pose with full attention to your
breath and body sensations. If you don’t have a favorite yoga pose, check out
one pose videos on my youtube channel at: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/irinadiyankova">https://www.youtube.com/irinadiyankova</a> for some inspiration.<span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: #7030a0; font-family: "times new roman";">One minute PAUSE</span></i></b><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">.
Stop whatever you are doing for just one minute, even 30 seconds would be good.
Put your feet on the ground. Take a deep breath and remind yourself that you
are OK here now. Repeat as many times as necessary. And, then take a moment to
remember that you have all kinds or internal and external resources today and
that you have coped with lots in the past. You can find a one minute video of a waterfall on my youtube channel that goes nicely with this practice. <span style="background-color: purple;"></span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "times new roman";"><b><span style="color: purple;"><i>Self-hug</i>. </span></b>Give yourself a heartfelt hug and send compassion to all of your internal parts and your system as a whole for the pain that you are experiencing in the moment. Take a moment to really notice and enjoy this experience. </span></li>
</ol>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #7030a0; font-family: "times new roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">2.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span></b><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #7030a0; font-family: "times new roman";">Long-term and
rehabilitation strategies</span></b></div>
<ol style="text-align: left;">
<li><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: #7030a0; font-family: "times new roman";">Daily parts’ conference</span></i></b><span style="color: #7030a0; font-family: "times new roman";"> </span><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">is
an excellent preventative practice, which comes especially handy during
stressful times. It works the best when you are consistent with it and parts
“know” when to expect your attention. It can be as simple as checking in with
your parts for 2-3 min before you go to sleep and sending all of them
compassion and love. Or it can be more formal and involved, like taking 10-15
min a day to sit in quiet, center yourself through several deep breaths, and
invite parts that would like your attention to express themselves one at a
time. When you listen to a part, do it from a neutral stance. You don’t need to
solve anything or promise anything, just your presence and attention are
enough. Afterwards, it may be helpful to jot down some notes about different
parts you heard from in your journal. </span></li>
<li><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Lrj87XiPREc/Xew6881uZJI/AAAAAAAAFCo/E7hN1TvfCTgm7zgcFz9yshQwhxToXR4bgCLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/iStock-479100114.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="481" data-original-width="726" height="212" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Lrj87XiPREc/Xew6881uZJI/AAAAAAAAFCo/E7hN1TvfCTgm7zgcFz9yshQwhxToXR4bgCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/iStock-479100114.jpg" width="320" /></a><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: #7030a0; font-family: "times new roman";">Gratitude Journal</span></i></b><span style="color: #7030a0; font-family: "times new roman";"> </span><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">is a
strategy that gradually and slowly works on shifting perspective from one of
negativity and deprivation, which is a staple mark of stress response to one of
positive expectations and abundance, which is associated with relaxation
response. It is very simple. Take a notebook or if you already have a journal,
you can use it. Give yourself 3-5 minutes in quiet to reflect and write down 3-5
different things you are grateful for that day. Those things don’t have to be
big and amazing. Anything that gave you a moment of joy or relaxation deserves
to be put on the list. For example, inhaling fresh air as you stepped outside,
exchanging smiles with someone, having a good meal, petting your cat or dog,
and so on. Of course, big things can be included as well. Reread your entries
often. With time and consistency you will notice gradual shift of your
attention from things that are not going well to the things that are.<br />
Dr. Rick Hanson, neuropsychologist and author of several practical books on
neuroscience, reminds us that what we focus on most frequently tends to grow
and expand in our minds. Given that all humans have negativity bias predetermined
by our survival orientation it is important to deliberately seek, enjoy, and
recall positive experiences on the daily basis to develop more neutral stance
and equilibrium in the functioning of the nervous system. </span></li>
<li><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: #7030a0; font-family: "times new roman";">Mindful Movement Practice. </span></i></b><span style="color: black; font-family: "times new roman"; mso-themecolor: text1;">When we
take a few minutes every day to focus on moving with intention and
self-awareness, our nervous system pays us back through developing a base of
calm and bringing us back inside that window of tolerance much quicker. Choose
movement type that you enjoy. It maybe yoga, dancing, running, walking,
swimming, something else. The key here is to focus on your breath and your body
as you are performing that activity. It does not have to be long 10-15 minutes
a day would work wonders. </span></li>
</ol>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">If
your major stressors during the holiday season are associated with the family
gatherings, I refer you to my December 2018 blog post
for some ideas on how to deal with challenging relationships during festive
times. <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #7030a0;">I
wish you a happy and healthy Holiday Season filled with self-compassion and
self-care.</span></b></span><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-R0KfTAcAGNU/Xe1e957imfI/AAAAAAAAFDQ/PCk40Sd3J1Eg6hOz0Cmu0wU0qNsWyaViwCEwYBhgL/s1600/iStock-1127778002.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="451" data-original-width="775" height="232" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-R0KfTAcAGNU/Xe1e957imfI/AAAAAAAAFDQ/PCk40Sd3J1Eg6hOz0Cmu0wU0qNsWyaViwCEwYBhgL/s400/iStock-1127778002.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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Dr. Irina Diyankovahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17109426885406394955noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1609705821901239900.post-47239156512669953742018-12-22T13:29:00.003-08:002018-12-22T13:29:47.091-08:00If holiday family gatherings are dysfunctional …<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-7OgZJJfwKhQ/XB6rQf8vnyI/AAAAAAAAEwM/qgGA3ZJnS1wLKVftV0PW-bdZ3KhEMHV5wCLcBGAs/s1600/iStock-862359304.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="836" data-original-width="1254" height="213" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-7OgZJJfwKhQ/XB6rQf8vnyI/AAAAAAAAEwM/qgGA3ZJnS1wLKVftV0PW-bdZ3KhEMHV5wCLcBGAs/s320/iStock-862359304.jpg" width="320" /></a><span style="color: black; font-family: "Avenir Next"; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Avenir Next";">Then there is a high potential
for re-wounding and re-traumatization, especially if healing on individual
and/or family levels has not been completed yet. Does it mean that we need to
spend holidays alone or with a tight circle of close and trusted friends? Not
necessarily.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><span style="color: black; font-family: "MS Mincho"; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "MS Mincho";"> </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Avenir Next"; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Avenir Next";"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "Avenir Next"; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Avenir Next";"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But what it means is that we need to tend
to our vulnerable young parts before, during, and after the family visit. Here
are some ideas of how you can protect and care for your parts during the
dysfunctional family gathering (or in any emotionally unfriendly environment):</span><span style="color: black; font-family: "MS Mincho"; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "MS Mincho";"> </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Avenir Next"; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Avenir Next";"></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: Symbol; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><b><span style="color: black; font-family: "Avenir Next"; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Avenir Next";">Before the visit</span></b><span style="color: black; font-family: "Avenir Next"; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Avenir Next";">: </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "MS Mincho"; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "MS Mincho";"></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .75in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level2 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Courier New";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">o<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: #7030a0; font-family: "Avenir Next"; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Avenir Next";">Have an
internal conversation</span></i></b><span style="color: #7030a0; font-family: "Avenir Next"; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Avenir Next";"> </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Avenir Next"; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Avenir Next";">with any parts of you that are worried about seeing the family.
Ask them what they need during the visit and discuss what you can provide. </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "MS Mincho"; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "MS Mincho";"></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .75in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level2 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Courier New";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">o<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #7030a0; font-family: "Avenir Next"; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Avenir Next";">Follow through</span></b><span style="color: #7030a0; font-family: "Avenir Next"; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Avenir Next";"> </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Avenir Next"; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Avenir Next";">on what you promised. It is really important for the <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>maintenance of internal harmony and trust to
follow through on your promises and commitments, just like it is important to
actually do what you promised in interpersonal relationships. </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "MS Mincho"; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "MS Mincho";"></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .75in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level2 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Courier New";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">o<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #7030a0; font-family: "Avenir Next"; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Avenir Next";">If there is a part or several that do not want to participate</span></b><span style="color: #7030a0; font-family: "Avenir Next"; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Avenir Next";"> </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Avenir Next"; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Avenir Next";">in a family visit or a specific
activity, you can accommodate such a request through a creation of an internal
safe place (see below for specific instructions on how to do it). Once a part
has a safe place to go to, just remind it before the visit or an activity that
it is time to go to a safe place and then let the part know when it is safe to
come out. This technique may feel strange and even uncomfortable at first;
however, when done consistently, parts often come to appreciate such an option
for safety. Please, be aware that it is not a magic wand though and your parts
may still get triggered by things happening around you. This technique just
reduces probability and intensity of such triggering. </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "MS Mincho"; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "MS Mincho";"></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .75in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level2 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Courier New";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">o<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #7030a0; font-family: "Avenir Next"; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Avenir Next";">Create a plan of how to leave dysfunctional interactions</span></b><span style="color: black; font-family: "Avenir Next"; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Avenir Next";">, as well as overall exit plan. It is good to be prepared. Ideas
for graciously leaving unwanted conversations: excusing yourself to go to the
bathroom, changing a topic to something fun (have ideas ready), inviting a
safe(r) person nearby to join your group. When you are asked a question that
you are not comfortable responding to, remember that you don’t have to. You can
always say that you would rather not talk about it or that it is a topic for a
different time and different place. If things at the gathering develop in a
negative direction for you, remember that you can always excuse yourself and
leave. It is good to have a plan prepared beforehand for such a possibility,
which includes having an independent means of transportation and a place to
stay. For transportation, if you don’t have your own car at hand, you can
always rent a car, call a cab (have a local number on hand) or use a Lyft (have
an app downloaded and ready to go beforehand). In regards to the place to stay,
have an alternative arrangement researched and ready to go, such as a friend,
who is willing to host you if needed or information about nearby hotels and
their rates/availability.</span><span style="color: black; font-family: "MS Mincho"; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "MS Mincho";"></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: Symbol; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><b><span style="color: black; font-family: "Avenir Next"; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Avenir Next";">During the visit</span></b><span style="color: black; font-family: "Avenir Next"; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Avenir Next";">: </span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .75in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level2 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Courier New";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">o<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #7030a0; font-family: "Avenir Next"; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Avenir Next";">Remember your rights and exercise them</span></b><span style="color: #7030a0; font-family: "Avenir Next"; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Avenir Next";"> </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Avenir Next"; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Avenir Next";">as needed during the visit,
such as: a) to say ”NO” to anything you are not comfortable with; b) to set the
boundaries that are healthy for you; c) to leave the situation that makes you
feel hurt, violated, or overwhelmed; d) to care for yourself and your parts.</span><span style="color: black; font-family: "MS Mincho"; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "MS Mincho";"> </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Avenir Next"; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Avenir Next";"></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-HGMwVDBDsvU/XB6sPTwDlRI/AAAAAAAAEwY/4kabtgmpJ9gO1Urg-2EjU1caKazXkkwggCLcBGAs/s1600/iStock-497490585.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="835" data-original-width="1257" height="211" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-HGMwVDBDsvU/XB6sPTwDlRI/AAAAAAAAEwY/4kabtgmpJ9gO1Urg-2EjU1caKazXkkwggCLcBGAs/s320/iStock-497490585.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .75in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level2 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Courier New";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">o<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #7030a0; font-family: "Avenir Next"; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Avenir Next";">Set, Re-set, and Maintain boundaries</span></b><span style="color: black; font-family: "Avenir Next"; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Avenir Next";">. Very often our family members have to be reminded in gentle and
firm ways about our boundaries. For example, my mother tends to forget that I
do not like being asked questions like “Are you happy?”. So, when she does it
again, I say something like: “Mom, remember we talked about it before? I do not
like questions like that and I do not answer them. So, can I tell you about
this really fun movie I watched last week instead?” When your boundaries have
been violated more than once, remind the “offender” what your consequences are.
This is an important part of teaching people to respect your boundaries. Consequences
often center around disruption of connection and maybe things like not talking
for certain period of time, leaving the situation for a short period of time, or
leaving the gathering all together. So, when you re-set the boundaries with a
person, who you know is likely to disrespect them, let that person know what
will happen if they cross your boundary again. For example: “Uncle Bob, I told
you multiple times that I do not appreciate hugs from you. If you attempt to
hug me again, I am going to turn around a walk away and I am not going to talk
to you for the next half an hour”. </span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: Symbol; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><b><span style="color: black; font-family: "Avenir Next"; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Avenir Next";">After the visit:</span></b><span style="color: black; font-family: "Avenir Next"; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Avenir Next";"> </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "MS Mincho"; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "MS Mincho";"></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .75in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level2 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Courier New";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">o<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #7030a0; font-family: "Avenir Next"; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Avenir Next";">Spend time with your parts</span></b><span style="color: black; font-family: "Avenir Next"; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Avenir Next";">,
especially the ones that were triggered during the visit. Once you are in your
own space and alone, spend at least 15-30 min with your parts, asking them
about their experiences during this latest visit with the family and listening
to them from the place of compassion and care. Journal. Care for them in the <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>ways that they ask to be cared for.</span><span style="color: black; font-family: "MS Mincho"; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "MS Mincho";"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .75in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level2 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Courier New";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">o<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #7030a0; font-family: "Avenir Next"; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Avenir Next";">If a part was hurt, </span></b><span style="color: black; font-family: "Avenir Next"; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Avenir Next"; mso-themecolor: text1;">ask it to tell you both about the present hurt and about
the past hurts that she was reminded of and perhaps relived as a result. Be
gentle. Ask the part how you can help it heal the hurt. Do what the part
requests. Ask for forgiveness, if you were not able to properly protect the
part from being re-wounded. </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "MS Mincho"; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "MS Mincho";"></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="margin-left: .75in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level2 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Courier New";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">o<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #7030a0; font-family: "Avenir Next"; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Avenir Next";">If a part hurt someone else, </span></b><span style="color: black; font-family: "Avenir Next"; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Avenir Next"; mso-themecolor: text1;">ask the part what it was trying to protect you from.
Listen and acknowledge parts reasons for acting the way it did. When the part
feels heard and understood by you, ask it if it know how its behavior affected
other people. If the part does not know, tell it. Discuss with the part ways to
remedy the situation and repair with those that were hurt. Forgive the part, it
had a positive intention of protecting your system.</span><span style="color: black; font-family: "MS Mincho"; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "MS Mincho";"></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Avenir Next"; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "MS Mincho"; mso-fareast-font-family: "MS Mincho";">How to create a safe place to
contain and protect the part that is likely to get hurt?</span></b></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-_uR3LEE8YD4/XB6sZrAcgwI/AAAAAAAAEwc/Qjj6jpmuUVczkc49uZEaYk4LplV9dqlbgCEwYBhgL/s1600/iStock-876546388.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="834" data-original-width="1258" height="212" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-_uR3LEE8YD4/XB6sZrAcgwI/AAAAAAAAEwc/Qjj6jpmuUVczkc49uZEaYk4LplV9dqlbgCEwYBhgL/s320/iStock-876546388.jpg" width="320" /></a></b></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-_uR3LEE8YD4/XB6sZrAcgwI/AAAAAAAAEwc/qgO1PyDH17w5d7MjwX9iHdUowAG6xWSMACLcBGAs/s1600/iStock-876546388.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"></a><span style="color: black; font-family: "Avenir Next"; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "MS Mincho"; mso-fareast-font-family: "MS Mincho";"> When we visit with our family of origin, very often the parts
that are at most risk, are the wounded young parts. So, when we talk with them
about the upcoming visit, it is important to hear their concerns and to assess
whether they are healed enough to participate 100% in the family visit. If in
the process of talking to the part we determine and the part agrees that
protection is important. Then we can offer the part an idea of an internal
virtual safe place. </span></div>
<span style="color: black; font-family: "Avenir Next"; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "MS Mincho"; mso-fareast-font-family: "MS Mincho";"> If the part is open to the idea, ask it to show you an image of
a real, imaginary, or combination place, where part would feel protected and
relaxed. Ask the part to not choose a place that has any negative memories
attached to it. Once the part shows you the image or gives you the description,
see how safe and protected this place seems to you. If you have doubts about
the place, voice them and discuss with the part. If it appears to be a good
enough place, proceed telling the part that it can have anything it needs to
make her stay at that spot enjoyable, for example, comfortable furniture,
blankets, toys, books, pets, food, etc. Encourage the part to make that
imaginary place as safe and comfortable as possible. Inform the part that No
One is allowed into that place without the part’s permission. Once the place is
ready, in your mind’s eye invite the part go to that place and give it some time
to stay there and see how it feels. If the part feels good and comfortable, the
place is ready for the future use. If the part feels uncomfortable ask the part
what needs to be changed or added in order to increase safety and continue
working with the part on modifying the place until part feels good about it.</span>
<h4 class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "Avenir Next"; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "MS Mincho"; mso-fareast-font-family: "MS Mincho";"></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #7030a0; font-family: "Avenir Next"; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "MS Mincho"; mso-fareast-font-family: "MS Mincho";">I am wishing you healthy
holidays that are supportive of your healing journey!</span></b></h4>
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Dr. Irina Diyankovahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17109426885406394955noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1609705821901239900.post-2669966087116113722018-09-29T15:15:00.003-07:002018-09-29T15:15:47.104-07:00Taking care of yourself as a sexual trauma survivor during times of cultural denial<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
Dear sexual trauma survivors,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This post is in
acknowledgement and support of you, as you have been and will continue
witnessing sexual trauma survivors discreditation campaign conducted by the
Senate Judiciary Committee and supporters of Judge Kavanaugh. It is very easy
to get overwhelmed, disconnected and lost during times like these, when you
hear voices doubting credibility of survivors’ stories. I am really sorry that
you continue experiencing consequences of cultural denial of sexual trauma, which
is not new. Generations of survivors before you have experienced this
phenomenon. As a trauma therapist, my hope is that, as society gets more aware
and educated about high prevalence of sexual trauma and its severe impact on
the lives of survivors, we will be able to develop higher level of cultural sensitivity
and, at least, protect survivors from the secondary wounds of not being
believed and being blamed for the attacks.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Today, however, I
would like to acknowledge your pain and talk about the ways to soothe it.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When we are triggered by a public discourse of disbelief and
denial, it is our younger wounded parts that get confused, ashamed, and hurt.
For them, it is really hard to see and understand the issue of sexual trauma
denial as a systemic issue that has absolutely nothing to do with them. Young
parts tend to believe that it is their fault and that something is wrong with
them. They may start flooding you and then you may experience shame, hurt,
sadness, anger, confusion, and other negative feelings in your body as your
whole self. Response of our younger parts is very understandable and very
normal. Here is what we can do to help them and ourselves:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">1.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]-->Acknowledge thoughts and feelings of the part(s)
no matter how “irrational” they might seem to your adult parts. Just let your
wounded parts know that you see and love them no matter what and that you have
their back.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">2.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]-->Ask triggered part(s) to not flood you and give
you a little space so that you can care for them. Explain that when you do not
have any separation from them, you cannot really see, hear, and validate them.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">3.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]-->Once the part separates, even if only a little,
notice how do you feel towards it. If your feeling can be described as one of
the following: compassion, curiosity, understanding, appreciation, concern,
then proceed to let the part know that you are here and you are listening. If
you have any negative feelings towards the wounded part, acknowledge those
feelings and ask the parts that carry them to relax back. Look for a place
inside where you have a feeling of acceptance or curiosity towards a hurting
part, even if it is really tiny. From that place, acknowledge what the part is
communicating to you. Validate its thoughts and feelings.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">4.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]-->Ask the part what it needs from you in order to
feel better, even a little. Acknowledge expressed needs and (<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">here is a crucial piece</b>) do your best
to meet them.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When our wounded parts feel that they are important and
their thoughts and feelings matter to us, they are willing to collaborate and
contain pain and shame that they are releasing into our psyche. When they feel
cared for by us, their pain diminishes significantly.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To illustrate how
this might look, here is an example from my own life. I have a number of
wounded parts that are struggling and in pain right now due to my personal
history. Those are young parts that historically felt that they are not seen by
others and that their feelings don’t matter. In the past two weeks, I have been
paying special attention to these parts of me, listening to their whispers,
asking them how they are feeling. The parts have been letting me know that they
are starting to feel invisible again and it is hurtful and confusing. So, I
have been consistently reminding my parts that I see them, I love them, and I
appreciate them, even when and if no one else does. I have also been speaking
on their behalf in several relationships in my life, setting firmer boundaries
with people, who are likely to ignore my wishes. In addition, I have heard
requests from my parts for more hugs, affectionate touch, physical care. So, I
have been taking longer showers with nicer cosmetic products, giving myself
self-massage, initiating more hugs in close relationships, doing specific yoga
pose that these parts like and sending them compassion and warm wishes. My
parts have been responding with feeling happier and calmer. In addition, I have
been reminding my parts that they are welcome to go to the internal safe place,
when I am reading news and encountering hurtful statements, because they do not
need to deal with any of those things. My adult parts can take care of this
dysfunctional business as needed. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-UO6QOV3SE60/VzzEaoe8rHI/AAAAAAAAD68/UxoxnlwSV4sxlnetxOurAHW46TYImLaVwCPcBGAYYCw/s1600/prayer%2Bhands.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="189" data-original-width="287" height="131" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-UO6QOV3SE60/VzzEaoe8rHI/AAAAAAAAD68/UxoxnlwSV4sxlnetxOurAHW46TYImLaVwCPcBGAYYCw/s200/prayer%2Bhands.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
I hope that
technology I shared above can be helpful to you. Please, remember that no
matter what we do inside, with and for our parts, it rarely changes things on
the outside. And, at times, we may find taking an action very empowering and
helpful as well. For example, joining a women’s or survivors’ movement,
speaking out against injustice, donating money to the causes that support
survivors and so forth.<o:p></o:p><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>With lots of
love, compassion, and light,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Irina Diyankova<o:p></o:p></div>
<!--EndFragment--><br /></div>
Dr. Irina Diyankovahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17109426885406394955noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1609705821901239900.post-52029638295888208792017-11-23T12:21:00.003-08:002017-11-23T12:21:20.273-08:00Healing from trauma during the holiday season<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Ze4jAD7ZgTQ/WhcpY0g9xdI/AAAAAAAAEdI/MzO8HY0CIbACarddK2CA3qNF5NW8bedhgCLcBGAs/s1600/iStock-694472170.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="271" data-original-width="1289" height="83" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Ze4jAD7ZgTQ/WhcpY0g9xdI/AAAAAAAAEdI/MzO8HY0CIbACarddK2CA3qNF5NW8bedhgCLcBGAs/s400/iStock-694472170.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
According to my
professional and personal experiences, holidays tend to be difficult for many
trauma survivors, and the season from Thanksgiving through Christmas is on the
top of the blacklist. I remember certain stages in my own recovery, when mentioning
of gratitude and forgiveness caused me to sarcastically laugh while
experiencing pain and shame. Since then I have encountered multiple people, who
felt very similarly.<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My invitation to
you is to accept where you are at today. Whether you are cherishing every
second or despising every moment or somewhere in between, it is OK to feel
exactly the way you are feeling. Remember that your reactions are not fixed in
time and they will be changing as you continue your healing journey.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If this current
holiday season is a struggle for you, I have a number of suggestions that could
help soothe the pain. First and foremost, give yourself as much compassion as
humanely possible and then… some more. Remind yourself and your parts OVER and
OVER again that emotional and physical struggles are a normal part of any
healing journey. Explain to your parts that even though you cannot take pain
away, you can soothe it. Hand on the heart practice (see below) is an excellent
compassion balm.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Second, If you already
practice listening to your parts from a compassionate place, then ask them how
you can help. Validate what a part is telling you and then follow through on
the request if possible. In the case that aforementioned practice is not a part
of your repertoire yet, here are some specific suggestions of things to try:</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-q7Vp4cQlaFc/WhcplWIWzeI/AAAAAAAAEdM/f2d3J3Q4wdkKGQSZcj7QNoYgLpkaFsAkACLcBGAs/s1600/iStock-481467426.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="495" data-original-width="707" height="139" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-q7Vp4cQlaFc/WhcplWIWzeI/AAAAAAAAEdM/f2d3J3Q4wdkKGQSZcj7QNoYgLpkaFsAkACLcBGAs/s200/iStock-481467426.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">1.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #7030a0;">Hand on the heart technique</span></b>. Put one of your
hands on the heart area, focus on the sensation of touch, breathe light into
your heart. Repeat soothing affirmations, such as “I know you are struggling
right now. Its ok. I love you just the way you are”. If saying “I love you” is
impossible in the moment substitute with God, pet, child, etc.<br /><br /></div>
<a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-2wsMQ69ocRI/Whcp269t1TI/AAAAAAAAEdQ/8VTjvRaRzSs713Ubi396Tw72bg-ihHNkQCLcBGAs/s1600/iStock-585521408.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="591" data-original-width="591" height="200" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-2wsMQ69ocRI/Whcp269t1TI/AAAAAAAAEdQ/8VTjvRaRzSs713Ubi396Tw72bg-ihHNkQCLcBGAs/s200/iStock-585521408.jpg" width="200" /></a><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">2.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>Move your body in a caring way. <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #7030a0;">Gentle yoga
practice</span></b><span style="color: #7030a0;"> </span>is ideal for that. For
suggestions and videos of specific poses visit my YouTube channel: <br /><a href="https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCpbWHr4qUZnwYPsDbnM9mcA">https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCpbWHr4qUZnwYPsDbnM9mcA</a><br />
Such practices as Humming Bee breath and Forward Fold tend to be really calming
for thenervous system. You only need to preform one of the practices 3-4 times
a day to start receiving benefits (overall 5-7 min a day)<br /><br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-dYArt2JWESI/WhcqHFx1GoI/AAAAAAAAEdY/hN2aV2YlPvUMur532YctbBRD2wEoo1F-wCLcBGAs/s1600/iStock-166612742.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" border="0" data-original-height="591" data-original-width="591" height="200" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-dYArt2JWESI/WhcqHFx1GoI/AAAAAAAAEdY/hN2aV2YlPvUMur532YctbBRD2wEoo1F-wCLcBGAs/s200/iStock-166612742.jpg" title="" width="200" /></a><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">3.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #7030a0;">Set healthy for you boundaries with family and friends</span></b>.
