This last part of the self-care series is devoted to taking care of spiritual needs. Some folks may feel that it is not relevant to them and roll their eyes or skip this post altogether. However, all human beings are SPIRITUAL beings independent of their faith and religious affiliation or lack of it. We all share similar spiritual needs just like we share physical needs in sleep and food. We find different ways of attending to our spiritual needs. At times we neglect them, because we are unaware or we don’t have time or it is too painful to tend to our spirit. This post will discuss our common spiritual needs and suggest some ways to meet them. It will also offer some direction for finding your own ways and practices to meet your spiritual needs.
There are many different definitions of spirituality and spiritual needs. For the purposes of this article, I compiled my own definition based on multiple sources. Spirituality is the individual’s search for connection with the Sacred, where sacred can be understood as something larger than oneself, different from the ordinary, not material, and worthy of veneration. For some people Sacred is equated with God, for others it is Universe or Nature or World or Community.
According to Dr. Galek and her colleagues’ research published in 2005, there are seven major spiritual needs: (1) love, belonging, and respect; (2) connection with the Divine; (3) positivity, gratitude, hope, peace; (4) meaning and purpose; (5) morality and ethics; (6) appreciation of beauty; (7) resolution of death. It is important for us to be aware of what we struggle with and what we need in each of those areas.
One of the most common and obvious ways to meet spiritual needs is by attending a church. There are so many choices of churches in the United States today, and people of almost any religious tradition can find a place to go. Spending time with other believers, reflecting on religious teachings, praying, and participating in discussions help to meet many of those aforementioned needs. However, attending the church is NOT the only way to take care of your spirit. Some people find that their spiritual believes don’t fit in any particular tradition or that their believes change and evolve in a different way. Others find that attending the church meets only some of their needs and not others.
If you feel like church is not for you or it is not enough, you can choose to develop your own spiritual self-care program. Here are some common practices that can help you feel spiritually well, when performed regularly.
1. Prayer: talking to God. When you do this on the regular basis in any way that you find acceptable for you, you feel more connected with the Divine spiritual nature of human life. You may also feel loved by God, grateful for what you have, hopeful about the future, and more aware of your life’s meaning.
There are so many different kinds and types of prayer and so many religious traditions that it is difficult to give an example without excluding or offending someone. Here is one prayer that many people struggling with addictions have found helpful over the years. It was originally written by the 20th century American theologian Reinhold Niebuhr and later adapted by the Alcoholics Anonymous: God, give me grace to accept with serenity the things that cannot be changed,
Courage to change the things which should be changed,
and the Wisdom to distinguish the one from the other. This prayer can be addressed to the Universe, the World, the Wind, Sacred Feminine, Universal Power or anything else that resonates with you.
There are so many different kinds and types of prayer and so many religious traditions that it is difficult to give an example without excluding or offending someone. Here is one prayer that many people struggling with addictions have found helpful over the years. It was originally written by the 20th century American theologian Reinhold Niebuhr and later adapted by the Alcoholics Anonymous: God, give me grace to accept with serenity the things that cannot be changed,
Courage to change the things which should be changed,
and the Wisdom to distinguish the one from the other. This prayer can be addressed to the Universe, the World, the Wind, Sacred Feminine, Universal Power or anything else that resonates with you.
2. Meditation: quiet contemplation and reflection with the goal of training the mind to be a witness. There are many different techniques and approaches to meditation. Many past accounts and stories from such traditions as Buddhism and Yoga described very positive effects of regular meditation on mind, body, and spirit. In the past twenty years research has been catching up and showing multiple positive effects of meditation practice on a meditator’s emotional and physical health. This practice can help you meet a number of your spiritual needs, including but not limited to feeling connected with the Divine, feeling more positive, grateful, hopeful, being more aware of your motivations and the nature of choices you make.
If you would like to read more about meditation or to learn some meditation techniques, visit http://www.project-meditation.org/. For free guided meditations go to http://marc.ucla.edu/body.cfm?id=22 or to http://www.audiodharma.org/series/1/talk/1835/
Here is a simple instruction for an insight meditation. Choose a place where you will not be disturbed, sit in a comfortable position, such as cross-legged on the cushion or in the chair with both feet on the floor. Decide for how long you are going to be meditating. To start with I suggest 5 or 10 min. As you get more comfortable with the practice, you can gradually increase time to 30-45 min. Set an alarm clock or a timer so that you don’t have to worry about the time. Then focus on your breath noticing how you breathe air in and how you breathe it out. Just pay attention to the process of breathing without any judgment or criticism. When you get distracted by a thought, sound, a feeling or something else, just acknowledge the distraction and bring your focus back to your breath. Mind always gets distracted, it is normal. So, you may have to bring yourself back to the focus on your breath multiple times during the 5 minute meditation.
A helpful hint for the aforementioned meditation technique: find a part of your body that is affected by your breathing the most, such as area around your nostrils, your chest, or your stomach and focus on this area as you breath. It gives your mind something very concrete to focus on as opposed to the general idea of breath. Some people find it helpful to say in their minds something like “Inhale” every time they breathe in and “Exhale” every time they breathe out.
If you would like to read more about meditation or to learn some meditation techniques, visit http://www.project-meditation.org/. For free guided meditations go to http://marc.ucla.edu/body.cfm?id=22 or to http://www.audiodharma.org/series/1/talk/1835/
Here is a simple instruction for an insight meditation. Choose a place where you will not be disturbed, sit in a comfortable position, such as cross-legged on the cushion or in the chair with both feet on the floor. Decide for how long you are going to be meditating. To start with I suggest 5 or 10 min. As you get more comfortable with the practice, you can gradually increase time to 30-45 min. Set an alarm clock or a timer so that you don’t have to worry about the time. Then focus on your breath noticing how you breathe air in and how you breathe it out. Just pay attention to the process of breathing without any judgment or criticism. When you get distracted by a thought, sound, a feeling or something else, just acknowledge the distraction and bring your focus back to your breath. Mind always gets distracted, it is normal. So, you may have to bring yourself back to the focus on your breath multiple times during the 5 minute meditation.
A helpful hint for the aforementioned meditation technique: find a part of your body that is affected by your breathing the most, such as area around your nostrils, your chest, or your stomach and focus on this area as you breath. It gives your mind something very concrete to focus on as opposed to the general idea of breath. Some people find it helpful to say in their minds something like “Inhale” every time they breathe in and “Exhale” every time they breathe out.
3. Gratitude Journal. This practice consists of taking time every day to reflect on what you are grateful for in your life that day and then write it down. These may be big things like having a loving family or a beautiful house or little things, such as a smile of a stranger or a cup of warm tea. This practice, when performed regularly, may help you shift perspective from a glass half empty to a glass half full attitude and develop an appreciation for grace and beauty that all of us encounter every day.
4. Loving Kindness or Metta Practice: helps you develop, deepen, maintain and exercise kindness to yourself and others. To do it, sit down and focus on repeating several phrases over and over again. First applying them to yourself, then a loved one, a neutral person, an enemy, and finally all people. Here are the examples of the phrases that can be used for this practice: May I (he, she, they, the name of the person) be well
May I be happy
May I be free of suffering
As you repeat the phrases, visualize the person they are addressed to. Sometimes it helps to put one or both of your hands on your heart area and imagine that your heart is generating light and warmth.
May I be happy
May