Remember that you can end any unpleasant situation or destructive conversation
by a variety of different means, such as excusing yourself to go to the
bathroom, shifting to a different topic, explicitly stating that you are not
willing to engage in X way, and if nothing else works, simply leaving the
situation.<br /><br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">4.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #7030a0;">Schedule some personal time daily</span></b>, when you do
ONLY what you want in the moment. Give yourself different tools and options,
such as paper and markers, calming music, good book, <br /> a bath with essential
oils, etc<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"></span></span></span><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"></span></span></div>
<h4 class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="text-align: left; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"></span></span></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #7030a0;"><style><!--
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</span></b></h4>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
5. <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #7030a0;">Forgive yourself at least once a day </span></b><span style="color: black; mso-themecolor: text1;">and if needed multiple times a day.
Regular forgiveness practice is a must during difficult times. A simple 3 min
visualization of love and light that your Higher Self is sending into your
heart is a good start.</span></div>
<span style="color: black; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="color: black; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span><br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"></span></span></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #7030a0;">6. Seek support from the trusted others. </span></b><span style="color: black; mso-themecolor: text1;">Before you leave for the holidays or
host family at your home, discuss ways to stay connected via text, email, or
phone with one or two close friends. Exchanging even one word or emoji when you
feel upset or out of sorts can give you enough resource to do what needs to be
done.<br /></span></div>
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<a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-DGNsEIURND0/WhcrlLhEdyI/AAAAAAAAEdk/lxdwsuBZ0PQsGvAg1mk_r3IHhIV39j_XwCLcBGAs/s1600/iStock-470858830.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="518" data-original-width="675" height="153" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-DGNsEIURND0/WhcrlLhEdyI/AAAAAAAAEdk/lxdwsuBZ0PQsGvAg1mk_r3IHhIV39j_XwCLcBGAs/s200/iStock-470858830.jpg" width="200" /></a><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">7. <span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span>
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{margin-bottom:0in</style><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #7030a0;">Prepare a plan B and if needed a plan C</span></b>. If
you are traveling for the holidays, think of the alternative places to stay,
people to see, dates and ways of getting back. Always have an exit out of
a potentially unpleasant environment planned. Flying by the seat of your pants,
when you are going in the situation that has been dysfunctional in the past is
NOT a good plan, even if you think everyone has changed since. Also, just a
gentle reminder that when we are going into an environment in which we have
felt <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>traumatized before, it is very easy
to freeze and blank out. This is why it is important to have the plan B
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<span style="color: purple;"><span style="background-color: white;"><i><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b>Have a joyful and healthy holiday
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<span style="background-color: purple;">
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<span style="background-color: purple;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #7030a0;"><br /></span></b></span></div>
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Dr. Irina Diyankovahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17109426885406394955noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1609705821901239900.post-45975969701341572662017-06-21T18:45:00.003-07:002017-06-21T18:45:45.583-07:00NERVOUS SYSTEM, BRAIN, and TRAUMA. Part 1: Autonomic Nervous System and trauma<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">NERVOUS SYSTEM,
BRAIN, and TRAUMA series. Introduction</b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In this series, I
will briefly describe impact of complex trauma on nervous system and brain of a
trauma survivor and offer tools for re-wiring survivor’s brain & nervous
system. These tools are to be used on the regular basis, meaning several times
a day, every day, as you are working on a particular issue that you have
identified as your target. Stay on one target for 40+ days to see noticeable
and sustainable results. According to Linda Graham, in order to utilize amazing
ability of our neurons to rewire, we need to use a particular activity we have
chosen for that goal in brief frequent bursts: 30sec-2 min 4-8 x day for 4-6
weeks.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Part 1: Autonomic
Nervous System & trauma</b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Our autonomic nervous system consists of 2
major branches: sympathetic & parasympathetic. They work together to create
an optimal level of arousal so that we can be present in the moment and respond
to the ongoing stressors and life events in adequate ways, meaning smart and
sensible. When one of the branches is dominating in the moment, our functioning
is not optimal. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Survivors’ autonomic nervous system is
often dysregulated with either sympathetic or parasympathetic branch dominating
or domination changing from moment to moment. When sympathetic branch is
dominating survivors experience <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">HYPERAROUSAL</b>,
which may manifest in anxiety, anger, restlessness, insomnia, nightmares, and
re-experiencing of trauma. If you are one of those folks, who tend to get stuck
in the hyperarousal zone, the following yogic practices can be helpful to you:</div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Humming
bee breath</b> - <a href="https://youtu.be/qZ5w1Dt4OLA">https://youtu.be/qZ5w1Dt4OLA</a>
- this is a good technique to practice when you first notice signs of
increasing anxiety; can be used at any time during the day, including before
bedtime</div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Forward
Fold with visualization</b> - <a href="https://youtu.be/cdALBzr8M0U">https://youtu.be/cdALBzr8M0U</a>
- this is a great pose to help with release of worries, obsessive thoughts, and
any “mental junk”</div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-GvKLwOePsrY/WUseoxM2uII/AAAAAAAAEVA/Qi6i0f6UoW8YPJ3QQG0b2gaoWtB10CKngCLcBGAs/s1600/DSC_1430.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="640" data-original-width="427" height="200" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-GvKLwOePsrY/WUseoxM2uII/AAAAAAAAEVA/Qi6i0f6UoW8YPJ3QQG0b2gaoWtB10CKngCLcBGAs/s200/DSC_1430.jpeg" width="133" /></a><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> <span style="font-size: small;">
</span></span></span></span><span style="font-size: small;"><b>Legs up
the wall</b> – this is an excellent pose for insomnia, for evening fatigue, as
well as both anxiety and depression. I suggest that once you get into the pose
you use either guided calming visualization or mantra. In yogic tradition, mantra
is a word or combination of syllables that is repeated over and over again as a
way to focus one’s mind and go deeper into meditative state. For trauma
survivors, it is important to focus their mind deliberately on a chosen word to
prevent being flooded by negative feelings and memories. Some options for
mantras may be: <i>compassion, love,
healing, calm, letting go</i>, and so forth. If you would rather focus on
something that does not have any meaning to you, try <i>om</i>.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When survivors’ autonomic nervous system
is dysregulated in the opposite direction and an unmylienated branch of the
vagus nerve is dominating, then they experience a state of <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">HYPOAROUSAL.
</b>This state might manifest in slowing down of cognitive processes, feeling
overwhelmed, being disconnected from one’s own body or feelings, experiencing
fatigue, and at its extreme completely shutting down. Being stuck in
hypoarousal for a long period of time is often associated with depression. If
this is a concern for you, then one of the following yogic practices<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"> </b>may be helpful:</div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -.25in;">
<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-_-yg-vOSARo/WUsfLsxljTI/AAAAAAAAEVE/B8D8fpRgYoE2f8aPimy-SsDwQxanmeGAQCLcBGAs/s1600/DSC_1423.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="427" data-original-width="640" height="213" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-_-yg-vOSARo/WUsfLsxljTI/AAAAAAAAEVE/B8D8fpRgYoE2f8aPimy-SsDwQxanmeGAQCLcBGAs/s320/DSC_1423.jpeg" width="320" /></a><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Dynamic
bridge</b> – video is coming soon – this is <br />an excellent pose for increasing
the strength of the </div>
mylienated vagus nerve and regulating thyroid, <br />both of
which are implicated in depression. <br />Attached picture shows you the final pose
that you will be holding for 5-10 breaths. Before you come into that final
expression of the bridge pose, you <br />will move in out of it a few times. Starting
on your back with your knees bent and both of your feet on the floor (closish
to your sitting bones). As you inhale, bring your navel and your sitting bones
up towards the ceiling while at the same time rising your arms over your head
and placing them on the floor behind your head. As you exhale, bring your
sitting bones and your back to the floor while at the same time moving your
arms to your sides. Keep moving with your own breathing pace and complete 5-7
repetitions. After that come into the bridge pose and hold it for 5-10 breaths.<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Breath of
joy</b> – video is coming soon – this is an excellent pose to be performed the
first thing in the morning and in the afternoon when you hit a low energy
point. Please, do not practice this pose in the evening. Also, proceed with
caution if you are prone to high levels of anxiety. Try it in slow motion first
and pay attention throughout each practice to any developing signs of agitation
or nervousness. If any are noticed, stop this pose and do something else. Starting
in the Mountain pose with your feet parallel to each other, spine straight and
long, as if you are suspended from the ceiling by the crown of your head,
generously bend you knees and bring your torso slightly forward, letting arms
freely hang by your sides. You will inhale in 3 parts and exhale in a brief and
forceful way. Inhaling 1/3 of your lung capacity, bring your arms in front of
you, parallel to each other and straighten your legs a bit. Inhaling another
1/3 of your lung capacity, bring your arms out to the sides creating a T-shape,
while straightening your legs and torso a bit more. Inhaling to the full lung
capacity, stretch up towards the ceiling with arms up and over your head. Now,
exhale in one brief motion of your arms going towards the floor, <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>your torso bending forward, and your knees
bending with a sound “ha” (saying it aloud). Repeat 5-7 times increasing speed
of the movement. This pose takes a bit of learning and practicing. But once you
get it, you will be able to enjoy full benefits of this powerful pose, which
include instantly improved mood and increased level of energy.</div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-kG8ga2Ws2wg/WUsgjamE93I/AAAAAAAAEVU/0zhIEXFJmC8DSnGmhm3PhfSTTfjcwq1pQCLcBGAs/s1600/DSC_1422.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1067" height="200" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-kG8ga2Ws2wg/WUsgjamE93I/AAAAAAAAEVU/0zhIEXFJmC8DSnGmhm3PhfSTTfjcwq1pQCLcBGAs/s200/DSC_1422.jpg" width="133" /></a><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-kvXOamULJhY/WUsgW7tTQII/AAAAAAAAEVQ/tr4aG1IEpr4OQLdh2awj3Ws9xmzF79VKACLcBGAs/s1600/DSC_1359.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-TEarihVUGbQ/WUsfzv7sDII/AAAAAAAAEVI/oXNmCfXCmVAZIOegJWqlR1XzwmOj_I9fACEwYBhgL/s1600/DSC_1418.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1067" height="200" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-TEarihVUGbQ/WUsfzv7sDII/AAAAAAAAEVI/oXNmCfXCmVAZIOegJWqlR1XzwmOj_I9fACEwYBhgL/s200/DSC_1418.jpg" width="133" /></a><img border="0" data-original-height="640" data-original-width="427" height="200" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-kvXOamULJhY/WUsgW7tTQII/AAAAAAAAEVQ/tr4aG1IEpr4OQLdh2awj3Ws9xmzF79VKACLcBGAs/s200/DSC_1359.jpeg" width="133" /><a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-kjobym1jtZs/WUsf_ce93GI/AAAAAAAAEVM/7IEIK9SKppsABeucEmDg6R3tSKFQ6JOfgCEwYBhgL/s1600/DSC_1358.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="640" data-original-width="427" height="200" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-kjobym1jtZs/WUsf_ce93GI/AAAAAAAAEVM/7IEIK9SKppsABeucEmDg6R3tSKFQ6JOfgCEwYBhgL/s200/DSC_1358.jpeg" width="133" /></a></div>
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-size: small;">Happy practicing! To be continued.</span><br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
<br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
</span>Dr. Irina Diyankovahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17109426885406394955noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1609705821901239900.post-64232375984103867422017-03-01T12:53:00.002-08:002017-03-01T12:53:31.264-08:00Yoga for healing of trauma.<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-2WH6M8zSqXY/WLcyAJ00A2I/AAAAAAAAEGk/8fIN-YqKAr4vsEXKxQBb01jQcPvQtx1xgCLcB/s1600/DSC_1438.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-2WH6M8zSqXY/WLcyAJ00A2I/AAAAAAAAEGk/8fIN-YqKAr4vsEXKxQBb01jQcPvQtx1xgCLcB/s320/DSC_1438.jpeg" width="213" /></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; line-height: 115%;"><b><span style="font-size: large;">What
does yoga have to do with healing from trauma? </span></b><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Actually, a lot, according to
both ancient texts and contemporary research. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> Yoga is an ancient holistic practice that
originated in India more than 4,000 years ago. It includes ethics, meditation,
breathing techniques, movement, diet and other approaches for keeping body
healthy and mind sane to help the seeker achieve spiritual enlightenment. In
our days in the West, yoga mostly covers physical exercises, some breathing
techniques and some meditation. Many people think of the folks practicing yoga
as “flexible pretzels” and feel intimidated by the idea of a class. But yoga
class does not have to be scary or challenging. There are many types of yoga,
such as subtle, gentle, restorative, or yin that people with any fitness level
can practice.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> Trauma affects individuals on all levels:
physical, emotional, spiritual, and social. It also has profound effects on the
functioning and even structure of our brains. According to a number of
researchers (Ogden et al., 2006; van der Kolk, 2006), during traumatic events
our cortex and frontal lobes get overloaded and shut down, while brain stem and
amygdala carry on and get hyperactivated, which results in person’s inability
to process trauma verbally and cognitively, as well as increased arousal and
anxiety. Talk therapy, which is often used, to address consequences of trauma
has pretty serious limitations given aforementioned effects of trauma on brain.
However, yoga, which is a holistic approach, has an ability to effect change on
the level of brain stem, amygdala, and autonomous nervous system. Research
shows that regular practice of yoga leads to decrease in anxiety, improved
mood, increased ability to self-regulate, and restoration of biological rhythms
(Brown & Gerbarg, 2009; Spinazzola et al., 2011). Moreover, according to
the researchers from Boston Trauma Center, 8-12 weeks of regular yoga practice
led to significant reduction in PTSD symptoms in different trauma populations,
including adult women with sexual trauma which was treatment resistant and
veterans with war trauma.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> In my own experience of using yoga in the
group treatment of trauma survivors, the regular practice is associated with
increased sense of safety, ability to change state from depressed and anxious
to more joyful and calm, enjoyment of being in one’s own body, and decreased
level of anxiety and stress.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> There are many ways to start and develop
your own yoga practice. Attending yoga classes is the easiest way to go.
However, if you don’t have a yoga studio or GYM with yoga classes, you may want
to purchase a yoga DVD. Below are some of the places and items that I
recommend. Of course, you are welcome to do your own research. There are a lot
of options available in our days.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> If you live in Knoxville, TN or
surrounding area, check out my <b>therapeutic
yoga class specifically developed for trauma survivors</b>: at <a href="http://www.dr-irina.com/Yogaclasses.en.html">http://www.dr-irina.com/Yogaclasses.en.html</a>.
They are open to any level of ability and include specific techniques for
regulating functioning of the autonomic nervous system and brain.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">.
There is a wonderful yoga studio, Glowing Body, in the Old City with multiple
yoga classes every day of the week: </span><a href="http://www.glowingbody.net/"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">http://www.glowingbody.net/</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">.
Blue Ridge Yoga offers great quality yoga in Farragut area: <a href="http://blueridgeyogatn.com/">http://blueridgeyogatn.com</a>. . If you live outside of Knoxville area, check
out yoga journal directory for teachers & studios in your area: </span><a href="http://www.yogajournal.com/directory/"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">http://www.yogajournal.com/directory/</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> Here are some of the good yoga DVDs:</span>
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Yoga for beginners & stress relief: </span><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Beginners-Stress-Relief-Essential-Inflexible/dp/B001HAO8NM/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1339380511&sr=8-1&keywords=yoga+DVD"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">http://www.amazon.com/Beginners-Stress-Relief-Essential-Inflexible/dp/B001HAO8NM/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1339380511&sr=8-1&keywords=yoga+DVD</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Yoga for depression with Amy Weintraub: </span><a href="http://www.amazon.com/LifeForce-Yoga-Beat-Blues-Level/dp/B000MMMWMU/ref=sr_1_6?s=movies-tv&ie=UTF8&qid=1339380770&sr=1-6&keywords=yoga+DVD+depression+anxiety"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">http://www.amazon.com/LifeForce-Yoga-Beat-Blues-Level/dp/B000MMMWMU/ref=sr_1_6?s=movies-tv&ie=UTF8&qid=1339380770&sr=1-6&keywords=yoga+DVD+depression+anxiety</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Viniyoga for anxiety with Gary Kraftsow: </span><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Viniyoga-Therapy-Beginners-Advanced-Kraftsow/dp/B005JJ0EL2/ref=sr_1_3?s=movies-tv&ie=UTF8&qid=1339380770&sr=1-3&keywords=yoga+DVD+depression+anxiety"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">http://www.amazon.com/Viniyoga-Therapy-Beginners-Advanced-Kraftsow/dp/B005JJ0EL2/ref=sr_1_3?s=movies-tv&ie=UTF8&qid=1339380770&sr=1-3&keywords=yoga+DVD+depression+anxiety</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-uabF3XJb-Jk/WLcx-YGd4lI/AAAAAAAAEGg/NqG2PKzw-Pk5u5w7lUatA7OPCihBRPmhQCLcB/s1600/iStock_87963275_MEDIUM.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="133" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-uabF3XJb-Jk/WLcx-YGd4lI/AAAAAAAAEGg/NqG2PKzw-Pk5u5w7lUatA7OPCihBRPmhQCLcB/s200/iStock_87963275_MEDIUM.jpg" width="200" /></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> If you think that you cannot practice
yoga, I suggest you watch the following video for inspiration and motivation: </span><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bIXOo8D9Qsc"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bIXOo8D9Qsc</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">
– Arthur’s Transformation – Never give up. It features a man with both physical
and psychological trauma, who used a power of yoga to help himself heal.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> AS always, interested in your comments and questions.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; line-height: 115%;"><b><span style="font-size: large;">Namaste: Light in me recognizes and honors Light in you, and within this Light we are one.</span></b></span></div>
Dr. Irina Diyankovahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17109426885406394955noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1609705821901239900.post-20286109394685361622016-11-13T12:43:00.000-08:002016-11-13T12:43:19.653-08:00Dealing with post election emotions and concerns<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-pagination: none;">
<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-_vpTppo_9_s/WCjPv_M9ffI/AAAAAAAAECQ/_ICf_MJWD2Ad7Y-_YKndhQFQEGg7cbFlgCEw/s1600/self-love.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="307" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-_vpTppo_9_s/WCjPv_M9ffI/AAAAAAAAECQ/_ICf_MJWD2Ad7Y-_YKndhQFQEGg7cbFlgCEw/s320/self-love.jpg" width="320" /></a><span style="color: black; mso-effects-shadow-align: center; mso-effects-shadow-alpha: 43.0%; mso-effects-shadow-angledirection: 5400000; mso-effects-shadow-anglekx: 0; mso-effects-shadow-angleky: 0; mso-effects-shadow-color: #6E747A; mso-effects-shadow-dpidistance: 2.0pt; mso-effects-shadow-dpiradius: 3.0pt; mso-effects-shadow-pctsx: 100.0%; mso-effects-shadow-pctsy: 100.0%;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now
that the next president has been elected, you may be left with all kinds of
concerns and fears around it. I personally am concerned. I am concerned for
myself as a female and an immigrant, for my family, and for multiple friends,
clients, colleagues and just people, who do not fit into the category of the
white straight able-bodied and wealthy enough male. So, if you have concerns
and fears, please, know that you are not alone. And, keep reading further.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-pagination: none;">
<span style="color: black; mso-effects-shadow-align: center; mso-effects-shadow-alpha: 43.0%; mso-effects-shadow-angledirection: 5400000; mso-effects-shadow-anglekx: 0; mso-effects-shadow-angleky: 0; mso-effects-shadow-color: #6E747A; mso-effects-shadow-dpidistance: 2.0pt; mso-effects-shadow-dpiradius: 3.0pt; mso-effects-shadow-pctsx: 100.0%; mso-effects-shadow-pctsy: 100.0%;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I do
not have any political solutions in mind. However, I would like to offer a few
thoughts on coping with post-election distress. <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">First</b> of all, it is <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">important
to acknowledge and validate your feelings</b>. No matter what they are or how
different they are from those experienced by others, you have the right to feel
the way you do. I have been reading and hearing a lot form the folks that voted
for the president-elect that I and others, who are upset need to get over it,
accept the results, and stop being angry. I DO NOT believe this rhetoric, and I
do not think that it is healthy to suppress your feelings and “move on”. Instead,
I encourage you to express your feelings and your thoughts in healthy ways.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-pagination: none;">
<span style="color: black; mso-effects-shadow-align: center; mso-effects-shadow-alpha: 43.0%; mso-effects-shadow-angledirection: 5400000; mso-effects-shadow-anglekx: 0; mso-effects-shadow-angleky: 0; mso-effects-shadow-color: #6E747A; mso-effects-shadow-dpidistance: 2.0pt; mso-effects-shadow-dpiradius: 3.0pt; mso-effects-shadow-pctsx: 100.0%; mso-effects-shadow-pctsy: 100.0%;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So,
the <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">second</b> suggestion that I have is
to <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">search for and find ways to express
your feelings</b> and moreover, <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">use
energy of your distress in a meaningful and constructive way</b>. You may ask
how do I do this? The options are limitless. Here are just a few ideas. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Writing about your feelings</i> or
expressing them in any kind of creative format may help further understand and
process your reactions. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It often helps
to <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">talk to the SUPPORTIVE and SAFE others</i>
about your feelings and concerns. Many people told me that since November 8
they have not been sure who is safe and who is supportive. </span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-LbZdCyUjs3I/WCjOurz5x5I/AAAAAAAAECE/tBsjcqPGaWQgEJXlBPcGNib_8pTA9pqBACEw/s1600/safety%2Bpin.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="135" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-LbZdCyUjs3I/WCjOurz5x5I/AAAAAAAAECE/tBsjcqPGaWQgEJXlBPcGNib_8pTA9pqBACEw/s320/safety%2Bpin.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
I understand that.
Here are some ways to identify safe and supportive people in your life: 1) read
their social media posts since election and notice if there is a rhetoric of inclusiveness,
support for minorities, and desire to advocate for oppressed and less fortunate;
if the answer is yes, they are probably safe; 2) look for people wearing safety
pins; #safetypin action has taken off around the country; if you see a person
wearing a safety pin, ask them what it is about. I myself am wearing a safety
pin. By doing this I have committed to support and advocate for minorities
anywhere I go and to stand against discrimination and bigotry. I will continue
to hold safe space for you in our work together, as I have been doing prior to
the elections. You can bring ANY issues and concerns to my office, and I
promise to not only suspend my judgment and listen, as I always have, but also
to advocate for you and help you find safe places in your life.<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-pagination: none;">
<span style="color: black; mso-effects-shadow-align: center; mso-effects-shadow-alpha: 43.0%; mso-effects-shadow-angledirection: 5400000; mso-effects-shadow-anglekx: 0; mso-effects-shadow-angleky: 0; mso-effects-shadow-color: #6E747A; mso-effects-shadow-dpidistance: 2.0pt; mso-effects-shadow-dpiradius: 3.0pt; mso-effects-shadow-pctsx: 100.0%; mso-effects-shadow-pctsy: 100.0%;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If
you would like to <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">put energy</i> of your
anger, disgust, fear, distress and so forth <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">to
good use</i>, look for different social causes and movements that make sense to
you. Since November 8, multiple campaigns and movements have started
organizing. For example, there is all-inclusive “Women’s March on DC” being
organized and planned in every corner of the country right now. It is scheduled
for January 21, 2017, the day after president-elect’s inauguration. You can
join your local chapter and work with like-minded others and/or march in DC or
locally in support of the human rights and advocating for the minority groups. There
is “Love Trumps Hate” and “Let Love Conquer”. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have seen people donating in the names of
president-elect and vice-president-elect to all kinds of organizations and
groups that have been ostracized during election season. Here is a list of
different organizations representing and fighting for marginalized groups: </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-pagination: none;">
<span style="color: black; mso-effects-shadow-align: center; mso-effects-shadow-alpha: 43.0%; mso-effects-shadow-angledirection: 5400000; mso-effects-shadow-anglekx: 0; mso-effects-shadow-angleky: 0; mso-effects-shadow-color: #6E747A; mso-effects-shadow-dpidistance: 2.0pt; mso-effects-shadow-dpiradius: 3.0pt; mso-effects-shadow-pctsx: 100.0%; mso-effects-shadow-pctsy: 100.0%;"><a href="http://jezebel.com/a-list-of-pro-women-pro-immigrant-pro-earth-anti-big-1788752078">http://jezebel.com/a-list-of-pro-women-pro-immigrant-pro-earth-anti-big-1788752078</a></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; mso-effects-shadow-align: center; mso-effects-shadow-alpha: 43.0%; mso-effects-shadow-angledirection: 5400000; mso-effects-shadow-anglekx: 0; mso-effects-shadow-angleky: 0; mso-effects-shadow-color: #6E747A; mso-effects-shadow-dpidistance: 2.0pt; mso-effects-shadow-dpiradius: 3.0pt; mso-effects-shadow-pctsx: 100.0%; mso-effects-shadow-pctsy: 100.0%;">You may choose to be-friend others from
particularly vulnerable minority groups, such as people of Muslim faith or
LGBTQ individuals. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-pagination: none;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: black; mso-effects-shadow-align: center; mso-effects-shadow-alpha: 43.0%; mso-effects-shadow-angledirection: 5400000; mso-effects-shadow-anglekx: 0; mso-effects-shadow-angleky: 0; mso-effects-shadow-color: #6E747A; mso-effects-shadow-dpidistance: 2.0pt; mso-effects-shadow-dpiradius: 3.0pt; mso-effects-shadow-pctsx: 100.0%; mso-effects-shadow-pctsy: 100.0%;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Third</span></b><span style="color: black; mso-effects-shadow-align: center; mso-effects-shadow-alpha: 43.0%; mso-effects-shadow-angledirection: 5400000; mso-effects-shadow-anglekx: 0; mso-effects-shadow-angleky: 0; mso-effects-shadow-color: #6E747A; mso-effects-shadow-dpidistance: 2.0pt; mso-effects-shadow-dpiradius: 3.0pt; mso-effects-shadow-pctsx: 100.0%; mso-effects-shadow-pctsy: 100.0%;">, during times like this <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">self-care</b> is even more important. So, remember to be nice to
yourself by soothing your worried and young parts by things like positive
loving affirmations, essential aroma oils of lavender<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>and sweet orange, being in nature, listening
to calming music, hugs from self and others, and LOTS OF SELF-COMPASSION. Also,
take good care of your body through good night sleep, walking, exercising,
eating healthy food and drinking lots of water.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-pagination: none;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: black; mso-effects-shadow-align: center; mso-effects-shadow-alpha: 43.0%; mso-effects-shadow-angledirection: 5400000; mso-effects-shadow-anglekx: 0; mso-effects-shadow-angleky: 0; mso-effects-shadow-color: #6E747A; mso-effects-shadow-dpidistance: 2.0pt; mso-effects-shadow-dpiradius: 3.0pt; mso-effects-shadow-pctsx: 100.0%; mso-effects-shadow-pctsy: 100.0%;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Finally, being with SUPPORTIVE OTHERS</span></b><span style="color: black; mso-effects-shadow-align: center; mso-effects-shadow-alpha: 43.0%; mso-effects-shadow-angledirection: 5400000; mso-effects-shadow-anglekx: 0; mso-effects-shadow-angleky: 0; mso-effects-shadow-color: #6E747A; mso-effects-shadow-dpidistance: 2.0pt; mso-effects-shadow-dpiradius: 3.0pt; mso-effects-shadow-pctsx: 100.0%; mso-effects-shadow-pctsy: 100.0%;"> and finding a community you feel safe with is as important as ever. No one
can do it alone. If none of your friends or family members can understand and
appreciate your concerns, join Love Trumps Hate group on facebook, come to one
of their local events, and connect to those who are willing to listen and
understand. WE ARE HERE FOR YOU.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-pagination: none;">
<span style="color: black; mso-effects-shadow-align: center; mso-effects-shadow-alpha: 43.0%; mso-effects-shadow-angledirection: 5400000; mso-effects-shadow-anglekx: 0; mso-effects-shadow-angleky: 0; mso-effects-shadow-color: #6E747A; mso-effects-shadow-dpidistance: 2.0pt; mso-effects-shadow-dpiradius: 3.0pt; mso-effects-shadow-pctsx: 100.0%; mso-effects-shadow-pctsy: 100.0%;">With lots of love and compassion</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-pagination: none;">
<span style="color: black; mso-effects-shadow-align: center; mso-effects-shadow-alpha: 43.0%; mso-effects-shadow-angledirection: 5400000; mso-effects-shadow-anglekx: 0; mso-effects-shadow-angleky: 0; mso-effects-shadow-color: #6E747A; mso-effects-shadow-dpidistance: 2.0pt; mso-effects-shadow-dpiradius: 3.0pt; mso-effects-shadow-pctsx: 100.0%; mso-effects-shadow-pctsy: 100.0%;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<br />
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Dr. Irina Diyankovahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17109426885406394955noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1609705821901239900.post-68019035536171841242016-07-27T14:07:00.000-07:002016-07-27T14:07:02.211-07:00Dealing with the impact of mass shootings and violence<!--[if !mso]>
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<![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<o:shapedefaults v:ext="edit" spidmax="1027"/>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-pagination: none;">
<span style="color: black; mso-effects-shadow-align: center; mso-effects-shadow-alpha: 43.0%; mso-effects-shadow-angledirection: 5400000; mso-effects-shadow-anglekx: 0; mso-effects-shadow-angleky: 0; mso-effects-shadow-color: #6E747A; mso-effects-shadow-dpidistance: 2.0pt; mso-effects-shadow-dpiradius: 3.0pt; mso-effects-shadow-pctsx: 100.0%; mso-effects-shadow-pctsy: 100.0%;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>June
and July of this year have surprised us with even more mass shootings than
previous months of 2016 as if it was not already enough. These events are
tragic and painful for everyone; however, the impact on the trauma survivors is
often the most severe. Often survivors notice that they feel more on edge,
fearful, overwhelmed, or angry than usually. And, at times, survivors cannot
understand why, because those tragedies are not necessarily connected in their
minds to how they function and feel every day. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For some, PTSD may flare up significantly. So,
what can a trauma survivor do to relieve the impact and the consequences? The
answer is multi-dimensional. Consider taking as many of the following steps as
you can in order to alleviate or prevent triggering trauma response. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .25in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-pagination: none; text-indent: -.25in;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Step 1. D<span style="color: black; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-effects-shadow-align: center; mso-effects-shadow-alpha: 43.0%; mso-effects-shadow-angledirection: 5400000; mso-effects-shadow-anglekx: 0; mso-effects-shadow-angleky: 0; mso-effects-shadow-color: #6E747A; mso-effects-shadow-dpidistance: 2.0pt; mso-effects-shadow-dpiradius: 3.0pt; mso-effects-shadow-pctsx: 100.0%; mso-effects-shadow-pctsy: 100.0%;">ecrease your exposure to the news coverage </span></b><span style="color: black; mso-effects-shadow-align: center; mso-effects-shadow-alpha: 43.0%; mso-effects-shadow-angledirection: 5400000; mso-effects-shadow-anglekx: 0; mso-effects-shadow-angleky: 0; mso-effects-shadow-color: #6E747A; mso-effects-shadow-dpidistance: 2.0pt; mso-effects-shadow-dpiradius: 3.0pt; mso-effects-shadow-pctsx: 100.0%; mso-effects-shadow-pctsy: 100.0%;">as much as possible. When I say this, I often
hear objections along the lines “But I need to know what is going on in the
country (or in the world or in my community)”. I completely understand that
need and that desire. There are ways </span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-tc8DIA-jh9U/V5khoKrBhiI/AAAAAAAAD9s/oL1gZSwxV4s_Kw99W1fQsm4KPrsSVYjzQCLcB/s1600/2016-07%2Bpic%2B1%2Bmedia.gif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="174" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-tc8DIA-jh9U/V5khoKrBhiI/AAAAAAAAD9s/oL1gZSwxV4s_Kw99W1fQsm4KPrsSVYjzQCLcB/s200/2016-07%2Bpic%2B1%2Bmedia.gif" width="200" /></a></div>
to stay informed without overwhelming yourself
by violent traumatizing images. As we entered digital and global age, we all
have been overexposed to the videos and images of shootings, bombings, attacks,
war, etc. Never before in human history have people had access to so many
images and videos of the cruelty and horror. I would like to remind all of us
that human psyche can take only so much before producing a trauma response.
When it comes to trauma survivors, their psyches already took a number of hits,
so there is no need to traumatize them further. Often it is enough to know that
the tragic event happened; there is absolutely no need to watch or read about
the gory details and expose yourself to the repetitive nature of ongoing
discussion. Remember that the more images you see, the more the images and
details are repeated the higher is potential for the trauma reaction.<br />
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you would like to stay informed,
here are some ways to limit overexposure: <br />
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</div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; mso-pagination: none; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">a)<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>Make a choice to read news in the paper or
online, but skip pictures and images;</div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; mso-pagination: none; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">b)<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span>Leave
the room or turn TV off before or right when the videos of violence start
showing;</div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; mso-pagination: none; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">c)<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span>Turn
down volume on the radio or switch to another channel when another discussion
or episode covering violence begins</div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; mso-pagination: none; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">d)<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>DO not engage in discussions of the details of
the violent incidents with others. Ask those close to you to be respectful of
your trauma response and abstain from discussing the details. If one of them
would like to talk to you about their thoughts or feelings regarding new
violence incidents, ask them to preface it, check in with you to see if it is
OK, and if it is a good time and to what extent and for how long you can talk
about the subject.</div>
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It is OK to set
limits with yourself and others around exposure to violence. It is an act of
self-compassion and self-care.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-d4ynyXqEgSI/V5kiCEgGeJI/AAAAAAAAD9w/IAwrBnRGBRAlCgeDNcIzoIuWdbq1OPAtQCLcB/s1600/2016-07%2Bpic%2B2%2Bfeelings.gif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="149" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-d4ynyXqEgSI/V5kiCEgGeJI/AAAAAAAAD9w/IAwrBnRGBRAlCgeDNcIzoIuWdbq1OPAtQCLcB/s200/2016-07%2Bpic%2B2%2Bfeelings.gif" width="200" /></a></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Step 2.</b> <b><span style="color: black; mso-effects-shadow-align: center; mso-effects-shadow-alpha: 43.0%; mso-effects-shadow-angledirection: 5400000; mso-effects-shadow-anglekx: 0; mso-effects-shadow-angleky: 0; mso-effects-shadow-color: #6E747A; mso-effects-shadow-dpidistance: 2.0pt; mso-effects-shadow-dpiradius: 3.0pt; mso-effects-shadow-pctsx: 100.0%; mso-effects-shadow-pctsy: 100.0%;">Create space in your personal life to process<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>feelings</span></b><span style="color: black; mso-effects-shadow-align: center; mso-effects-shadow-alpha: 43.0%; mso-effects-shadow-angledirection: 5400000; mso-effects-shadow-anglekx: 0; mso-effects-shadow-angleky: 0; mso-effects-shadow-color: #6E747A; mso-effects-shadow-dpidistance: 2.0pt; mso-effects-shadow-dpiradius: 3.0pt; mso-effects-shadow-pctsx: 100.0%; mso-effects-shadow-pctsy: 100.0%;"> caused by the events through journaling, creative endeavors, or talking to
significant others about it. Acknowledging your feelings and finding ways to
express them in a non-violent way is very important step towards healing versus
going deeper into trauma reaction. Sometimes it helps to limit processing time
to 15-30 minutes at each occasion in order to contain difficult feelings and
not overwhelm yourself. If being overwhelmed with emotions is a concern for
you, then agree with yourself how often and for how long you will be processing
(for example, 2-3 times a week for 15 minutes), set an alarm for that
particular amount of time, and when alarm goes off, put your project away and
focus on something else until the next time.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<b><span style="color: black; mso-effects-shadow-align: center; mso-effects-shadow-alpha: 43.0%; mso-effects-shadow-angledirection: 5400000; mso-effects-shadow-anglekx: 0; mso-effects-shadow-angleky: 0; mso-effects-shadow-color: #6E747A; mso-effects-shadow-dpidistance: 2.0pt; mso-effects-shadow-dpiradius: 3.0pt; mso-effects-shadow-pctsx: 100.0%; mso-effects-shadow-pctsy: 100.0%;">Step 3. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Can
you channel the energy of you<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>feelings
into a helpful action</span></b><span style="color: black; mso-effects-shadow-align: center; mso-effects-shadow-alpha: 43.0%; mso-effects-shadow-angledirection: 5400000; mso-effects-shadow-anglekx: 0; mso-effects-shadow-angleky: 0; mso-effects-shadow-color: #6E747A; mso-effects-shadow-dpidistance: 2.0pt; mso-effects-shadow-dpiradius: 3.0pt; mso-effects-shadow-pctsx: 100.0%; mso-effects-shadow-pctsy: 100.0%;">, such as
perform a ritual of honoring the victims, participate in a community event
devoted to it, donate money? If yes, go ahead and do it. Action will use the
energy of the feeling, as well, as help you feel empowered instead of helpless.
If no, that is OK and not a cause to feel bad about yourself. Go to step 4
then. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Step
4.</b> <b><span style="color: black; mso-effects-shadow-align: center; mso-effects-shadow-alpha: 43.0%; mso-effects-shadow-angledirection: 5400000; mso-effects-shadow-anglekx: 0; mso-effects-shadow-angleky: 0; mso-effects-shadow-color: #6E747A; mso-effects-shadow-dpidistance: 2.0pt; mso-effects-shadow-dpiradius: 3.0pt; mso-effects-shadow-pctsx: 100.0%; mso-effects-shadow-pctsy: 100.0%;">Increase intensity and frequency of self-care</span></b><span style="color: black; mso-effects-shadow-align: center; mso-effects-shadow-alpha: 43.0%; mso-effects-shadow-angledirection: 5400000; mso-effects-shadow-anglekx: 0; mso-effects-shadow-angleky: 0; mso-effects-shadow-color: #6E747A; mso-effects-shadow-dpidistance: 2.0pt; mso-effects-shadow-dpiradius: 3.0pt; mso-effects-shadow-pctsx: 100.0%; mso-effects-shadow-pctsy: 100.0%;">. Consider adding to, not subtracting from,
your regular self-care regimen. During times of increased stress, whether
personal or societal/cultural, survivors need more NOT LESSS self-care. Below
are some ideas you can explore in this area, but remember that you may need
something unique and different, so just listen to your own needs and respond to
them:</span></div>
<br />
<ul>
<li><span style="color: black; font-family: Symbol; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 125%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-effects-shadow-align: center; mso-effects-shadow-alpha: 43.0%; mso-effects-shadow-angledirection: 5400000; mso-effects-shadow-anglekx: 0; mso-effects-shadow-angleky: 0; mso-effects-shadow-color: #6E747A; mso-effects-shadow-dpidistance: 2.0pt; mso-effects-shadow-dpiradius: 3.0pt; mso-effects-shadow-pctsx: 100.0%; mso-effects-shadow-pctsy: 100.0%; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol; mso-ligatures: none;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"></span></span></span><i><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 125%; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-effects-shadow-align: center; mso-effects-shadow-alpha: 43.0%; mso-effects-shadow-angledirection: 5400000; mso-effects-shadow-anglekx: 0; mso-effects-shadow-angleky: 0; mso-effects-shadow-color: #6E747A; mso-effects-shadow-dpidistance: 2.0pt; mso-effects-shadow-dpiradius: 3.0pt; mso-effects-shadow-pctsx: 100.0%; mso-effects-shadow-pctsy: 100.0%; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-ligatures: none;">Self-compassion
break </span></i><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 125%; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-effects-shadow-align: center; mso-effects-shadow-alpha: 43.0%; mso-effects-shadow-angledirection: 5400000; mso-effects-shadow-anglekx: 0; mso-effects-shadow-angleky: 0; mso-effects-shadow-color: #6E747A; mso-effects-shadow-dpidistance: 2.0pt; mso-effects-shadow-dpiradius: 3.0pt; mso-effects-shadow-pctsx: 100.0%; mso-effects-shadow-pctsy: 100.0%; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-ligatures: none;">(to be taken at least 3 x day). Stop what you
are doing. Put a hand on your heart, stomach, or cheeks. Take a couple of deep
breaths. Keep saying to yourself something along the lines (for a min or so):
“May I be kind to myself in this moment and each and every moment today. I love
myself just the way I am”. You can also visualize being wrapped in a golden
light, warm blanket, or being surrounded by those who love you unconditionally.</span></li>
<li><span style="color: black; font-family: Symbol; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 125%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-style: italic; mso-effects-shadow-align: center; mso-effects-shadow-alpha: 43.0%; mso-effects-shadow-angledirection: 5400000; mso-effects-shadow-anglekx: 0; mso-effects-shadow-angleky: 0; mso-effects-shadow-color: #6E747A; mso-effects-shadow-dpidistance: 2.0pt; mso-effects-shadow-dpiradius: 3.0pt; mso-effects-shadow-pctsx: 100.0%; mso-effects-shadow-pctsy: 100.0%; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol; mso-ligatures: none;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><i><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 125%; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-effects-shadow-align: center; mso-effects-shadow-alpha: 43.0%; mso-effects-shadow-angledirection: 5400000; mso-effects-shadow-anglekx: 0; mso-effects-shadow-angleky: 0; mso-effects-shadow-color: #6E747A; mso-effects-shadow-dpidistance: 2.0pt; mso-effects-shadow-dpiradius: 3.0pt; mso-effects-shadow-pctsx: 100.0%; mso-effects-shadow-pctsy: 100.0%; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-ligatures: none;">Spending time
in nature: </span></i><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 125%; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-effects-shadow-align: center; mso-effects-shadow-alpha: 43.0%; mso-effects-shadow-angledirection: 5400000; mso-effects-shadow-anglekx: 0; mso-effects-shadow-angleky: 0; mso-effects-shadow-color: #6E747A; mso-effects-shadow-dpidistance: 2.0pt; mso-effects-shadow-dpiradius: 3.0pt; mso-effects-shadow-pctsx: 100.0%; mso-effects-shadow-pctsy: 100.0%; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-ligatures: none;">we are surrounded by natural beauty which is
healing for mind-body-spirit. So, make it a point to expose yourself to trees,
plants, earth by taking a walk in the park, going on a bike ride, kayaking, or
just sitting in your back yard and listening to the birds singing or watching
your pet enjoyment from being out. Do it often, at least 2-3 times a week.</span></li>
<li><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: Symbol; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 125%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-style: italic; mso-effects-shadow-align: center; mso-effects-shadow-alpha: 43.0%; mso-effects-shadow-angledirection: 5400000; mso-effects-shadow-anglekx: 0; mso-effects-shadow-angleky: 0; mso-effects-shadow-color: #6E747A; mso-effects-shadow-dpidistance: 2.0pt; mso-effects-shadow-dpiradius: 3.0pt; mso-effects-shadow-pctsx: 100.0%; mso-effects-shadow-pctsy: 100.0%; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol; mso-ligatures: none;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><i><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 125%; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-effects-shadow-align: center; mso-effects-shadow-alpha: 43.0%; mso-effects-shadow-angledirection: 5400000; mso-effects-shadow-anglekx: 0; mso-effects-shadow-angleky: 0; mso-effects-shadow-color: #6E747A; mso-effects-shadow-dpidistance: 2.0pt; mso-effects-shadow-dpiradius: 3.0pt; mso-effects-shadow-pctsx: 100.0%; mso-effects-shadow-pctsy: 100.0%; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-ligatures: none;">Gentle
movement, such as yoga, tai-chi, walking, swimming, or dancing. </span></i><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 125%; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-style: italic; mso-effects-shadow-align: center; mso-effects-shadow-alpha: 43.0%; mso-effects-shadow-angledirection: 5400000; mso-effects-shadow-anglekx: 0; mso-effects-shadow-angleky: 0; mso-effects-shadow-color: #6E747A; mso-effects-shadow-dpidistance: 2.0pt; mso-effects-shadow-dpiradius: 3.0pt; mso-effects-shadow-pctsx: 100.0%; mso-effects-shadow-pctsy: 100.0%; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-ligatures: none;">Plenty of research
showed that physical movement changes our brain chemistry through increasing
release of endorphins and </span><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 125%; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">reversing stress-induced
decreases in <abbr title="brain-derived neurotrophic factor">Brain-Derived
Neurotrophic Factor (BDNF</abbr>) expression; both of them counter the effects
of stress on the nervous system and brain. In addition, exercise helps regulate
secretion of cortisol (stress hormone) both in short- and long-term. So, if you
are feeling blah or anxious and don’t know what to do, make a choice in favor
of an exercise class, a run, walk, swim, or any other movement type that appeals
to you.</span><span style="color: black; font-family: Symbol; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 125%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-style: italic; mso-effects-shadow-align: center; mso-effects-shadow-alpha: 43.0%; mso-effects-shadow-angledirection: 5400000; mso-effects-shadow-anglekx: 0; mso-effects-shadow-angleky: 0; mso-effects-shadow-color: #6E747A; mso-effects-shadow-dpidistance: 2.0pt; mso-effects-shadow-dpiradius: 3.0pt; mso-effects-shadow-pctsx: 100.0%; mso-effects-shadow-pctsy: 100.0%; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol; mso-ligatures: none;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span></li>
<li><span style="color: black; font-family: Symbol; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 125%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-style: italic; mso-effects-shadow-align: center; mso-effects-shadow-alpha: 43.0%; mso-effects-shadow-angledirection: 5400000; mso-effects-shadow-anglekx: 0; mso-effects-shadow-angleky: 0; mso-effects-shadow-color: #6E747A; mso-effects-shadow-dpidistance: 2.0pt; mso-effects-shadow-dpiradius: 3.0pt; mso-effects-shadow-pctsx: 100.0%; mso-effects-shadow-pctsy: 100.0%; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol; mso-ligatures: none;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><i><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 125%; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-effects-shadow-align: center; mso-effects-shadow-alpha: 43.0%; mso-effects-shadow-angledirection: 5400000; mso-effects-shadow-anglekx: 0; mso-effects-shadow-angleky: 0; mso-effects-shadow-color: #6E747A; mso-effects-shadow-dpidistance: 2.0pt; mso-effects-shadow-dpiradius: 3.0pt; mso-effects-shadow-pctsx: 100.0%; mso-effects-shadow-pctsy: 100.0%; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-ligatures: none;">Playful
creativity, such as doodling, coloring, using clay, crafts, etc. </span></i><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 125%; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-style: italic; mso-effects-shadow-align: center; mso-effects-shadow-alpha: 43.0%; mso-effects-shadow-angledirection: 5400000; mso-effects-shadow-anglekx: 0; mso-effects-shadow-angleky: 0; mso-effects-shadow-color: #6E747A; mso-effects-shadow-dpidistance: 2.0pt; mso-effects-shadow-dpiradius: 3.0pt; mso-effects-shadow-pctsx: 100.0%; mso-effects-shadow-pctsy: 100.0%; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-ligatures: none;">Those kinds of
activities create a <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Gkb7HBUeKCk/V5kiONJpJBI/AAAAAAAAD90/fijIw2PJDtI0MzC5QfkJ21CxTrsnWt9hACLcB/s1600/2016-07%2Bpic%2B3%2Bcreative.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="133" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Gkb7HBUeKCk/V5kiONJpJBI/AAAAAAAAD90/fijIw2PJDtI0MzC5QfkJ21CxTrsnWt9hACLcB/s200/2016-07%2Bpic%2B3%2Bcreative.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
state of mindfulness and bring you into the present moment,
allowing you to be fully present, which in turn reduces stress and increases
enjoyment. Additional helpful effect of creative engagement is that it can help
you both express and process feelings that may </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 125%; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-style: italic; mso-effects-shadow-align: center; mso-effects-shadow-alpha: 43.0%; mso-effects-shadow-angledirection: 5400000; mso-effects-shadow-anglekx: 0; mso-effects-shadow-angleky: 0; mso-effects-shadow-color: #6E747A; mso-effects-shadow-dpidistance: 2.0pt; mso-effects-shadow-dpiradius: 3.0pt; mso-effects-shadow-pctsx: 100.0%; mso-effects-shadow-pctsy: 100.0%; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-ligatures: none;">not be reachable
with words. </span></li>
</ul>
<br />
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 125%; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-style: italic; mso-effects-shadow-align: center; mso-effects-shadow-alpha: 43.0%; mso-effects-shadow-angledirection: 5400000; mso-effects-shadow-anglekx: 0; mso-effects-shadow-angleky: 0; mso-effects-shadow-color: #6E747A; mso-effects-shadow-dpidistance: 2.0pt; mso-effects-shadow-dpiradius: 3.0pt; mso-effects-shadow-pctsx: 100.0%; mso-effects-shadow-pctsy: 100.0%; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-ligatures: none;"> In conclusion, no
matter what you do remember to give yourself a break and be compassionate.
Practicing self-compassion meditation may really help with improving your
ability to call on this state when you need it the most. And, self-compassion
not only helps you but it helps those around you through modeling a great
alternative to violent response. If each and every one of us could live in
self-compassion, we will not be dealing with a wave of violence today. </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 125%; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-style: italic; mso-effects-shadow-align: center; mso-effects-shadow-alpha: 43.0%; mso-effects-shadow-angledirection: 5400000; mso-effects-shadow-anglekx: 0; mso-effects-shadow-angleky: 0; mso-effects-shadow-color: #6E747A; mso-effects-shadow-dpidistance: 2.0pt; mso-effects-shadow-dpiradius: 3.0pt; mso-effects-shadow-pctsx: 100.0%; mso-effects-shadow-pctsy: 100.0%; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-ligatures: none;">May you be kind to
yourself each and every moment of the day!</span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 125%; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-style: italic; mso-effects-shadow-align: center; mso-effects-shadow-alpha: 43.0%; mso-effects-shadow-angledirection: 5400000; mso-effects-shadow-anglekx: 0; mso-effects-shadow-angleky: 0; mso-effects-shadow-color: #6E747A; mso-effects-shadow-dpidistance: 2.0pt; mso-effects-shadow-dpiradius: 3.0pt; mso-effects-shadow-pctsx: 100.0%; mso-effects-shadow-pctsy: 100.0%; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-ligatures: none;"> </span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Dr. Irina Diyankovahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17109426885406394955noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1609705821901239900.post-28159914258296039142016-05-18T12:42:00.000-07:002016-05-18T12:42:33.123-07:00Use of prayer in healing from trauma<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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I know…I know… Not everyone believes in God… Not everyone
likes God… You do NOT have to believe in God or like God in order to use prayer
and benefit from it on your healing journey. I mean it! Please, keep reading.
No matter what spiritual path you are on, you can facilitate your healing
through the daily or regular use of prayer.</div>
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Here is one of the definitions of prayer provided by the
Merriam-Webster dictionary: “An earnest request or wish”. Here is another
definition that I really like: “<span class="definition">A solemn request for
help or expression of thanks addressed to God or an object of worship</span>” (http://www.oxforddictionaries.com).
Here is an interesting idea, make your object of worship anything that works
for you. It could be a tree in your backyard or Universe or energy field or
your intuition or some real or imaginary </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-UO6QOV3SE60/VzzEaoe8rHI/AAAAAAAAD6w/NbKYQ4I9OZQ_sHdVV7rWg_GhQ2eEfOm6wCLcB/s1600/prayer%2Bhands.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-UO6QOV3SE60/VzzEaoe8rHI/AAAAAAAAD6w/NbKYQ4I9OZQ_sHdVV7rWg_GhQ2eEfOm6wCLcB/s1600/prayer%2Bhands.jpg" /></a></div>
community or Spirit or your Ancestors
or….<br />
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Our modern psychological and medical science has accumulated
an abundance of data showing that practices of prayer, especially the ones that
include gratitude, can help in healing of multiple physical and emotional
ailments.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When it comes to specifically healing from trauma, I am a proponent
of positive affirmative prayer, which includes the following steps:</div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">1.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Positive
affirmations</b> of your choosing that are worded in the present tense and as a
positive statements about you. They can range from “I am vibrant, whole,
and<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>healthy now” (no appeal to any
deity) to “I am healed through God’s Divine love and wisdom” (God is
recognized)</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Ufw_TZoe-wc/VzzEqHHgeII/AAAAAAAAD60/er333i5pQFUAFlDiwo8tLzC3O4VWH8SFwCLcB/s1600/2014-10%2Bgift.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Ufw_TZoe-wc/VzzEqHHgeII/AAAAAAAAD60/er333i5pQFUAFlDiwo8tLzC3O4VWH8SFwCLcB/s320/2014-10%2Bgift.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">2.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span></b><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Expressions of gratitude </b>for things or
changes that you would like to see in your life. It is upfront thanks, meaning
that you express gratitude BEFORE your wish is granted. Many spiritual teachers
believe in the POWER of gratitude. Rhonda Byrne, a New Thought author, goes as
far as saying that “gratitude is the great multiplier” referring to the
observation that things you regularly express gratitude for tend to manifest in
your life.</div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">3.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span></b><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Quiet meditation/reflection time. </b>Taking
5-10 min to focus on your breath or mantra (repetition of a word, using it as
an anchor, word has to carry positive meaning). Some examples of mantras
include: Love, gratitude, om, here now, calm, peace. Bringing your focus to
mantra or breath over and over and over again when you notice that you got
distracted.</div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">From the perspective
of neuroscience, </b>this kind of regular practice leads to shifting brain’s natural
negative bias into the new positive vision, establishing new neuronal pathways,
calming amygdala (brain’s center of negative emotion processing, over-active in
trauma survivors), restructuring negative core believes (so common in trauma
survivors).</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
From my clinical experience, when you take time out of your
day on the regular basis to align with the deepest and most sacred part of
yourself, you set priorities for your conscious and unconscious mind. You
consistently send signals to your brain (for those science types) or your soul
(for those spiritual types) of what is the most important in your life right
now and what your mind-body-spirit system needs to focus on. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Of course, for those healing from trauma, I suggest that you
focus on healing, releasing the past, and moving forward into the life you
envision for yourself. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-eXvalR3WI30/VzzE3C01lSI/AAAAAAAAD64/D_cqI1TwuZMy1xU_3FRtzKO4vEvzwIw0ACLcB/s1600/ask-believe-receive.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-eXvalR3WI30/VzzE3C01lSI/AAAAAAAAD64/D_cqI1TwuZMy1xU_3FRtzKO4vEvzwIw0ACLcB/s320/ask-believe-receive.jpg" width="320" /></a>If you would like some more help in establishing affirmative
prayer practice, you can read: <b>“Handbook of Positive Prayer”</b> by Hypatia
Hasbrouck. Also, there is an excellent resource for prayer support available to
any person of any spiritual belief or lack thereof. It is called <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Silent Unity, the 24/7 prayer ministry</b>.
You can call 1-800-NOW-PRAY (669-7729) and a trained prayer associate will pray
with you and for you (or your loved one) and will suggest a prayer that you can
use for your particular situation. Alternatively, you can submit your prayer
request online at <a href="http://www.unity.org/prayer">http://www.unity.org/prayer</a><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>or use UPray app on your smart phone. Once
your submit your prayer request, it is put into the Silent Unity Prayer Vigil
Chapel, where prayer has been going on non-stop, 24/7 for 125 years.</div>
<br />
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<br /></div>
Dr. Irina Diyankovahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17109426885406394955noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1609705821901239900.post-84463748258544603472015-02-11T08:08:00.000-08:002015-02-11T08:08:28.908-08:00Parts that don’t want to change<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="envelope address"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="envelope return"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="footnote reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="annotation reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="line number"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="page number"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="endnote reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="endnote text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="table of authorities"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="macro"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="toa heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="10" QFormat="true" Name="Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Plain Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="E-mail Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Top of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal (Web)"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Acronym"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Address"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Cite"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Code"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Definition"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Keyboard"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Preformatted"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Typewriter"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal Table"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Elegant"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Balloon Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" QFormat="true"
Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="41" Name="Plain Table 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="42" Name="Plain Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="43" Name="Plain Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="44" Name="Plain Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="45" Name="Plain Table 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="40" Name="Grid Table Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="Grid Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"> We all have parts in our psyche that DO NOT WANT to
change, that seem to be set on sabotaging every constructive move we make, and
on criticizing every tiny misstep on our way to the goal. These parts can
behave as real villains and cause us to feel angry, disappointed, discouraged, ashamed,
and hopeless. Sometimes it may seem that 'evil parts' just enjoy stirring up
internal wars and conflicts. I would like to give a few examples of the
kinds of parts I am talking about.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-oTMqSmg7rNA/VNt5IFmCpFI/AAAAAAAADrk/9Yw8kdX_Pc0/s1600/2015-02%2Bpic%2B7.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-oTMqSmg7rNA/VNt5IFmCpFI/AAAAAAAADrk/9Yw8kdX_Pc0/s1600/2015-02%2Bpic%2B7.jpg" height="180" width="320" /></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Lina, a 35
year-old successful lawyer, loving mother, and devoted wife, came to see me,
because she felt very down and depressed. She did not understand why she felt
so sad and fatigued, because her life was very good. When we started exploring
different parts that were active in Lina’s life, we identified a very critical
part that was beating Lina up 24/7 and a very young vulnerable part that was
extremely wounded by all those criticisms, and as a result felt very sad and
ashamed. Critical part kept telling Lina that she is no good and would never be
able to get out of the black hole, therefore preventing her from doing things
she knew would be helpful, such as exercise or meditation or talking to others
about her feelings. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-KHXMmPfWS_M/VNt5HAG90lI/AAAAAAAADrg/pCuPmGu1euk/s1600/2015-02%2Bpic%2B1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-KHXMmPfWS_M/VNt5HAG90lI/AAAAAAAADrg/pCuPmGu1euk/s1600/2015-02%2Bpic%2B1.jpg" height="180" width="320" /></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Some other
examples include parts that push people to abuse drugs and alcohol, parts that
starve folks or push them to overeat, parts that tell individuals to kill
themselves or kill someone else. All these parts seem to resist and undermine
any positive action towards healing. No wonder that we often feel frustrated
and angry at those parts. It is understandable that we want to kick them out of
our systems. However, the more we fight those parts internally, the meaner and
more powerful they get. Are we doomed then to be miserable forever? Not at all!</span><br />
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #7030a0;">Internal Family Systems</span></b><span style="color: #7030a0;"> </span>approach suggests that all parts of our psyche, even “the most
evil ones”, have positive intentions and are trying to help us in some way.
Their behaviors maybe counterproductive, because they act on the basis of past
information or out of fear, they may be stuck in the past, or they may be so
young that it is difficult for them to make mature choices. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Once we
understand that the parts have our best interests in mind, we can find our way
to their hearts and solicit their cooperation. The technology of working with
those parts that I describe below may seem weird or even crazy in the
beginning. Do not be quick to judge though. Give it some consideration. Try it
out and see what happens. Here are the steps:</span></div>
<br />
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-2jjdLkINTBc/VNt5Ha4oxgI/AAAAAAAADrc/fa4gsPiASjk/s1600/2015-02%2Bpic%2B4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-2jjdLkINTBc/VNt5Ha4oxgI/AAAAAAAADrc/fa4gsPiASjk/s1600/2015-02%2Bpic%2B4.jpg" height="180" width="320" /></a><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">1.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span></b><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #7030a0; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Identify a “villain” part<br />
</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">It
helps to notice what you experience in your body, when a problematic
behavior/response occurs. Breathe into those bodily sensations and see what
images, memories, thoughts, believes, or feelings arise. Those are different
characteristics of the part. Ask the part how it would like to be referred to.
If the part does not know, give it some tentative label, preferably not
negative.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">2.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #7030a0; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Stop treating part as a
criminal<br />
</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Now
that you know that the interfering part has positive intentions towards you
(just trust this one assertion of the Internal Family Systems approach), look
at it from this angle. Tell it that you know it is trying to help.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">3.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #7030a0; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Befriend the part<br />
</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Find
something about the part that you like. May be your critical part sometimes
gives you helpful advice or may be it got you out of mess in the past or may be
you can see that it really cares. Once you find something likeable about the part,
tell it. Appreciate it as much and as often as you can and preferably WITHOUT
any agenda.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">4.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #7030a0; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Get to know the part<br />
</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Find
a place of non-judgmental curiosity within you. From that place, ask the part
what is its job in your system, what is it afraid of, what is it trying to
protect you from, how old is it. Be patient. Give part space, time, and
attention. As your part communicates to you in words, images, feelings, or body
sensations, LISTEN WITHOUT JUDGMENT. Tell it that you hear what it is saying to
you. WORK HARD if needed to really understand where the part is coming from.
Communicate your understanding to the part.</span><br />
<br />
<br />
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-cgg8J6Ar9AQ/VNt94JdBh5I/AAAAAAAADsQ/cyIrqgzafxc/s1600/2015-02%2B%2Bpic%2B10.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-cgg8J6Ar9AQ/VNt94JdBh5I/AAAAAAAADsQ/cyIrqgzafxc/s1600/2015-02%2B%2Bpic%2B10.jpg" height="112" width="200" /></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">5.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #7030a0; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Find compassion for the
part<br />
</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">As
you go through the steps outlined above, you may notice that your reactions to
the part, as well as your perception of it, transform. You may find compassion,
empathy, tenderness, connection, love and other affectionate feelings towards
it. If this is the case, express those freely. Let the part bask in the light
of your love. HOWEVER, if your feelings towards the part have not changed, ask
other parts to step back and give you space to be with the part. Once every other
part steps back, you will notice compassion and openness towards the part in
focus.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">6.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #7030a0; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Ask the part what it
needs from you<br />
</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">No
matter what the part tells you, validate its needs. Even if those seem like
unreasonable demands, even if there is nothing you can do to meet them, tell
the part that you hear and respect what it needs. Talk to the part about your
desire to meet the need and any constraints you might have. If you can meet the
part’s need, by all means do.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Repeat<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>steps 3 through 6 as often as possible,
preferably on the daily basis, for a few weeks. Notice how this transforms your
relationship with the “evil” part. Once you have a consistent connection with
the part, you may learn that the part is willing to cooperate with you.
Negotiate with the part, explore the room for wiggle and growth. Appreciate any
concessions the part is willing to make, no matter how minimal. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In the
process of getting to know your problematic part, you may find that it is
protecting some vulnerable wounded side of you. If this is the case, the
protected part will need to be helped. HOWEVER, the steps of helping the
traumatized part should be taken with the help of the professional. Find an IFS
therapist in your community and work with them on alleviating pain of the young
traumatized parts. Here is the link to the national directory of IFS
therapists: </span><a href="http://www.selfleadership.org/find-an-ifs-therapist.html"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">http://www.selfleadership.org/find-an-ifs-therapist.html</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To
illustrate the aforementioned steps we will look at two different parts of two
different individuals. Remember Lina I talked about in the beginning of this
post? Once we identified Lina’s critical part, we worked on befriending her. In
the process we learned that it was a 10-year-old part that took on protective
role, because Lina was repeatedly and consistently hurt by both of her parents.
They criticized her every imperfection and every tiny misstep, and often beat
her “to teach a lesson”. So, the Critical part took on a job of protecting Lina
from parental criticisms and beatings by whipping her internally in shape. The
part reasoned that if Lina was more perfect, she would not be in trouble
anymore. Lina was able to understand where the part was coming from and change
her perception of the part. With time, she even developed fondness for the
Critic. She kindly and patiently coached the part on the ways to provide
constructive and helpful feedback. The part was a very good learner, and she
transformed her ways of treating Lina very quickly. The true liberation though
came after we helped younger sad and ashamed part of Lina that Critic was
protecting. </span><br />
<br />
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-CFYJNn9mczQ/VNt7ANhndeI/AAAAAAAADsE/1axlOxrIr_U/s1600/2015-02%2Bpic%2B8.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-CFYJNn9mczQ/VNt7ANhndeI/AAAAAAAADsE/1axlOxrIr_U/s1600/2015-02%2Bpic%2B8.jpg" height="180" width="320" /></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Another example is from my own life. I have
a part that is addicted to sugar. She constantly pushes me to eat desserts. In
the past, left unchecked my Sugarholic part fed me cakes and pastries for
breakfast, lunch, and dinner. What is even worse, is that I did not want to eat
any whole real food, when I was so hooked on sugar. I worked very hard to
abstain from sweets through willpower, through shaming and blaming this part, and
trying to push it out of my system. Any temporary success has always been followed
by triumphant sugar binges. My sugar consumption was getting more and more out
of control. Finally, in January 2014, I stopped fighting my Sugarholic part. I
welcomed it into my system as an equal partner, who has the same right to be in
me as any of my favorite intelligent and compassionate parts. I spent hours
listening to this part and appreciating it. I understood that Sugarholic part
had very valid reasons for behaving the way it did. This part protected sad
lonely girl, who felt unloved and misunderstood. Once Sugarholic came to trust
me, she let me connect with the sad girl in me directly. I have been able to
show the girl my love and my compassion. The girl has been healing slowly but
surely. Now, when I experience sugar craving, I stop and talk to both
Sugarholic and Sad Girl. I give them love and compassion, and they relax and
make it possible for me to abstain from sweets.</span><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-ADcg7KWId-U/VNt5H5ZO6II/AAAAAAAADro/2ZwuF-r4pHM/s1600/2015-02%2Bpic%2B6.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><br />
<br />
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Gw_PJ5IlLzg/VNt97JlMULI/AAAAAAAADsc/wccIOBIL0jc/s1600/2015-02%2Bpic%2B9.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Gw_PJ5IlLzg/VNt97JlMULI/AAAAAAAADsc/wccIOBIL0jc/s1600/2015-02%2Bpic%2B9.jpg" height="180" width="320" /></a><br />
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Working with
my own and other people’s parts, I learned that there are no bad and evil
monsters in human psyche. If welcomed and loved, any misguided and wounded part
would eventually transform and become a helpful prosocial member of the
Internal community. Happy connecting with your internal “demons”! Please, ask
questions and comment. This is not an easy process. Any and all experiences are
welcome. </span>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
Dr. Irina Diyankovahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17109426885406394955noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1609705821901239900.post-51554302961472881982015-01-11T12:46:00.002-08:002015-01-11T12:46:25.646-08:00Survival versus Healing Modes in recovery from trauma<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="heading 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="heading 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="heading 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="index 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="index 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="index 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="index 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="index 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="index 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="index 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="toc 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="toc 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="toc 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="toc 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="toc 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="toc 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="toc 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="toc 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="toc 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal Indent"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="footnote text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="annotation text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="header"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="footer"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="index heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="35" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="caption"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="table of figures"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="envelope address"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="envelope return"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="footnote reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="annotation reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="line number"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="endnote reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="endnote text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="table of authorities"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="macro"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="toa heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="10" QFormat="true" Name="Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="FollowedHyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Plain Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="E-mail Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Top of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal (Web)"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Acronym"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Address"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Cite"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Code"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Definition"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Keyboard"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Preformatted"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Typewriter"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal Table"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Elegant"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" QFormat="true"
Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="41" Name="Plain Table 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="42" Name="Plain Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="43" Name="Plain Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="44" Name="Plain Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="45" Name="Plain Table 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="40" Name="Grid Table Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="Grid Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful"/>
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<br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #7030a0; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;"></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-FKREaJyyjpI/VLLeJPKqzwI/AAAAAAAADaQ/U__Q_iJcy3o/s1600/Survival%2Bvs%2BHealing%2B5.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-FKREaJyyjpI/VLLeJPKqzwI/AAAAAAAADaQ/U__Q_iJcy3o/s1600/Survival%2Bvs%2BHealing%2B5.jpg" height="180" width="320" /></a><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After the traumatic event is over our
struggle to survive just started. Now we have to do something about the
memories, the images, and the feelings. Our psyche often suggests that there is
only one option, which is to keep moving. We have a fear that if we stop, we
will fall apart and cease to function all together. So, we employ our body,
especially our nervous system,<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>and our
mind <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>to focus on staying busy and
engaged in our present life. Sounds like a great idea, right? However, we
cannot really be fully present with our life until we process what happened and
heal from it. We are caught between the rock and the hard place. BUT WE ARE SURVIVORS!
So, we keep pushing memories, feelings, and later symptoms down and aside. We
keep moving and striving. We work hard just to stay afloat.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-X8AtVvN1yrw/VLLeH-4z6EI/AAAAAAAADaA/KaN4rbHbzWM/s1600/Survival%2Bvs%2BHealing%2B2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-X8AtVvN1yrw/VLLeH-4z6EI/AAAAAAAADaA/KaN4rbHbzWM/s1600/Survival%2Bvs%2BHealing%2B2.jpg" height="112" width="200" /></a><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This set up may work for us for a while,
but after a few months or a few years our minds and our </div>
bodies get exhausted
from working non-stop on keeping the horror out of our consciousness. We start
getting fatigued, depressed, physically sick, anxious. At this point, dorsal
branch of the parasympathetic nervous system gets activated. As a result, we
may go into the chronic “freeze” state, which is often accompanied by
dissociation and avoidance. Alternatively, we might employ some stronger
tactics at that point, like alcohol and drugs or compulsive sex to help us handle
our internal mess. All of those tactics might be good in the moment, but they
only bring a temporary relief and are accompanied by serious consequences to
our health, our relationships, and our lives as a whole. We keep hoping that if
we wait long enough, our wounds will get healed by time. However, trauma does
not have an expiration date. So, waiting alone is not going to help.<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sooner or later we face the dilemma. We
can’t keep going anymore, because we are exhausted and falling apart, but we are
really afraid of letting go, because we are confident we will lose it forever.
This is a point of reaching the limits of the survival mode, which has been
helpful and is familiar to us. We need to let go of it and shift into the
healing mode, but it is unknown and scary as hell. I will help us understand
what healing mode is, how we can shift into it, and some of the drawbacks
associated with switching into the healing mode.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>At the point when we are forced to turn
survival mode off or when our bodies or minds already did it for us, we have a
choice to make. Our choice is between falling into the abyss of depression,
PTSD, another emotional disorder, getting sick physically OR shifting into the
healing mode. We often feel like we DON’T have a choice. We just fall into the
abyss. BUT WE DO. We can start working on shifting into the HEALING MODE at any
point in the process. It can happen before we reach the limits of the SURVIVAL
mode, right at that point, or even afterwards. It is NEVER too LATE <span style="font-family: Wingdings; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-char-type: symbol; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;"><span style="mso-char-type: symbol; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;">J</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Here is how I understand the <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #7030a0;">HEALING MODE</span></b>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We heal, when we give ourselves space and
time to connect with our Divine core, which is connected with Universe, Higher
Power, or God, or </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-S-b706b8lxw/VLLfSj5HF1I/AAAAAAAADa0/mCvRHnE1dUM/s1600/Survival%2Bvs%2BHealing%2B7.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-S-b706b8lxw/VLLfSj5HF1I/AAAAAAAADa0/mCvRHnE1dUM/s1600/Survival%2Bvs%2BHealing%2B7.jpg" height="180" width="320" /></a></div>
some other Higher Source as you understand it. When we are in
the HEALING MODE, we feel calm, connected, loved and loving, supported,
expansive, and trusting. Our creativity and our senses are enhanced. Time often
stops or slows down in our perception. Healing mode is also associated with the
increased activity of the ventral branch of parasympathetic nervous system (as
opposed to the dorsal branch, which is responsible for the freeze response in
trauma) and decreased activity of sympathetic nervous system.<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>According to Peter Levine, the author of
Waking the Tiger, animals shift into the healing mode automatically and quickly
after objective danger goes away. They do it through the process of discharge,
when they shake and vocalize. For humans the shift is not automatic and often
does not happen at all. But it does not mean that it could not happen. We can
facilitate this process by integrating certain practices in our lives. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-tPxWYo_Fzcg/VLLeH1jJQHI/AAAAAAAADaE/ypLesOosSyw/s1600/Survival%2Bvs%2BHealing%2B1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-tPxWYo_Fzcg/VLLeH1jJQHI/AAAAAAAADaE/ypLesOosSyw/s1600/Survival%2Bvs%2BHealing%2B1.jpg" height="112" width="200" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #7030a0;">SHIFTING INTO
THE HEALING MODE</span></b></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>From the physiological perspective, we
need to activate the ventral branch of the parasympathetic nervous system. At
this point, science has a lot of data about the ways to trigger this response.<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"> 1.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #7030a0;">Safety<br />
</span></b>First, this response is easier to trigger, when environment is
assessed to be safe. So, two important things to do in the beginning of the
process are as follows:</div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: 1.0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level2 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">a.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>Find an objectively safe place to be (i.e., your
bedroom, a secluded natural spot, or any other physical place that is
OBJECTIVELY safe).</div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: 1.0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level2 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">b.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>Once you are in a physically safe place, work on
creating a SENSE of being safe by using safe place imagery, praying,
meditating, or employing any other safety practice you are aware of.</div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #7030a0; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">2.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span></b><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #7030a0;">2. Physical
practices</span></b></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: 1.0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level2 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">a.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>Stretching muscles as in hatha yoga practices
triggers ventral parasympathetic nervous system and relaxation response. Note
please, that some yoga classes MAY </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-GirngLhyyKI/VLLeJccMJzI/AAAAAAAADaU/yYKD-yfl2wM/s1600/Survival%2Bvs%2BHealing%2B6.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-GirngLhyyKI/VLLeJccMJzI/AAAAAAAADaU/yYKD-yfl2wM/s1600/Survival%2Bvs%2BHealing%2B6.jpg" height="112" width="200" /></a></div>
NOT be appropriate here (e.g., ashtanga
yoga, brikham yoga or power yoga). Classes that may be helpful include but are
not limited to subtle yoga, beginner yoga, restorative yoga, therapeutic yoga, or
yin yoga. If you are using yoga at home go for the poses from the first and
last phases of your typical yoga class. Some examples of those poses include
cat-cow, child’s pose, legs up the wall, gentle twists, bridge, and shavasana.<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: 1.0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level2 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">b.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>Any MILD exercise. I really mean it. Streneous
aerobic exercise or running are NOT good choices here. Opt for a walk in
nature, dancing, or swimming.</div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: 1.0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level2 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">c.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>Rhythmical movement is also good. Examples of it
include mild vinyasa yoga, dancing, and walking.</div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">3.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #7030a0;">3. Rituals and routines <br />
</span></b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Rituals and routines are
very important in supporting shift into the healing mode. Our nervous system
responds well to predictability and repetition, which are basic components of
any ritual or routine. So, consider starting and ending your day the same way.
For example, having coffee every morning while you journal or starting day with
a prayer or a brief yoga practice or just a shower and breakfast are all good
ways of calming your nervous system from get go. The content of the routine is
LESS important than its repetition and predictability. <br />
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The same goes for the end of the
day. Here are some of the ideas of calming pre-sleep routines: (a) having a cup
of chamomile tea w/1/2 tsp of honey while reading something calming; (2) taking
a WARM shower or bath with aroma oils of lavender, chamomile, rosemary, ylang-ylang
or sweet orange; (3) listen to calm music while working on a crossword or
puzzle; (4) journal about your day or things that you are grateful for; use
words or pictures or scribbles, use colors; (5) do deep breathing and guided
imagery exercise. <br />
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One pre-caution in regards to the
bedtime routines. Many people love watching TV or surfing the net and believe
that those are good calming practices. Even though it may feel calming to you
in the moment, those activities do NOT calm our nervous system. You may fall
asleep or doze off, because you are exhausted, but the quality of your sleep is
not going to be great.</div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #7030a0; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">4.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span></b><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #7030a0;">4. Music and use
of voice</span></b></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: 1.0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level2 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">a.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>Listening to calming music, including but not
limited to nature sounds, classical and new age music, tends to trigger the
ventral parasympathetic response associated with HEALING mode.</div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: 1.0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level2 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">b.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>Vocalizing like in singing, screaming, or crying
may be very helpful</div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: 1.0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level2 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">c.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>Playing musical instruments intuitively (not
learned piece of music or professional performance) and letting yourself
express your current state maybe very helpful.</div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: 1.0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level2 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-q98LRlNkVUc/VLLeHy_QoeI/AAAAAAAADao/_9LIC6F8rEA/s1600/Survival%2Bvs%2BHealing%2B3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-q98LRlNkVUc/VLLeHy_QoeI/AAAAAAAADao/_9LIC6F8rEA/s1600/Survival%2Bvs%2BHealing%2B3.jpg" height="112" width="200" /></a><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">5.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #7030a0;">Connecting with the Divine<br />
</span></b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Connecting with the
Divine in your life may be very helpful. It does not mean going to church and
practicing religion. You could use going to church if it works for you. For
many people it does not do it. If you are one of these folks, try one of the following:</div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: 1.0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level2 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">a.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>Identify your own Higher Power and talk to it in
your own voice and your own words. Different people have very different
understanding and images of Higher Power. For some it may be the Universal
Energy, for others – spirits of the deceased ancestors, yet for others it may
be Nature or Community. It does not matter what it is, as long as the image
speaks to and resonates with you.</div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: 1.0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level2 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">b.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>Spend time in Natural spots that you like and
watch/admire natural beauty and wildlife</div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: 1.0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level2 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">c.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>Play with and take care of babies</div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: 1.0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level2 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">d.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>Play with pets</div>
<br />
<h4>
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">6.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #7030a0;">Being in SELF from IFS perspective</span></b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /> </span><span style="font-weight: normal;">Being in SELF, as <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Internal Family Systems Model defines it, is
very healing for our psyches and bodies. There are different ways of getting
into that state, which is associated with compassion, curiosity, calmness,
clarity, confidence, creativity, courage, and connectedness.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> <br /> </span>One way is to spend 10-15 min
listening to your parts from the place of compassion. As each part feels
acknowledged and understood, ask it to step back. When all activated parts step
back, you are left with the Self. Now you can spend some time in that healing
place of acceptance and serenity.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /> </span>Another way is to use one of the
more traditional meditation approaches. Self-compassion meditation or mantra-based
meditation with the use of one of the C-words may be very helpful in evoking
that state. Of course, as with any other practices, repetition and consistency
are the keys to reaching and enjoying the benefits of the HEALING Mode.<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"> </span></span></span></h4>
<h4>
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">7.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #7030a0;">Intimate and safe connection with another person</span></b> <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /> </span><span style="font-weight: normal;">When we look into the loving eyes of
another and feel the warmth and tenderness of their touch and their openness to
us and our experiences, we are in the healing space. Deliberately focusing on
those moments and cherishing them may be very helpful. Whether it is a smile
that came from the stranger or a hug from a co-worker or a brief exchange with
a family member about your day, be present in that moment and cherish it.
Collect those interpersonal moments as opposed to the moments of conflict,
disconnect, or misunderstanding that are frequent guests in most of our
interpersonal spaces.</span><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"> </span></span></h4>
<h4>
<span style="background-color: #f3f3f3;"><span style="color: purple;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">8.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>Rest and Relaxation </span></span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /> </span><span style="font-weight: normal;">Sleep and rest are very
important components of healing. So, instead of freaking out when you slept for
8 or 10 hours, tell yourself that you let your body and mind restore and repair
and increased the amount of goodness in the world. If you can let yourself lay
around, read, nap with your pet, watch fire in the fireplace or stars in the
night sky, DO IT!!! The healing nature of those activities cannot be
overestimated.</span></h4>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #7030a0;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Instead of conclusion</span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Working with trauma survivors, I am very
aware of how difficult it is for many to shift into and be in the HEALING MODE.
In the beginning you may be able to tolerate only brief moments of it and only
one or two of the aforementioned practices. AND, IT”S OK! As you continue
healing, your ability to tolerate the states of calm and relaxation will
increase and with it will increase the effects of being in the healing mode. Be
gentle and patient with yourself. Be compassionate towards you as you would be
towards a baby, who is learning how to crawl. HAPPY SHIFTING!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
Dr. Irina Diyankovahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17109426885406394955noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1609705821901239900.post-41778236358749646512014-12-01T18:36:00.003-08:002014-12-01T18:36:41.173-08:00Practice of gratitude as an antidote to depression and PTSD<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-vrrxlZYHBHU/VH0ks0u4veI/AAAAAAAADDE/Gc928WH1WI0/s1600/gratitude%2B1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-vrrxlZYHBHU/VH0ks0u4veI/AAAAAAAADDE/Gc928WH1WI0/s1600/gratitude%2B1.jpg" height="180" width="320" /></a> I have heard and
read about gratitude and its positive impact on health for years before the
first attempt to apply it to my situation. Every spiritual approach and
religion out there teaches about importance and helpfulness of gratitude. In
the past twenty years or so scientists have been catching up with the idea as
well. For example, Robert Emmons, Ph.D. is a director of the lab at UC-Davis
that has been studying gratitude and well-being for many years now. In one of
the projects they asked people to keep daily journals. One group was asked to
record things they are grateful for, another group was asked to write about
difficulties and events causing negative feelings, and the third group was
asked to write about any of their daily experiences. The study found that those
who kept gratitude journals exercised more regularly, reported fewer physical
symptoms, felt better about their lives as a whole, and were more optimistic
about the upcoming week compared to those who recorded hassles or neutral life
events (Emmons & McCullough, 2003). Other studies showed positive effects
of gratitude on the functioning of immune system, mood, anxiety, recovery from
trauma, relationships, and so forth. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Despite all the
overwhelming evidence that practicing gratitude may improve both physical and
mental health, I never considered applying those findings to myself. When it
was first suggested to me to write in a gratitude journal, I thought my
therapist was full of shit. REALLY???? Gratitude journal? What the fuck do I
have to be grateful for? Nightmares? Panic attacks? Constant problems with my
physical health? Immigration issues? Inability to get out of bed, because I am
so fatigued and depressed? Struggling with simple things like making meals for
my family and cleaning my house? My anger took the best out of me at that
point, and I did not follow up on this idea. Just a year later I found myself
so depressed that I was willing to try anything. At that point, my therapist
suggested gratitude journal again, and I agreed to give it a go.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The idea was to
write down 3-5 things I am grateful for on a daily basis. My first entries in gratitude journal had 1 or
2 items. Most of them read something along the lines: “I am grateful that this
day is over” or “I am thankful I can go to bed now”. I was NOT sarcastic. This
is how I really felt. As months went by my entries became more comprehensive
and included a number of different appreciations. I became capable of feeling
grateful for good night’s sleep and for enough energy to wash dishes and for
play time with my daughter. Few months later I graduated to being thankful
for my husband’s sense of humor, my daughter’s curious mind, my body’s ability
to practice yoga, and for the safety of my neighborhood. What was happening to
me? I believe that my ability to notice good things and blessings in life was
developing. It has been exercised daily for a while. So, a year after I started
this practice I was more capable of paying attention to and focusing on things
that were right. And, I discovered through this practice that there was much
more right than wrong with my life. I kind of knew it before, but I did not
feel or experience it until I put time and effort into the gratitude journal.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In addition to my
sharpened ability to notice good things, I believe that the practice of
gratitude led to improved mood, decreased anxiety, and increased sense of
well-being. Since my first gratitude journal, I keep coming back to this
practice over and over again. I start making entries on the daily basis, when I
notice first signs of depression creeping in. Also, I actively use my journal
through the holiday season to stay grounded in the hurricaines of commercialism
and entitlement that I observe around me. Some entries in my journal are about
big things, like my house or peace and safety of my community; others are about
small things like playing with my cat or beautiful colors of fall leaves. Sometimes
when I had a difficult day, I read through the journal entries in the evening
and they remind me of the wider positive context of my life and help me escape
the tunnel vision.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-YKSTEp3_v5w/VH0kxVZWB8I/AAAAAAAADDM/iVXH_1GWYHM/s1600/gratitude%2B2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-YKSTEp3_v5w/VH0kxVZWB8I/AAAAAAAADDM/iVXH_1GWYHM/s1600/gratitude%2B2.jpg" height="180" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I highly
recommend this practice to anyone struggling with depression, anxiety, or PTSD.
If you are willing to try, start with a clean notebook and a pen. Write down
today’s date and underneath it describe 3-5 different things you are grateful
for today. Then repeat the same thing tomorrow, the day after tomorrow, and
daily for two weeks. In the end of the two weeks, read through your entries.
Notice how they make you feel. Reflect on how this practice affected you (even
in tiniest ways) in the past two weeks. If you noticed any positive effects at
all, consider continuing with it.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b> Helpful tips
about gratitude journal:</b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0px;">
</div>
<ol>
<li><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">You don’t have to write in it every day to get the
benefits. Even writing in it once a week could be very helpful. HOWEVER, consistency
and continuity are very important like with any practice. After all, you would
not go to the GYM just once and expect that this visit will get you in good
shape. Right?</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Symbol; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;"> </span></span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">If you feel resistant towards this idea, ask
yourself what concerns you. Maybe it seems cheesy to a part of you or maybe it
feels like too much work. Maybe a part of you feels hopeless and not willing to
try yet another approach only to find it did not help in the end. Acknowledge
any and all concerns that you are hearing from different sides of you. Treat
those questions and worries as very important. Ask what can help that side feel
less worried. And then follow through with that. You may be surprised how easy
internal resistances could be resolved once we listen with respect and show
desire to work things out.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Symbol; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;"> </span></span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Make the experience of writing in the journal
pleasing for you. Use supplies that you like. Buy a notebook that appeals to
you and that you want to use. Be creative with the journal if you feel like it.
Doodling, drawing, writing in circles, create collages, using mixed media, or whatever
else that appeals to the different sides of you will facilitate this process
and make it more interesting.</span></li>
</ol>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
If you would like to learn more
about gratitude’s impact on well-being and different gratitude practices, check
out the following resources:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="margin-left: .75in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><a href="http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/topic/gratitude">http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/topic/gratitude</a><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .75in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><a href="http://emmons.faculty.ucdavis.edu/">http://emmons.faculty.ucdavis.edu/</a><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="margin-left: .75in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><a href="http://www.gratefulness.org/">http://www.gratefulness.org/</a><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Thank you for reading,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
Irina Diyankova<o:p></o:p></div>
Dr. Irina Diyankovahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17109426885406394955noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1609705821901239900.post-53506982940458690432014-10-15T17:27:00.004-07:002014-10-15T17:27:45.617-07:00When and where will it end?<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt; text-align: left;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-ii0NNvva-vs/VD7BMyP6Y7I/AAAAAAAACfs/Ou3pzkkVZeU/s1600/finishing%2Bline.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-ii0NNvva-vs/VD7BMyP6Y7I/AAAAAAAACfs/Ou3pzkkVZeU/s1600/finishing%2Bline.jpg" height="179" width="320" /></a><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;"> I am often asked by my clients whether
they “will ever be normal again”. I hear over and over something along the lines of: “Will I ever be
able to move on?” or “Will the time come when I am not affected by my past
traumas?” or “When will I be healed?” In other words, most clients want to know when will IT be over? People often wish I would say that </span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;">I have a magic wand that would completely
heal them once I wave. They hope that I would at least tell them that </span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">they
will be completely done after N number of sessions or months or if they work
really hard.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;"> Nobody wants to hear that his or her life
was changed FOREVER by the traumatic events that happened to them and that the
more events happened or the longer in duration and the higher in intensity they
were, the more it affected their bodies and souls. No one is prepared for the
idea that there is NO WAY BACK. You are NEVER going to be the same person,
ever! It is very hard to swallow. Believe me I know, because I am both in your
shoes and the shoes of the mental health professional.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;"> My conscious healing journey from the
traumatic events of my past started in 2005. Even though I struggled with
depression and suffered from anxiety for years before that, and I even sought
help and benefited from psychotherapy and alternative treatments, it was NOT
until I acknowledged to myself that I had been deeply affected and continue to
be affected by the traumas of my past that I took the first steps on my path
towards healing. I am still on this journey, and I will be for as long as
needed if not forever. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;"> </span><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-eHXk21jFcn8/VD8LePiZ9NI/AAAAAAAACf8/empz7_Y7C1U/s1600/2014-10%2Bhard%2Bwork.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-eHXk21jFcn8/VD8LePiZ9NI/AAAAAAAACf8/empz7_Y7C1U/s1600/2014-10%2Bhard%2Bwork.jpg" height="179" width="320" /></a></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;"> Today I look back at the nine years of
hard personal work that included consistent psychotherapy, daily self-care
practices, countless sessions of acupuncture, massage, energy healing, numerous
meditation and healing retreats, and I experience both pride and shock. I
wonder how I would have felt on that day in 2005, when I realized how wounded I
was by the past and that I cannot continue running away from it, if I knew that
nine years later I will still be healing? Would I have taken that first step or
would I have decided to keep running away? Was it even a free choice at that
point? Maybe I took that step because I reached my personal bottom of sickness
and exhaustion? Even though I have all these questions, I know that today I feel
HAPPY taking that step in 2005. I am very glad that I kept taking one more
step every day of those nine years. Some of these steps were backwards, others
were accompanied by despair, some were taken in anger or rebelliousness, others
were more like inch-long baby steps, AND it all is OK. <o:p></o:p></span><br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;"> There is ONLY one wish I have, when it comes
to reflecting on what I could have done differently. I really regret wasting so
much of my time, energy, and emotion on the question of whether I will ever be
NORMAL. I thought about it, I talked about it, I cried about it, I raged about
it, and then I realized IT DID NOT MATTER. What the fuck???? How did I not see it sooner? But that is OK
too. I guess it is all a part of a journey. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;"> So, you might wonder where am I at in the
end of my nine-year long healing journey and what do I have to show for it?
Here are my thoughts.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<ul>
<li><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="margin-bottom: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"> </span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="color: purple;"><strong>MY JOURNEY IS NOT OVER and IT IS OK with
me</strong></span>. I continue to work daily on supporting my traumatized brain and nervous
system by meditating, journaling, and practicing yoga. I am religious about my
sleep, eating, hydrating, and taking medications and supplements. Sometimes I
need more support, when the stress level in my life increases. So, I sleep
longer hours, practice reiki daily, do grounding multiple times a day, write in
my gratitude journal, take long walks outside, etc. Sometimes I get cocky,
because I have been feeling really good for a while. Very quickly my brain and
nervous system put me in place by escalating migraines, increased irritability
and anger, or intensifying depressive symptoms, and I am back on track. Again,
I am focused on one day at a time and one step at a time.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="color: purple;"><strong>I HAVE GATHERED A LOT OF “FRUITS” from
my endless labor of recovery</strong></span>. I have much more empathy for myself and other
people. I enjoy my life much more. I have learned so much about Myself, other
people, my two cultures, and the world in general. I would not have done it if
my PTSD has not continued to push me. An added benefit in my situation is that
I have become such a better therapist as a result of all that personal work. I
know how to deal with the flare-ups and can detect them much quicker than
before.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"> <span style="color: purple;"><strong>
</strong></span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="color: purple;"><strong>I AM CHANGED FOREVER by what happened to
me.</strong></span> Because so many different traumatic events happened over a stretch of
twenty years, because some of them happened when I was a child, and because I
have been running away from the past for a while, my mind and body are much more
sensitive to the daily stressors and much deeper affected by them. I have many
more needs than your average Jane or Joe. I need much more support and
resources to keep going. I used to agonize over all of it: my “weak
constitution”, my “neediness”, lack of normalcy in my life and so on. Here is what I
believe today. I NEVER ASKED to be traumatized. WHAT HAPPENED to me was NOT
FAIR, and I DID NOT have a choice. Therefore, it is not my fault I have so many
needs. HOWEVER, it is MY RESPONSIBILITY to take care of myself and my needs as
an adult. I am working hard and doing the best I can to minimize the impact of
my condition on those around me. That is all I can really expect of myself.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="color: purple;"><strong>THE JOURNEY HAS BEEN DIFFICULT and
PAINFUL but LESS AND LESS so, as I kept moving forward.</strong></span> Today I am walking my
path with acceptance and curiosity, and it is much nicer to me than in the
past, when I was moving along it kicking and screaming and trying to run in the
other direction.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="color: purple;"><strong>I keep at it NOT because I have to
anymore</strong></span>. I continue my journey, because I firmly believe that <span style="color: purple;"><strong>I DESERVE HEALING</strong></span>
and so does everyone else and so does the world. So, </span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">every step that I take on
my own healing journey makes our world a little brighter and a little more
loving and a little more peaceful. I know that if everyone in this world were
to do their <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-LDPGsXfKq1Y/VD8PFaFNQbI/AAAAAAAACgI/YRQ8yminZIo/s1600/2014-10%2Bgift.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-LDPGsXfKq1Y/VD8PFaFNQbI/AAAAAAAACgI/YRQ8yminZIo/s1600/2014-10%2Bgift.jpg" height="112" width="200" /></a></div>
own HEALING WORK, we will have no more war and no more violence and
no more trauma to pass on to the future generations. I did not have a say in whether
I will get to experience violence, HOWEVER, I have a say in whether I am going
to perpetrate it and pass it on. And I have been saying “NO!” every day for the
past 9 years. So, my HEALING WORK is NOT only my gift to myself, it is my gift
to you and to the world.</span></div>
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As a result, today I am not worried about when and how and whether it is going to end. I hope that this account will help reduce your worry too. I wish you the best on your healing journey. I know you can walk the path and learn to enjoy it too, because I did, many of my clients did, and because there is a lot of support available for this kind of healing today.</div>
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Dr. Irina Diyankovahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17109426885406394955noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1609705821901239900.post-50732758340975047432014-09-24T18:29:00.000-07:002014-09-24T18:29:11.717-07:00Befriending our parts<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; line-height: 17.1200008392334px;"><span style="font-size: small;"> In my work with clients I often use a therapy approach called </span><span style="background-color: white; color: purple; font-size: 12pt;"><b>Internal Family Systems</b> (IFS) </span><span style="font-size: small;">developed by Dr. Richard Schwartz. This approach postulates that human psyche consists of different parts organized around </span><span style="color: purple; font-size: large;"><b>Self</b></span><span style="font-size: small;">. Each part has its own function in the system. Some parts organize and plan our lives. Other parts respond to emergencies, yet other parts deal with difficult emotions and painful experiences. All of the parts also have a goal of protecting Self from ever being hurt. Self is a center and essence of our psyche. It is our life force, our connection to the Universe. In ideal situation, Self leads our psyche by making important decisions in consultation with our parts (you can read more about IFS here: </span><a href="http://www.selfleadership.org/about-internal-family-systems.html" style="font-size: 12pt;">http://www.selfleadership.org/about-internal-family-systems.html</a><span style="font-size: small;"> ). However, ideal is not real.</span></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 17.1200008392334px;"> For folks, who are trauma survivors, </span><b style="color: purple; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: x-large; line-height: 17.1200008392334px;">Self</b><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 17.1200008392334px;"> is often hidden deep inside and one (or several parts in turn) are in charge of behavior, decisions, relational styles, in other words, life. </span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 17.1200008392334px;"> </span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 17.1200008392334px;">You might be wondering why this is a problem? When a person gets stuck in one of their parts, they are cut off the resources and experiences contained in other parts and what is even more problematic, they are disconnected from Self, their life force. In these situations one may experience themselves as disconnected, numb, or on contrary completely flooded by certain feeling, such as anxiety or depression. Another example would be shifting back and force between being on top of things, very strict with yourself, busy with multiple responsibilities, not having time for fun and people for weeks or months (managerial part is in charge of life) and then shifting into depressed, almost frozen state, dropping all the responsibilities and staying in bed for days (firefighter part) or shifting from busy mode into being physically sick with multiple pains, fatigue, inflammation, or just infection or cold (firefighter part). When two parts get into opposition with each other, like the one described above, it is called polarization. It is like being on the seesaw, when one part of you cancels activity or decisions made by another part.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 17.1200008392334px;"> Naturally, we get upset with and critical of ourselves for not being able to change our behavior, thoughts, or feelings. This state of frustration makes the patterns even more engrained. The more frustrated we get, the more stubborn our parts that carry out those unwanted behaviors become. So, is there anything we can do to improve our lives and behaviors? <span style="color: purple;"><b>ABSOLUTELY!</b></span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 17.1200008392334px;"> One possible step is scheduling an appointments with an IFS therapist (go here: <a href="http://www.selfleadership.org/find-an-ifs-therapist.html">http://www.selfleadership.org/find-an-ifs-therapist.html</a> to find an IFS-trained therapist in your area). A professional can help you understand your internal landscape and befriend your different parts, so that they start truly working <b>FOR</b> you and <b>NOT</b> against each other.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 17.1200008392334px;"> Another step that can be combined with the first one is to get <span style="color: purple;"><b>CURIOUS</b></span> about your internal parts while working on being <b><span style="color: purple;">COMPASSIONATE</span></b> towards and <span style="color: purple;"><b>UNDERSTANDING</b></span> of them. All of our parts, even most hideous ones, have our best interests in mind and want us to be safe and well. For example, a part that wants to kill you maybe motivated by a desire to soothe your pain and this is the only way it knows of dealing with severe and chronic pain. A part that constantly shames and blames you for every breath or lack thereof may be motivated by a fear of rejection and may want you to be accepted by others. And again, this may be the only method it is familiar with, because this is how your mother (father, teacher, older sister…) treated you growing up. These parts may also be very young. Almost always they are isolated and alone and do not have support they need to carry out their jobs. Therefore by turning your <span style="color: purple;"><b>LOVING ATTENTION</b></span> towards them you are starting to build relationship of understanding and support with your parts. You might be surprised how much transformation can happen just from taking 5-10 minutes a day to listen to your parts from your caring core. You do not have to agree or disagree, to argue, or evaluate. Just listen and let the part know you understand what it is saying and that it has the right to feel the way it does. No more no less. If you are willing to give it a try, please use the practice described below on a daily basis for the next ten days and see what happens.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 17.1200008392334px;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 17.1200008392334px;"> <b> LISTENING TO YOUR INTERNAL PARTS </b><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 17.1200008392334px;">1.<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 17.1200008392334px;">Find a quiet safe place, where you can sit without being disturbed for 10-15 minutes. Bring alarm or stopwatch, a sheet of paper or a journal and a pen with you. Put your alarm to signal the end of your meditation (10-15 minutes out)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 17.1200008392334px;">2.<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 17.1200008392334px;">Find comfortable seated position. Close your eyes and start focusing on your breathing. Just pay attention to how you breathe in and out without any judgment. Now focus on the internal observer, the one, who has been watching your breath. Give that observe qualities of COMPASSION, WISDOM, and CURIOSITY. Breathe those qualities in.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 17.1200008392334px;">3.<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 17.1200008392334px;">From this compassionate and curious place, invite your internal part that would like to get some of your attention to step forward. You may have a visual image of that part or you may experience it as a sensation in your body, thought in your mind, or a feeling or all of the above. No matter how vague or defined the part is, focus your compassionate and curious attention on it. If you experience any negative feelings towards this part, such as anger, anxiety, impatience, frustration, sadness, etc., ask the part that carries the feeling to step aside for a few moments so that you can focus from the core of compassion and curiosity on the part that asked for attention.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 17.1200008392334px;">4.<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 17.1200008392334px;">Let the part that requested your attention know that you are compassionate and curious towards it and see what it would like to share with you. Our parts may share through sensations in our body, visual images, thoughts, or verbal messages (as an internal voice). No matter what mode this part chose, let it know that you hear the message and thank it for sharing. Again, you don’t need to agree or disagree with the part. Just listen and understand.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 17.1200008392334px;">5.<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 17.1200008392334px;">When the part is done sharing and if there is still time left, invite next part to step forward. And then go through the process of listening to this new part from the compassionate and curious place again.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 17.1200008392334px;">6.<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 17.1200008392334px;">When your alarm goes off, thank all of the parts that talked to you for sharing. Send appreciation to each and every part of your internal system and your system as a whole.<br />Now, take 5 minutes or so to record what you heard from different parts of you.</span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; line-height: 17.1200008392334px; text-indent: -0.25in;"> </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 17.1200008392334px;"> </span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 17.1200008392334px;">There is something very liberating in the practice of listening to the parts. For me personally, once I was able to identify that constant critical voice in my mind as a part of me AS OPPOSED to ALL of me, I very quickly learned to take those messages it with a grain of salt. I understood on a very deep level that those criticisms are just a perspective of a rather young wounded part and NOT true undeniable facts. I have seen many people that I work with benefit greatly from listening to their parts on the regular basis. If you decide to give it a try, please, comment on what your experience with it has been like or message me with questions and concerns.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 17.1200008392334px;"> </span></h2>
Dr. Irina Diyankovahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17109426885406394955noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1609705821901239900.post-47862908824429128752014-08-06T21:02:00.003-07:002014-08-06T21:02:48.668-07:00Healing the body<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;"> </span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;">Throughout my work with the survivors of
emotional traumas I have noticed that people, who have survived multiple
traumatic events or whose PTSD was chronic, tended to experience multiple
physical health problems. Some of the survivors experienced chronic pain that
seemed to travel throughout the body</span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;">lodging into different parts at different
times. Others had autoimmune conditions, such as fibromyalgia, Lupus, Multiple
Sclerosis, or chronic fatigue. Yet others had type 2 diabetes or heart diseases.
I have always wondered about the connections between emotional impact of trauma
and physical symptoms.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-CCncZ1ksgYw/U-L5EDDlE1I/AAAAAAAAB84/2ZmQDee0UAk/s1600/2014-08+picture+2.gif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-CCncZ1ksgYw/U-L5EDDlE1I/AAAAAAAAB84/2ZmQDee0UAk/s1600/2014-08+picture+2.gif" height="180" width="320" /></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"> Recent research shed a lot of light into
the impact of psychological trauma on the body. For example, we now know that trauma may lead
to the increase in chronic inflammation response (Gill ey al., 2009), which in
turn may be connected to the dysregulation in the function of
Hypothalamic-Pituitary-Adrenal Axis and excessive amounts of cortisol secreted
by the adrenals for long periods of time, when a person experiences flashbacks
or being triggered in any other way. Some studies suggest that the more traumas
an individual has survived the more his/her physical health will be affected.
In other words, <span style="background: white;">multiple traumas
have a cumulative effect on physical health. Moreover, the impact of trauma on physical
health may be independent of PTSD symptomatology (</span>Sledjeski et al., 2008<span style="background: white;">).<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="background: white; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;"> Connections between specific diseases and
disorders and PTSD have been supported by multiple studies. Thus, McFarlane
(2010) in the review of this topic discussed connections between post-traumatic
stress and chronic fatigue, fibromyalgia, irritable bowel syndrome,
hypertension, obesity, and coronary heart disease. Trief et al. (2006), as well
as other researchers, connected PTSD to the risk of type 2 diabetes.</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"> I can continue going on and cite study
after study, as well as case after case, showing connections between
traumatized psyche and malfunctioning body. But I think I made the case
already. SO, I would like to focus on the treatment implications. Given that
body is deeply affected by prolonged exposure to traumatic stress, we need to
include body in the treatment and healing process. I summarized a number of
different suggestions based on my clinical experience and bits and pieces of
information from the psychotherapy literature and different seminars I have
attended on the topic.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">1.<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="background: fuchsia; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-highlight: fuchsia;">RESTORATION</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><br />
Early in the process of healing it is important to focus on restoring your
body’s immune function, level of energy, and general resilience. This phase may
take long time. There is no magic to it. Here are the things that tend to heal
your body on a very basic level:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: 1.0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level2 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">a.<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><b><span style="color: #cc0066; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">Sleep and rest</span></b><span style="color: #ff0066; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"> </span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">are the most important gifts you can give your body (and your mind too).
Create a habit of giving yourself AT LEAST 8 hours to sleep at night. In the
beginning, you may need more than 8 hours. Some people need 9 or 10 hours every
night as they are letting their bodies heal. If you have sleeping issues,
address them in your work with your therapist and/or your primary care
physician. Your body NEEDS sleep in order to heal. In addition, give yourself
15 to 20 minutes during the day for a nap or just rest. When I was in the phase
of actively healing my body and struggling with a lot of fatigue, I used to
take 20-30 minutes every lunch break and lay down on my yoga mat on the floor
in my office. During this time I dimmed down the lights, put an eye pillow
scented with lavender on my eyes and practiced white light meditation.
Sometimes I fell asleep, at other times, I did not. But I felt refreshed and a
little bit more energized afterwards. Depending on your level of physical
depletion, you may need two or more of such breaks during the day.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">b.<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><b><span style="color: #cc0066; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">Stay hydrated</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">. Drink 8 or more glasses of
purified drinking water a day. Coke, mountain dew, coffee, and juice DO NOT
count. Drink as little of those as possible. If it is difficult for you to
drink plain water, squeeze a piece of lemon or grapefruit into the water glass.
You may also opt for herbal tea with a tiny (1/2 tea spoon) bit of honey, or
make some fruit water or iced green or herbal tea. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-wMWCIhc8E3s/U-L5EIzHwkI/AAAAAAAAB9Q/HauD9sVtVCI/s1600/2014-08+picture+1.gif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-wMWCIhc8E3s/U-L5EIzHwkI/AAAAAAAAB9Q/HauD9sVtVCI/s1600/2014-08+picture+1.gif" height="112" width="200" /></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">c.<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><b><span style="color: #cc0066; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">Nurture your body
with fresh and healthy food.</span></b><span style="color: #cc0066; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"> </span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">Proper
nutrients are essential to healing. </span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; text-indent: -0.25in;">There are many books and articles available
on the topic. In general, eat three meals a day. Include plenty of fresh
vegetables and fruit in your diet. Also, eat foods that are good </span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; text-indent: -0.25in;">sources of
protein, such as organic eggs, organic chicken, tofu, nuts and seeds. Consult a
nutritionist if you have some special concerns or need to modify your diet due
to allergies or specific illnesses.</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: 1.0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level2 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]-->d.<span style="font-size: 7pt;">
</span><!--[endif]--><b><span style="color: #cc0066; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">Supplement.</span></b><span style="color: #cc0066; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"> </span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">Unfortunately, our food sources
lack vitamins and microelements, which often results in the need to supplement
our diet. Consult a holistic health practitioner, such as an oriental medicine
practitioner, an integrative physician, or a chiropractor for help in creating
supplementation program that is right for you. </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-2I5s6GhzNJE/U-L5FieW3nI/AAAAAAAAB9E/2uLA_ETw3q0/s1600/2014-08+picture+5.gif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-2I5s6GhzNJE/U-L5FieW3nI/AAAAAAAAB9E/2uLA_ETw3q0/s1600/2014-08+picture+5.gif" height="111" width="200" /></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">e.<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><b><span style="color: #cc0066; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">Exercise.</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"> Every body NEEDS movement in
order to heal and maintain health. Even if you are completely depleted or badly
physically injured, you can do chair yoga </span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; text-indent: -0.25in;">(</span><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fkl88Nq3BiU" style="text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fkl88Nq3BiU</span></a><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; text-indent: -0.25in;"> ) or restorative yoga (</span><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MZn6ZnT_mI8" style="text-indent: -0.25in;">https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MZn6ZnT_mI8</a><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">
</span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; text-indent: -0.25in;">). If you can, choose
something more active, such as walking, swimming, dancing, lifting weights or
any other form of movement that appeals to you. Try a class, such as yoga, tai
chi, cycling, Zumba, or anything else that appeals to you. Work on
incorporating movement into your life, while accommodating for your current
limitations and being gentle with yourself.</span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">f.<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><b><span style="color: #cc0066; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">Acknowledge and
deal with your limitations.</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"> This is very difficult for many trauma
survivors that I have worked with. Often chronic trauma comes with either
pushing self too hard and creating more physical and psychological damage or
wallowing in disease and hardship and not dealing with limitations properly.
The idea is to honestly acknowledge your limitations and special needs while
finding a way to work with them. For example, if you need a lot of rest in
order to function properly, working as a nurse with 12-24 hour shifts is not
for you, but it does not mean that you have to stay home on disability. You
maybe able to work part-time or volunteer.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">2.<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="background: fuchsia; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-highlight: fuchsia;">SPECIAL CARE</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><br />
In addition to the basic
restoration regimen discussed above, make your body a special focus for a few
months or years. The length of healing depends on how much damage has been
done, more specifically how many traumas you survived, how long-stretched
traumatic events were, and for how long you have been suffering with
PTSD-related symptoms. Most trauma survivors that I encountered needed to do
some additional things to help their bodies heal. Some examples of those are
discussed below.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-mhhi938STMI/U-L5EEjgdBI/AAAAAAAAB88/kDcp_Wq6KDY/s1600/2014-08+picture+3.gif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-mhhi938STMI/U-L5EEjgdBI/AAAAAAAAB88/kDcp_Wq6KDY/s1600/2014-08+picture+3.gif" height="180" width="320" /></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">a.<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><b><span style="color: #cc0066; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">Massage</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">. Find an experienced massage
therapist and try a couple of massage sessions. I </span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; text-indent: -0.25in;">would suggest just general
massage focused on stress relief. If you like it, make massage a part of your
life. Depending on your finances, get massage once a week or once a month, but
do it regularly.</span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">b.<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><b><span style="color: #cc0066; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">Reiki</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"> is a special form of energy therapy.
It involves a trained practitioner channeling healing energy through their
hands into your body. If nothing else, a reiki session is often very restful
and restorative. It can also help alleviate pain, reduce inflammation, and
lower stress. There are multiple anecdotal accounts of reiki helping with all
kinds of chronic health conditions. Again, try a couple of sessions. See how it
feels to you. If it seems helpful, make it a part of your regular life.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">c.<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><b><span style="color: #cc0066; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">Aromatherapy</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"> is an approach that uses natural
essential oils to heal different body problems or concerns. Multiple books have
been written on the topic (for example, see this book </span><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Complete-Book-Essential-Oils-Aromatherapy-ebook/dp/B0090QVWA2/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1407364555&sr=8-2&keywords=aromatherapy"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">http://www.amazon.com/Complete-Book-Essential-Oils-Aromatherapy-ebook/dp/B0090QVWA2/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1407364555&sr=8-2&keywords=aromatherapy</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"> or a quick guide </span><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Aromatherapy-Quickstudy-Health-Inc-BarCharts/dp/1572229551/ref=sr_1_7?ie=UTF8&qid=1407364555&sr=8-7&keywords=aromatherapy"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">http://www.amazon.com/Aromatherapy-Quickstudy-Health-Inc-BarCharts/dp/1572229551/ref=sr_1_7?ie=UTF8&qid=1407364555&sr=8-7&keywords=aromatherapy</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">). Aromatherapy can be used in a
self-help fashion or you can find a trained practitioner to work with you. I
personally like adding 10-15 drops of lavender (for restful sleep and
relaxation) or sweet orange (for mood improvement) or peppermint (for pain
relief and to reduce inflammation) to a bath and soaking in it for 20 minutes.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">d.<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><b><span style="color: #ff0066; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">Mindfulness meditation</span></b><span style="color: #ff0066; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"> </span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">is an approach to training your
mind to focus on the object of your choice, such as breath. You can use a mindfulness
tape, a book, or take a mindfulness class to learn how to meditate. See <a href="http://marc.ucla.edu/body.cfm?id=22">http://marc.ucla.edu/body.cfm?id=22</a><br />
for a number of meditation instructions and tapes. According to multiple
studies, regular meditation practice was connected improvement in multiple
chronic conditions, such as fibromyalgia and other autoimmune conditions,
hypertension, diabetes, heart diseases, and
asthma. It improves immune system function and sleep. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-66aFShsZa9g/U-L5FPzE0QI/AAAAAAAAB9A/-EAWoHCWd24/s1600/2014-08+picture+4.gif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-66aFShsZa9g/U-L5FPzE0QI/AAAAAAAAB9A/-EAWoHCWd24/s1600/2014-08+picture+4.gif" height="180" width="320" /></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">3.<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="background: fuchsia; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-highlight: fuchsia;">PROFESSIONAL MEDICAL HELP<br />
</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"> </span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; text-indent: -0.25in;"> </span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; text-indent: -0.25in;">Having a primary care physician that knows
you and wants to help is a must for a trauma survivor. If your physician is
well-informed on the impact of psychological trauma on physical health, it is
even better. At the minimum it should be a person, who is willing to listen to
and address your concerns. Make sure that you are also current with your
physicals and all age-appropriate tests, such as mammograms and colonoscopies. Follow
your physician’s recommendations for the treatment and management of your
chronic health concerns.</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">
It is very important for you to
understand and remember that as a trauma survivor, your body has special
challenges and needs. There is no shame in it. If your doctor is making you
feel bad for seeing them too often or for not being able to determine what is
contributing to your symptoms, CHANGE your doctor! In this country, there is no
lack of primary care physicians. You have the right to heal and to be supported
in your healing. It is NOT indulgence, it is a necessity.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">4.<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="background: fuchsia; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-highlight: fuchsia;">PSYCHOTHERAPY with BODY IN MIND<br />
</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"> If </span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> you do not have a psychotherapist yet, please,
find one. Dealing with chronic and complex trauma without a good therapist is
an extremely challenging enterprise. When searching for a therapist and
interviewing potential candidates, ask your therapist if they pay attention to
the body in their work with trauma survivors. The idea of including a body in
the therapy process is becoming more and more mainstream. A number of
therapeutic approaches that include body have been developed for the treatment
of trauma, such as Somatosensory psychotherapy, Internal Family Systems, EMDR,
Somatic Experiencing and so forth. Even if your therapist has not been trained
in any of those approaches, it is important that they pay attention to the
bodily sensations during therapy and can help you find healthy ways to regulate
your nervous system functioning.</span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .25in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="color: #cc0066; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">AS A CONCLUSION, your
body needs help in healing just as much as your mind does. Focus on it, pay
attention to it, love it, and it will pay you back with increased energy,
reduced pain, and overall improved health.</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span></div>
Dr. Irina Diyankovahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17109426885406394955noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1609705821901239900.post-56852677954413406352014-04-30T14:25:00.000-07:002014-04-30T14:25:04.572-07:00Impact of trauma on ourselves and our lives<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-0Qv8jt-Fcdg/U2FnXeGCVrI/AAAAAAAABHQ/iAyuzWzk9UE/s1600/04-2014+pictures+.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-0Qv8jt-Fcdg/U2FnXeGCVrI/AAAAAAAABHQ/iAyuzWzk9UE/s1600/04-2014+pictures+.jpg" height="180" width="320" /></a> When something
unimaginable happens, something that should not happen in the context of normal
human life as our culture portrays it, such as our parent or other authority
abuses us, our child commits suicide, we are attacked at the workplace, we witness
a terrorist attack and people dying, we participate in a war, OUR ABILITY TO
FUNCTION GETS OVERWHELMED. In those moments as our minds, bodies, and spirits
are focused on survival and making it through, our ability to take information
in and process is impaired. As a result, we only remember bits and pieces of
what happened and the memories are often not flexible – frozen images of horror
instead of a coherent story. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<o:p></o:p><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
After we
physically make it through and the traumatic event is over, we are left with
those images of horror and our worldview shattered in pieces. We are supposed
to quickly put it together and move on, right? This is what everyone else is
telling us. But can we really do it? Would any human in our place be capable of
doing it? How do you unsee the face of the attacker or the gun to your head or
the agony of someone dying in pain or your parent hitting or raping you or a
motionless body of a friend who killed himself? How do you persuade yourself
that in spite of what happened yesterday or two month or ten years ago, you are
PERFECTLY safe now and it is not going to happen again? How do you go on living
when your spirit feels broken, you don’t believe in God or good in this world
anymore, and you feel deep despair and depression that weighs so much you
cannot move? <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Here is <span style="color: purple;"><b>the first
fact about trauma: IT CHANGES a SURVIVOR on all levels </b></span>of his or her being,
including physical, mental, sprirtual, energetic, and social. A brief, few
minutes-long attack leaves a person shaken to the core, with their adrenals on
overdrive, limbic system of their brain hyperactive, neocortex of the brain
shut down, belief that a world is generally a safe place gone forever, belief
that they are a good person severely damaged, ability to trust others jeopardized,
and belief in Higher Power and Important Purpose feeling like a joke. All of
those are NORMAL reactions to the ABNORMAL SITUATION. Sometimes people believe
that those who are less affected by trauma or not affected at all are stronger
and somehow superior. I STRONGLY DISAGREE with that. It is normal to be deeply
affected by the horror of abuse, mistreatment, and murder. This is what makes
us human! <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Unfortunately,
there is very little understanding of trauma and its impact on a survivor on a
cultural level. So, when a deeply shaken survivor comes back to his/her family,
workplace, community, very soon they start experiencing pressure to BE BACK TO
NORMAL. People around them find it very difficult to understand why what
happened is such a big deal and why they cannot just forget about it. People just don’t want to relate, because in
order to relate, you have to put yourself in the survivors shoes and experience
horror through their eyes and to admit to yourself that you could very well be
in their shoes right now and it is only by the draw of luck that you are NOT.
How terrifying! Who would want to do that?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-ziMvZ-SvChg/U2FmtBa4mvI/AAAAAAAABHI/1CrWG0Ts1iU/s1600/04-2014+pictures+4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-ziMvZ-SvChg/U2FmtBa4mvI/AAAAAAAABHI/1CrWG0Ts1iU/s1600/04-2014+pictures+4.jpg" height="180" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
From the lack of
support and understanding comes the secondary traumatization. It stems from the
inability of those around the person, significant others, authority figures,
justice system, organizations, and whole communities to adequately and
supportively respond to the survivor’s needs. Even worse, at times, a person
him or herself maybe blamed for what happened to them, which isolates them even
further and makes possibility of recovery even more slim. When a mother says to
the daughter that was raped, “it is your fault, you should not have gone to
that date” or a wife says to her husband, “What is wrong with you? Why cannot
you just forget about that damn war and be here with us?”, the survivor’s guilt
and shame increase exponentially and their already impaired ability to trust
others becomes further damaged.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
There is a wide
spread myth about trauma that time will heal that wound. Nothing can be further
away from truth. Here is<span style="color: purple;"> <b>another fact about trauma: TRAUMA DOES NOT HAVE AN
EXPIRATION DATE. </b></span>In fact, if left untreated, it tends to get worse with the
passage of time and accumulation of big and little stresses. It is not unusual
for a person to dust themselves off after the traumatic event and to keep
moving, only to find themselves struggling to function years later or
completely falling apart after some significantly smaller event. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In order to heal
from trauma, which is possible by the way, a survivor has to recognize the
impact it had on his or her life and to give the wounds attention they deserve.
The longer the person waits to address those issues, the more complex the
impact will be and the longer it will take to heal.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-RRu0yZoppTw/U2FpmXgLdfI/AAAAAAAABHc/E8oM5fB4Poo/s1600/04-2014+pictures+3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-RRu0yZoppTw/U2FpmXgLdfI/AAAAAAAABHc/E8oM5fB4Poo/s1600/04-2014+pictures+3.jpg" height="180" width="320" /></a> <i> </i>Here is an exercise that you may find helpful in unpacking the impact of your specific traumas on your life.<i> </i> Journal about the following question on a number of occasions in the next few weeks. Make sure you: (a) do not spend more than 15 minutes on each journaling session; (b) take very good care of yourself before, during, and after the session; (c) stop right away if you are getting overwhelmed; (d) use relaxing/safe place for a few minutes after each session:</div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>What
are your thoughts about the impact trauma(s) had on you? Think about all of the
following aspects: (1) your believes about yourself, other people, and life in general; (2) your moods and emotions;
(3) your body; (4) your relationships with higher power; (5) your relationships
with other people. </i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Please, share your thoughts and comments. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Dr. Irina Diyankovahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17109426885406394955noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1609705821901239900.post-50125990524195704272014-03-02T19:17:00.002-08:002014-03-02T19:17:39.942-08:00It takes a village ... to heal a person<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"> </span></div>
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<br />
I have been reflecting lately on how
lonely we often feel on our healing journeys. When we have made a commitment to
the path of recovery, we need to work hard.
Often we deal not only with the continued symptoms and pains of both
past and present but also with the lack of understanding the folks, who
surround us. How often did you hear things like “I don’t get it”, or “You just
need to move on”, or “You should be over it by now”? When we have to work on
ourselves and justify this work to others, healing becomes an insurmountable
task. We really need support, validation, and understanding from the other
human beings in order to heal from past traumas, especially those that have
been inflicted on us by people. So, is it then a hopeless enterprise to seek
support? Not necessarily. Here is what I understand about this whole issue.<o:p></o:p><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"> We often emerge from a trauma with our
trust in human beings and humanity shattered to pieces. We have been hurt by
others to such a profound extent that it is very difficult to believe into a
possibility of care and support. So, we are very quick to either push others
away or let them rescue us. Neither one of those scenarios is conducive to
healing. So, in order to be open to healthy support, we need to first learn how
to <span style="color: blue;"><b>TAKE RESPONSIBILITY</b></span> for our own issues. When we can truly say that our pain
belongs to us and us only even though it is unfair and we didn’t ask for it,
only then we can seek out and attract the right kinds of people into our lives.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"> Next, we sometimes find ourselves
surrounded by those who do not understand us. Maybe our family and friends have
never experienced trauma in their lives, or lack empathy, or maybe they
participated in inflicting our traumas on us. If this is the case, <span style="color: blue;"><b>STOP trying
to change them and STOP seeking support </b></span>regarding your healing from them.
Instead work on developing and maintaining boundaries that are good for you.
For example, stop talking to them about your pain and symptoms if all you hear
back is “what is wrong with you” and “why can’t you get over it?” If they try
to bring up this issue, explain to them that this topic is off the table for
right now or forever. Inform them that if they truly want to help, they need to
stop interfering with your healing process and focus on their own issues. It
may sound as too rough of an approach, but you will be better off if you stop
the spread of toxic attention and interaction. Some of the folks around us, no
matter how well-meaning or willing, just are not capable of providing us with
the right kind of support. So, why waste yours and theirs time and energy? No
need to blame yourself or those around you. You just need something that
another person does not have. Would you go to a bakery if you need your car
repaired? With this being said, you don’t need to kick another person out of
your life. See if you can find common points and interests and just focus on
those.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"> After you let go off your desire to change
another person, you can take the next step, which is <span style="color: blue;"><b>SEARCHING for the
supportive environments,</b></span> communities, and people. Reflect on your needs and desires. Maybe you
have wanted to dance in the past? Maybe you found painting to be a relaxing and
calming activity? Maybe you always loved spending time in nature? Research
those things in your area. Find a class, join a club. Get to know people, who
have interests similar to yours. You don’t have to tell others about all of
your traumas and issues, to feel their support. Dancing with someone or sharing
a love of art with them maybe very healing and supportive.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-CUSdV1ybWjY/UxPy9qKtVZI/AAAAAAAAArY/XJhYtCazqhM/s1600/It+takes+a+village+pic+2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-CUSdV1ybWjY/UxPy9qKtVZI/AAAAAAAAArY/XJhYtCazqhM/s1600/It+takes+a+village+pic+2.jpg" height="112" width="200" /></a><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"> On a deeper level, seek out other trauma
survivors. Look for those people, who are ready and willing to work on healing
themselves. Research online communities, local support groups, and local mental
health resources. Consider joining a therapy group. You might be in individual
therapy already, which is great and very important. However, do not
underestimate the power of a group. When trauma survivors get together with a
trauma-informed therapist, who can guide them, a lot of positive healing energy
is generated. It becomes a little therapeutic community that is larger than
oneself and that one can rely on for help in getting better. In a therapy group
you can often learn more about trauma and its impact on mind-body-spirit, ways
to cope with trauma-related symptoms, different approaches to treatment and so
forth. You can also process some of your pain in the supportive and
understanding environment. You can also help others accomplish all of those
things.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"> In my practice I will be starting new
Healing trauma therapy group in March-April 2014. This group will focus on
helping people who continue to be affected in their present by any traumas in
their past. Trauma will be defined broadly as any out of normal range life
experiences that left a person feeling afraid for their life or safety, for the
life or safety of someone close to them or betrayed by someone important. For more details, please, see: <a href="http://www.dr-irina.com/GroupTherapy.en.html">http://www.dr-irina.com/GroupTherapy.en.html</a> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"> According to the Nigerian proverb, it takes a village to raise
a child. I believe it takes a village to heal a trauma survivor. Fortunately,
we have a lot of choices in who to
associate with and what environments to live and work in. Given that our
environments shape us and our behavior, it makes a lot of sense to spend time
and energy seeking out those that support us and our goals. Enjoy building and
strengthening your village. Share your thoughts and experiences </span><span style="font-family: Wingdings; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-char-type: symbol; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;">J</span><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
Dr. Irina Diyankovahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17109426885406394955noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1609705821901239900.post-55173928601138266902014-01-16T14:35:00.000-08:002014-01-16T14:35:12.760-08:00GROUNDING in the present moment<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
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</div>
<br />
Right now is a great time of the year to talk about
grounding. Some of us are still riding the high of the New Year Resolutions
hoping that finally we will be able to catch our dream by the tail. Others are
already in the state of hopelessness, feeling defeated and incapable of
changing their lives for the best. Both sides need some reality check. Using
grounding skills is one of the best ways I know of to provide reality check for
yourself and come to the truth of the present moment. <br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: purple;"><b>Grounding</b></span> is a
group of skills that are very helpful to human beings coping with stressful
situations, as well as many trauma survivors. They can be used to deal with
flashbacks, anxiety, dissociation, and any intense overwhelming feelings. As
the name of this group suggests, grounding skills help a person utilizing them
connect with the physicality of the present moment. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
For someone, who survived traumas in the past,
it is often a difficult thing to do, as the traumatic memories and experiences
intrude on the present moment. Trauma survivors often feel, think, and act as
if trauma is not over and continuing to happen in the now. It is very
understandable given the overwhelming nature of the past experiences. Using
grounding skills can help leave the trauma in the past and focus on the
present, first for a moment, but with consistent and frequent use for a
lifetime. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
For those, who have not experienced many traumatic things in the
past, grounding may be a helpful tool, when dealing with ongoing stressors and
difficulties. Believe it or not most of the time our anxiety and fear are about
the future that may or may not happen. When we can truly find ourselves in here
and now, we can notice that we are OK in the moment, and this is often enough
to change the state from highly stressed, edgy, irritable to more calm and
relaxed.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Below a variety
of different practices is described. You can pick the ones that seem beneficial
to you or test all of them. Each practice can be used on its own or in
combination with the other ones in this group.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
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<h3>
<span style="font-size: 7pt;"> <span style="color: purple;"> </span></span><span style="color: purple;">1. Using your body to ground</span></h3>
1.1. focus on your breathing for a few
moments; notice how you breathe air in and how you breathe it out, notice the
temperature of the air entering your nostrils, notice how your chest and
stomach are rising and falling with every breath, notice the rhythm of your
breathing; after a few moments of doing it, check in with yourself again to see
how you are feeling.<br />
1.2. Another option is to use your feet.
Put both of your feet on the ground. Notice how firm is the ground and how well
it supports your feet, notice which parts of your feet are in direct contact
with the ground. <br />
1.3. Also, you can use slow and steady movement to ground yourself. For
example, start walking slowly in your current space. You can even walk in one
spot. Pay attention to the dynamic contact between your foot and the ground.
Breathe deeply. If you have more space or time available, do a few yoga
stretches. For example, do a downward facing dog pose and walk your feet in
this pose.<o:p></o:p><br />
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<h3>
<span style="font-size: 7pt;"> <span style="color: purple;"> </span></span><span style="color: purple;">2. Using a physical object to ground <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-kV1xFJf9gA4/UthZzaeU4pI/AAAAAAAAAfg/oCkg_wAgwWM/s1600/pebbles.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-kV1xFJf9gA4/UthZzaeU4pI/AAAAAAAAAfg/oCkg_wAgwWM/s1600/pebbles.jpg" height="200" width="200" /></a></div>
</span></h3>
Pick a river pebble or a small stuffed animal or a pendant or a piece of cloth.
Any small object that is pleasant to touch and can be carried around easily
will do. When you start feeling anxious, overwhelmed, or disconnected, grab the
object and focus on exploring it. What does it smell like now? What is it like to
touch it now? What color is it now? What texture does it have now? If you can
find a place where you are alone, you can describe the object and answer these
and other questions out loud. If not, do it silently in your mind. This
practice can be done anywhere anytime without anyone around you knowing what
you are doing.<span style="font-size: 7pt; text-indent: -0.25in;"> </span><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
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<h3>
<span style="color: purple;"> 3. Using your environment to ground (AKA 5-4-3-2-1)</span></h3>
One of my clients shared this technique with me a couple of years ago. Since
then I used it with multiple people, who found it helpful and easy to perform.
Here is an easy way to remember it:<br />
<b><i><span style="color: #7030a0;">Five things to see, four objects to touch, three sounds
to hear, two things to smell, and one positive affirmation to repeat.</span></i></b><br />
When anxiety or a flashback hits, look around you and find five different things that are of a certain same
color (e.g., green). For example, as I
am looking around my room right now, I see a green bottle, a green mug, a bag
that has green in it, green picture frame, and green palm tree on the picture.
Next, find four different surfaces or
objects you can touch (e.g., top of the table, your own hand, your pants, a pen
or a notebook, etc.) As you touch each object, use one or two words to describe
the feel or the texture of it. Next, listen to the sounds around you and
identify three different ones. As I am writing this post, I can hear clicking
of the keys on my keyboard, running water in the kitchen, and a wooshy sound
outside. Next, find two different things to smell. Anything that smells
relatively pleasant to you will do the trick. Some examples maybe hand lotion,
soap, a cup of coffee, perfume, a flower. Finally, use a positive affirmation.
Say it out loud or silently. Repeat several times. The last two steps can be
used as the stand-alone grounding techniques. See below for more details.<o:p></o:p><br />
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<h3>
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-rMnL4moXQ8E/UthZywr4_OI/AAAAAAAAAfc/umKICjfYITE/s1600/daisies.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-rMnL4moXQ8E/UthZywr4_OI/AAAAAAAAAfc/umKICjfYITE/s1600/daisies.jpg" height="133" width="200" /></a><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: purple;"><span style="font-size: 7pt;"> </span>4. Using your sense of smell to ground </span></span></h3>
Aromas and smells are the only type
of the sensory information that <br />bypasses cerebral cortex; olfactory nerves
through the olfactory bulb send information directly to the amygdala (a part of
our emotional brain) and therefore smells have much quicker effects on our mood
and mental state than sights or sounds. I
advise my clients, who tend to get easily anxious<br />or overwhelmed, to always carry with them something that has a
pleasant smell. Good candidates are essential oils, such as lavender or
peppermint or sweet orange. These oils can be bought in a health food store or
online. Put several drops of your favorite oil on a piece of cloth or carry the
whole bottle with you and put a drop on your wrist, when needed. <i><span style="color: #3b3838; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #3B3838; mso-style-textfill-fill-colortransforms: lumm=25000; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: background2; mso-themecolor: background2; mso-themeshade: 64;">Please, note that essential oils are very potent and need to be
handled with care. You only need a drop or two for the grounding technique.</span></i><br />
When you get anxious, smell the oil
on the cloth or your wrist. Really, focus on the smell. What is it like? How
does it make you feel? This is a very quick “pick me up” technique that maybe
effectively used in critical circumstances.<o:p></o:p><br />
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<h3>
<span style="font-size: 7pt;"> </span><span style="color: purple;">5. Using affirmations to ground</span></h3>
I suggest combining this particular skill with any one of the above. Create
your own phrase that helps you connect to the present moment or use from the
list below. Once you have a phrase, repeat it out loud or in your mind many
times.<br />
- “I am OK here now”<br />
- “Present moment is all I have”<br />
- “All is well in my world”<br />
- “I am safe here and now”<br />
- “I am present”<br />
- “Everything is well now”<br />
-“I am in tune with the flow of life”<br />
-“I am centered and grounded”<br />
- “I am connected to myself and the present moment”<br /><o:p></o:p><br />
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<o:p></o:p></div>
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-9s6Kw5h2rvw/UthZy7uIwaI/AAAAAAAAAfY/9ntU8u0Hb0M/s1600/feet+on+the+beach.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-9s6Kw5h2rvw/UthZy7uIwaI/AAAAAAAAAfY/9ntU8u0Hb0M/s1600/feet+on+the+beach.jpg" height="320" width="212" /></a></div>
I often use grounding techniques in my regular life. Whether
I am stuck at the airport, have too much on my plate, dealing with physical
pain, or with a new situation, I put two feet on the ground, keep my spine
straight, raise my head high, breathe in deeply and tell myself: “I am OK here
now”. Sometimes after that I walk in place or take a very brief walk. Every time I am surprised how such a small trivial thing as putting my feet on the ground, breathing in, and telling myself I am ok brings me back from the painful past or scary future to a pretty tolerable here and now. I then remind myself to focus on one step at a time or one day at a time or one breath at a time, whatever the situation warrants. I am hoping that you can find a grounding practice that works for you and integrate it into your daily life.<br />
<span style="color: purple;"><b>Happy grounding :)</b></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
As always, I am interested in your feedback. Have you
tried any of the aforementioned techniques? How did it work? Do you have any
other grounding techniques that you would like to share? <o:p></o:p></div>
Dr. Irina Diyankovahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17109426885406394955noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1609705821901239900.post-80746322555940360402013-12-23T15:48:00.000-08:002013-12-23T15:48:18.758-08:00Surviving holidays with dysfunctional family - 101<br />
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</div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;">
This post is my gift to those, who tend to
suffer through the holidays. If you are from a lucky bunch, who enjoys very
much spending time with their immediate and extended families during the
holiday season, I wish you the most festive celebrations and you can stop
reading now. However, if you are a one, who was born into or adopted by a
dysfunctional family, keep reading. You may have a laugh or possibly find a
useful point or two below.<o:p></o:p></div>
<br />
<h2>
<br /></h2>
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-eZyzNfLrBhM/UrjJ2-dY3fI/AAAAAAAAAec/SZDPJg0yXtQ/s1600/Surviving+family+1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-eZyzNfLrBhM/UrjJ2-dY3fI/AAAAAAAAAec/SZDPJg0yXtQ/s1600/Surviving+family+1.jpg" height="186" width="320" /></a><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Holiday time, especially Christmas time,
is a season, when dysfunctional families blossom. They prepare for that time throughout
the whole year with passion and enjoy every moment of it with the grimaces of
suffering on the family members’ faces. Don’t ask me why. I am not a psychic.
Just sharing my observations. So, if you would like to join in with your
dysfunctional family and have fun being ridiculed, guilted, put down, and made
feel like you are the worst human being that ever walked the face of earth, it
is OK. It is a conscious choice, and I do not have any judgment there. You can
stop reading now and go do your normal routine. If, however, you are tired of
suffering and spending months putting yourself back together after holiday fun
with your family, I have some suggestions that I summarized below in the form
of steps.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b><span style="color: #7030a0;">Step 1. Adjust
your goals and expectations.<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Somehow many of us have a goal to enjoy holiday
time with our families. Crazy, huh? Even though we have never been able to
reach this goal in the past, we keep pursuing it and hoping that this year
things will turn out differently. Others
come to their homeland with the goal of finally showing them, making them
understand, apologize, change, etc. When our goal is not being met, we tend to
criticize and blame ourselves for that. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Well, maybe it’s a time to consider a
different goal? For example, getting through the visit with the family in one
piece with minimal emotional wounding with the follow up goal of spending just
two weeks instead of four months healing from the experience. What do you think? Framework is everything <span style="font-family: Wingdings; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-char-type: symbol; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;">J</span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b><span style="color: #7030a0;">Step 2. Give yourself compassion<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
After all, you did not choose what kind of
family you were born into, adopted by, or married into. You cannot control other people’s choices or
decisions. You are not responsible for the mess they create. But… you are
affected by all that shit. It is extremely painful to hear for one hundredth
time that unlike you, your brother has impeccable taste in women or is capable
of providing for his aging parents. It is difficult to not feel responsible or
guilty for your father’s asthma or drug abuse that he acquired working hard to
provide for you. So, give yourself a hug and pour some unconditional love on
yourself. You are lovable and worthy no matter what your family members say,
think, or do. Here is the tape by Kristin Neff that you can download on your
favorite digital device and listen to over and over again on your trip, before
you go to bed, first thing after waking up in the morning, when you step
outside for a breath and so forth: <a href="http://www.self-compassion.org/LKM.self-compassion.MP3" target="_blank">http://www.self-compassion.org/LKM.self-compassion.MP3</a>. After many repetitions it may brainwash you
into believing that you are OK in spite of your mother’s or father’s insistence
to the contrary.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b><span style="color: #7030a0;">Step 3. Predict
<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
From the previous years of experience with
your family, you can predict a lot of what is going to happen. You may foresee
that your uncle Henry will get drunk and start inappropriately touching you or
make sexual advances towards your girlfriend or wife. You can be pretty
confident that your grandma will ask you in front of the rest of the family,
why you still have not lost any weight or are not married or don’t have kids or
lost your job again. You may even anticipate that your mother will bluntly or
subtly let you know that you are not good enough son or daughter, because you
don’t visit enough, forgot her cat’s birthday, or obviously didn’t care about
her health enough to visit her during the hospital stay you didn’t know
anything about or because Shelly’s girl bought her a trip to Europe for
Christmas and Pete’s boy got another promotion and is now the CEO of the World’s
bank. As long as you step into the time with your family with your eyes open
and your memory intact, you can take step 4.<b><span style="color: #7030a0;"> <o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b><span style="color: #7030a0;">Step 4. Plan
and Modify your responses to the predictable assaults<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<o:p></o:p></div>
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-iRrYDWHQ3-I/UrjJ26onopI/AAAAAAAAAeo/yg5cfUXPOso/s1600/Surviving+family+2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-iRrYDWHQ3-I/UrjJ26onopI/AAAAAAAAAeo/yg5cfUXPOso/s1600/Surviving+family+2.jpg" height="254" width="320" /></a></div>
Your past responses might have been to
suffer through it all in silence or defiance or fight the injustice or
something else. If you are reading this, it most likely means that whatever you
did in the past has stopped working. So, may be it is a time to try something
new? With the help from many of my clients and other people I have created a
list of different types of responses. It is not an exhaustive list, feel free
to create your own options. Just pick/create one or two new strategies to try
this season. Write it down on a note card and carry with you as a reminder.<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b><span style="color: #548235; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-effects-shadow-align: topleft; mso-effects-shadow-alpha: 100.0%; mso-effects-shadow-angledirection: 2700000; mso-effects-shadow-anglekx: 0; mso-effects-shadow-angleky: 0; mso-effects-shadow-color: #8FAADC; mso-effects-shadow-colortransforms: "lumm=60000 lumo=40000"; mso-effects-shadow-dpidistance: 3.0pt; mso-effects-shadow-dpiradius: 1.0pt; mso-effects-shadow-pctsx: 100.0%; mso-effects-shadow-pctsy: 100.0%; mso-effects-shadow-themecolor: accent5; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #548235; mso-style-textfill-fill-colortransforms: lumm=75000; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent6; mso-style-textoutline-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textoutline-fill-color: white; mso-style-textoutline-fill-themecolor: background1; mso-style-textoutline-outlinestyle-align: center; mso-style-textoutline-outlinestyle-compound: simple; mso-style-textoutline-outlinestyle-dash: solid; mso-style-textoutline-outlinestyle-dpiwidth: .75pt; mso-style-textoutline-outlinestyle-join: round; mso-style-textoutline-outlinestyle-linecap: flat; mso-style-textoutline-outlinestyle-pctmiterlimit: 0%; mso-style-textoutline-type: solid; mso-themecolor: accent6; mso-themeshade: 191;">Different kinds of responses to predictable
family assaults</span></b>.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b>Preventing assaults from happening<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l2 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;">
</span></span><!--[endif]-->Shorten your visit<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l2 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;">
</span></span><!--[endif]-->Structure the time you spend with the family by
playing board games, watching movies, going on hikes, etc.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l2 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;">
</span></span><!--[endif]-->Associate with people, who are supportive of
you, and avoid those, who are hurtful<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l2 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;">
</span></span><!--[endif]-->Be prepared to leave earlier than planned if
things start escalating<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b>Responding to the violation of physical
boundaries, AKA unwanted touching<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;">
</span></span><!--[endif]-->Prevent it from happening by maintaining
physical distance between you and a family member, who tends to be inappropriate
or unwelcome with touching<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;">
</span></span><!--[endif]-->“You might not know this yet, but I have a personal
bubble (use your hand to delineate it) and it is not OK for you to go inside it”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;">
</span></span><!--[endif]-->“I am not in a touchy feely mood”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;">
</span></span><!--[endif]-->“Stop it. I don’t like being touched”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;">
</span></span><!--[endif]-->Gently take a person’s hand or other part of the
body that is used to violate your space and place or move it back on/towards
their body<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;">
</span></span><!--[endif]-->Walk away<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;">
</span></span><!--[endif]-->Say very loudly: “I am sure you meant to touch
my shoulder not my breast/ butt/ crotch/thigh. It happens”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;">
</span></span><!--[endif]-->“I am sure your wife/girlfriend/partner would
love a touch like that. But I am your niece/daughter/son/sister, etc.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b>Responding to the unwanted questions,
jokes, comments AKA emotional fucking<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;">
</span></span><!--[endif]-->INTERRUPT: “I am sorry. I need to go to the
bathroom”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;">
</span></span><!--[endif]-->DISTRACT: “Oh my God, your earrings/necklace/outfit/hair
are stunning”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;">
</span></span><!--[endif]-->DISARM: “I agree. I’m a total fuck-up. After all,
the apple doesn’t fall far away from the tree”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;">
</span></span><!--[endif]-->STOP: “No comments”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;">
</span></span><!--[endif]-->USE HUMOR: Make a joke<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;">
</span></span><!--[endif]-->IGNORE: pretend you didn’t hear comment or
question<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b><span style="color: #7030a0;">Step 6. Plan
for crisis<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Depending on how dysfunctional your family
is and how volatile and hurtful things have been in the past, you may want to
have a safety/escape plan ready before you even leave your house. Make sure
that you can exit the gathering place at any moment, give yourself permission
to leave, have plan B ready with clear ideas of how to leave, where to go, and
how to take care of yourself before you can get back home.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Be on the lookout for the red flags that
signal to you it is time to leave. For example, if you know that every time
your uncle gets drunk, the physical fight between him and one or two other
family members is coming, then leave when he is on the way to getting drunk and
before he is already drunk.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b><span style="color: #7030a0;">Step 7. Take
good care of yourself<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Focusing on yourself during a gathering of
a dysfunctional family, is not selfish. It is responsible. What do you need to
survive this stressful time with minimal harm to yourself? Answer this question
and commit to doing those needed things. I know for myself that during
stressful meetings, I need my full 8 hours or more of sleep, meditation, and at
least a brief yoga practice. I commit to doing those things for myself. In the
past, when I was capable of fitting all three things into my daily routine, I
found that jerks I was surrounded by, somehow were more pleasant and easier to
deal with. <span style="font-family: Wingdings; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-char-type: symbol; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;">J</span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b><span style="color: #7030a0;">Step 8. Focus
on healing when you are back home<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-LvmnG7-_A_A/UrjJ25ySXMI/AAAAAAAAAek/tu23C4CckRk/s1600/Surviving+family+3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-LvmnG7-_A_A/UrjJ25ySXMI/AAAAAAAAAek/tu23C4CckRk/s1600/Surviving+family+3.jpg" height="196" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b><span style="color: #7030a0;"><br /></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .25in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo3; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;">
</span></span> After you make it back home in one piece,
no matter how distraught you are<b>,
congratulate yourself</b>. You survived another family holiday gathering, you
tried something different, and it is a big accomplishment no matter what the
result is. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .25in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo3; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><b>Do
something soothing</b> but not destructive. Here are some ideas: wrap yourself
in a warm blanket and read your favorite book, have a cup of your favorite tea,
take a nap, go for a walk, take a bath with aroma oils, or work out.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .25in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo3; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><b>Process
and debrief. </b>Talk to a supportive friend or family member about the
gathering, write a funny story about it, make a piece of art, or just journal. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .25in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo3; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><b>Take it
easy for a few days</b>. Be gentle with yourself. Recognize that stressful and
difficult events need to be followed by restful and restorative ones.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Please,
remember that even though you are not responsible for other family members’
choices and cannot control their actions, you are in full control of yourself.
You have the right to protect yourself from being hurt. You have the
responsibility to heal yourself after being hurt. If all members of your family
did just that, you would not have a dysfunctional family to begin with <span style="font-family: Wingdings; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-char-type: symbol; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;">J</span> <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Have some compassion for your
dysfunctional family members. After all, if it was not for you and other
targets, they will have to focus on themselves and deal with their own issues.
And you know how scary, hard, and plain painful that is. How can you expect
someone you love to go through such a torture? <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
I hope that this article made you smile at
times and gave you some ideas to try. I trust that you were able to distinguish
jokes and sarcasm from serious points and suggestions. <span style="font-family: Wingdings; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-char-type: symbol; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;">J</span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
HAPPY
HOLIDAYS TO YOU AND YOUR FAMILY! <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: purple;"><b>With much love
and compassion,<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: purple;"><b>Irina</b></span><o:p></o:p></div>
<h2>
<o:p> </o:p></h2>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
Dr. Irina Diyankovahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17109426885406394955noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1609705821901239900.post-3524032916142996062013-10-23T10:01:00.002-07:002013-10-23T15:45:48.797-07:00Dealing with negative self perception<div class="MsoNormal">
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</v:shape><![endif]--><!--[if !vml]--><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-sRTyPkiSNJY/Umf9DqfLFGI/AAAAAAAAAc8/mkZ_IpvEPeE/s1600/Dealing+with+negative+self+image+1.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-sRTyPkiSNJY/Umf9DqfLFGI/AAAAAAAAAc8/mkZ_IpvEPeE/s1600/Dealing+with+negative+self+image+1.png" /></a> Disliking oneself is a very common
consequence of the traumatic experiences. This often does not make sense to
either trauma survivors or those who live with them. What happened was not
their fault, why so much self-hatred? Let’s think about it together. Any
violence towards a person carries within it a very powerful message. When
violence is directed at me, it says to me “You are worthless and therefore
deserving of this kind of treatment” The more intense and/or prolonged violence
is, the more energy this message carries.
It often penetrates all kinds of self-defenses and touches the depth of
our being. After violence is over, we start repeating this message to ourselves
until we completely believe in it. What makes this situation very challenging
is the fact that both transmission of the message and its repetition happen on an
unconscious level, in the back of our minds.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Good news is that
since self-dislike is a learned response, it can be unlearned and a different
positive response may be acquired. If you would like to learn to treat yourself
better and have a more positive perspective on yourself, try one or more of the
following practices.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="line-height: 107%; margin-bottom: 8.0pt; margin-left: .25in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]-->1.<span style="font-size: 7pt; line-height: normal;">
</span><span style="background: purple; color: white; mso-highlight: purple; mso-themecolor: background1;">Positive affirmations</span><span style="color: white; mso-themecolor: background1;"><br />
</span>Those are the brief and precise sentences that describe how you would
like to see yourself in a more positive way. The trick is that they are formulated
in a present tense. For example, “<b><span style="color: #7030a0; font-family: "Aparajita","sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;">I am wonderful just the way I am</span></b>” or “<b><span style="color: #7030a0; font-family: "Aparajita","sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;">I love and accept
myself</span></b>” or “<b><span style="color: #7030a0; font-family: "Aparajita","sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;">I am worthy</span></b>” or “<b><span style="color: #7030a0; font-family: "Aparajita","sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;">I deserve to be taken care of</span></b>” and so forth. Develop three to four sentences. Write them on the notecards, sticky notes, your mirror, your phone. Repeat them as often as
possible throughout the day.<br />
At first, you probably would not believe any of those words. It may feel
strange, awkward, even fake to say those things to yourself. But the more
consistent you are in using those positive affirmations the more you will
eventually believe in them.</div>
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-hA3XMaW8gfc/Umf9apUm2bI/AAAAAAAAAdE/ebTyOje6RiU/s1600/dealing+with+negative+self+image+2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-hA3XMaW8gfc/Umf9apUm2bI/AAAAAAAAAdE/ebTyOje6RiU/s1600/dealing+with+negative+self+image+2.jpg" height="149" width="200" /></a>2.<span style="font-size: 7pt; line-height: normal;">
</span><!--[endif]--><span style="background: purple; color: white; mso-highlight: purple; mso-themecolor: background1;">Loving Kindness Meditation with self- focus</span><span style="color: white; mso-themecolor: background1;"><br />
</span>This is a beautiful practice of wishing yourself well and sending to
yourself all the healing and support there exists. There are a lot of different
versions of it. Multiple tapes are available for you to listen to. I wrote
about it in the January 2013 post. Here is an excerpt from it <span style="font-family: Wingdings; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-char-type: symbol; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;">K</span><br />
1) Choose several phrases that you will be working with (repeating) that start
with “May I” and focus on wishing yourself well. Usually, meditation consists
of 3-4 phrases repeated over and over
again. If you find it difficult to come up with those phrases, here are some suggestions:<br />
<span style="color: #7030a0;"><b>- </b><i><b>May
I be well</b></i></span><br />
<div>
<b style="line-height: 107%; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="color: #7030a0;"><i>- May I love myself no matter what</i></span></b></div>
<div>
<b style="line-height: 107%; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="color: #7030a0;"><i>- May I accept myself just the way I am</i></span></b></div>
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<b style="line-height: 107%; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="color: #7030a0;"><i>- May I be content</i></span></b><br />
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<i>
2) </i>After you identified and wrote down the phrases you are going to use, find
a quiet place, where you will not be disturbed by anyone or anything. Sit in a
comfortable position, such as with your legs crossed on a cushion or in the
chair or on the sofa. Close your eyes and focus on your breathing for a few
moments. Notice how you breathe air in and how you breathe it out. Then
visualize yourself surrounded by white or yellow light. Feel the warmth of
light on your skin. Enjoy the sensations. Now start saying the phrases that you
identified out loud or silently in your mind. Pause after each sentence and
connect to the wish it contains. Maintain awareness of your breathing and
picture of yourself surrounded by white light. Spend 3-5 minutes repeating the
phrases. Repeat this practice daily.<br />
<i><u>Note </u></i>that for the first couple
of months wishing yourself love and acceptance may feel false or wrong. Some
parts of you may think that you don’t deserve all of those things. It’s OK. You
don’t have to believe in what you are saying to get positive results.
Additionally, the more often you practice this meditation the more you will feel
and believe in your worthiness.<o:p></o:p></div>
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</span><!--[endif]--><span style="background: purple; color: white; mso-highlight: purple; mso-themecolor: background1;">Treating self well</span><span style="color: white; mso-themecolor: background1;"><br />
</span> When you take good care of
yourself and treat yourself well, you re-wire your mind to believe that you are
a good person worthy of love. Even if you don’t feel like it, create a routine
of basic care and follow it consistently. For example, every morning when you
wake up, take a shower, brush your teeth, put on fresh clothes, and make a
breakfast for yourself. Every evening put on fresh pajamas, light candles, and
take a few minutes to read something inspiring before you go to bed. This is
just an illustration. Listen to yourself and create a routine that feels good
for you.<br />
Take any opportunity to be good to
yourself. When you make a mistake and catch yourself in a severe blaming or
shaming talk, interrupt it and say something reassuring instead, such as “everyone
makes mistakes” or “I can learn from it” or “if God wanted me to be perfect, he
would have made me that way”. When you
feel down, bad, lazy, crazy, say something supportive and uplifting, offer self
a cup of hot tea or a hug. Treat yourself the way you would treat your dearest
friend.<br />
Remember that learning to treat
yourself well is a work in progress. It may be challenging. You may feel like
you are failing at it. You may forget and relapse. It is all OK. All of those
things are a part of the learning process. You can always try again and you can
build on the previous mistakes. That is a beauty of life. Every moment is a new
and fresh start <span style="font-family: Wingdings; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-char-type: symbol; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;">J</span><o:p></o:p></div>
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</span><!--[endif]--><span style="background: purple; color: white; mso-highlight: purple; mso-themecolor: background1;">Abstaining from self-harm</span><span style="color: white; mso-themecolor: background1;"><br />
</span> Directly related to a
previous point, is the idea that self-harm promotes negative self-image and
further deepens the belief that you are not good enough. Therefore, to improve
your self-perception, it is important to abstain from it. I understand that
inflicting pain on self, whether it is cutting, burning, hitting, pinching or
something else, is often a way to cope. It helps to suppress more severe
emotional pain or on contrary makes you feel something when you are in the
state of traumatic numbness. Sometimes it is the quickest way to change a
state. Sometimes it is a way to express how much you hate yourself. This behavior is very understandable in those who survived violence, and yet it has
to be changed in order for you to start feeling better. Here are a few ideas on
how to deal with the urges to self-harm. However, if it is an ongoing issue for
you, I recommend that you find a therapist and start working with him/her.<br />
1) when an urge to harm self presents itself, ask yourself a question “who am I
angry at other than myself?” Then express your anger towards that person or
situation in a non-hurtful way, such as journaling <br />
2) if you cannot identify source of your anger outside of yourself or it feels
dangerous, use softer/substitute methods of inflicting pain, such as holding
ice-cubes in your hands or immersing your face in ice water for a few seconds;
sometimes drawing lines with the red marker at the site where you want to cut
or burn, helps to alleviate an urge;
<i> </i><br />
3) call a trusted friend or a crisis number, such as 1-800-273-TALK to discuss
how you are feeling;<br />
4) get out of the current situation: step outside for a few breaths of fresh
air, go to the park or to the coffee shop, distract yourself with something
positive, such as uplifting book or a movie.<o:p></o:p></div>
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about it, creating a
piece of art, going for a run, or screaming/singing in a shower;<br />
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Give yourself time to process the idea
that you can change how you feel about yourself. Give yourself time and space
to practice the aforementioned techniques. Be patient like you would with a
baby, who is just learning how to walk. Remember you will not smack the baby or
call it worthless, when it falls down. So, extend the same kind of kindness to
yourself. After all, you are just learning or re-discovering how to be good to
yourself.<o:p></o:p><br />
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<b><span style="color: #7030a0;"> Some of you may doubt that loving yourself
is a goal worthy of pursuit. Isn’t it selfish? Haven’t we all be taught that we
need to focus on others before we focus on ourselves? These questions and
doubts are very understandable. Here is the way I came to view it based on my
years of experience of working with people. Belief that self-love is selfish
and therefore bad is a cultural myth. Unfortunately, this myth is wide-spread
and has perpetuated a lot of violence and suffering. When a person genuinely
loves themselves, they are a joy to be around. They spread positive energy and
infect others with love and compassion. They do not have any desire or motive
to harm anyone. They value human life. If everyone in this world loved
themselves, there would be no war, no hunger, no violence. In my opinion, coming
to accept yourself is the best gift you can give this world </span></b><b><span style="color: #7030a0; font-family: Wingdings; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-char-type: symbol; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;">J</span><span style="color: #7030a0;"><o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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Dr. Irina Diyankovahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17109426885406394955noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1609705821901239900.post-62584998489333140912013-08-14T18:39:00.000-07:002013-08-14T18:39:54.204-07:00Dealing with the messiness of life Throughout the
years I noticed that many trauma survivors, including myself, have desire to
avoid <span style="color: #4c1130;"><b>messiness of life</b></span><span style="color: #783f04;"> </span>at all costs. We lock ourselves in the safety of our
houses, relationships, jobs, routines, etc. We dread any change. We want to
have full control of our lives, which is very understandable given how
out-of-control traumatic experience felt. However, as protective and desirable
as it is, this state of avoidance is also unrealistic. We do not have full
control of our lives and our circumstances. There are too many forces and
factors that play on the stages of our lives. The only control we truly have is
of how we respond to what happens.<br /><div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Practicing yoga
on the beach helped me <span style="color: #4c1130;"><b>learn about messiness </b></span>and control in my life. I have
always thought about practicing yoga on the beach as a fun and pleasant
activity. I have been craving it for a while. Finally, two weeks ago I arrived
at the beach on Hilton Head Island with my yoga towel and a bottle of water and
an intent to fully immerse myself in the yoga class offered there. It was 8:30
a.m. in the morning on a sunny day with a fresh breeze coming from the ocean.
The sound of waves crushing against each other was very soothing. I placed my
towel next to another yogi’s towel and stood at the top of it as instructed by
the teacher. As we started engaging in Sun Salutations and other standing
poses, I realized that my towel does not hold my weight very well. The sand
under it got very bumpy. Moreover, sand got on the towel, on my hands, arms,
legs, and feet. It was rubbing against my skin. Wind was blowing sand into my
face. My eyes were stinging with sweat pouring from my forehead. People walking
on the beach were stopping and staring at our small group, some even took
pictures. Seagulls were screaming. Kids were running around sprinkling water
all around. “What a mess!” I thought to myself. Suddenly I felt uncomfortable,
unpleasant, and disappointed. “This is NOT what yoga on the beach is supposed
to be like!” <o:p></o:p></div>
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Then I realized
that there is NOT “supposed to be” for any experience, including yoga on the
beach. It is what it is.<span style="color: #4c1130;"><b> I have a choice</b></span> of accepting this experience as it is
or fighting it. I decided to slow my mind down and focus on my breathing. Soon
I noticed that in addition to all the aforementioned discomforts, I also
experienced pleasure from moving and stretching my body, from the breeze
caressing my sandy arms and legs, and from being able to identify and intensely
listen to the sound of waves. “It’s just like any other part of life,” I heard
a voice in my head. “In order to feel joy and pleasure, you need to immerse
yourself into an experience fully and be willing to take discomfort that comes
with it as well”. <o:p></o:p></div>
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When the class
hit its midpoint, <span style="color: #4c1130;"><b>my experience was quite different</b></span>. I actually stopped minding
sweaty sandy mess that covered my body. My focus shifted towards movement,
breath, and ocean waves. I felt as One with all of that. I still noticed all
the other stuff, like people walking and staring, seagulls screaming and so
forth, but all of them became background for my sense of connection with my
body and nature.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Later on, when I reflected on my
experience in the class, I thought of<span style="color: #4c1130;"><b> messiness as an integral part of living</b></span>.
Nothing good is ever created without a mess, be it a baby being born or a meal
being cooked or a piece of art being created or a tomato being grown. I found the
quote by Charles Caleb Colton that I really resonated with: “Life isn't like a book. Life
isn't logical or sensible or orderly. Life is a mess most of the time”. <o:p></o:p></div>
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So, why are we so mess-phobic? Why are we
trying to keep mess and disorder out of our lives? Somehow we came to equate
mess with danger and evil. We get overwhelmed. We think we will not be able to
cope if we get ourselves in a mess. We don’t have skills or resources. So,
there are <span style="color: #4c1130;"><b>different ways to go about the issue</b></span>. One would be to avoid mess
altogether and accept the consequences of avoiding life and joy and learning
and growth. Another way is to learn skills and obtain necessary resources to
deal with the mess, so that we can experience our lives fully. The choice is
ours. And, we can choose every moment and every day <span style="font-family: Wingdings;">J</span><o:p></o:p></div>
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Dr. Irina Diyankovahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17109426885406394955noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1609705821901239900.post-5461349338979407182013-07-24T19:49:00.000-07:002013-07-24T19:49:57.286-07:00Monsters on a healing journey<span style="font-size: large;">The following video explains how trauma happens, how it effects our lives, and how we cope and then heal from it. It is told in a form of story involving pictures of monsters and stick people. I believe it helps understand what trauma does to us on a more emotional level. Please, watch and comment.<br /><br /><a href="http://youtu.be/YDyU63XyOQM" target="_blank">"Monsters in our lives" video</a></span><br />
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<br />Dr. Irina Diyankovahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17109426885406394955noreply@blogger.com0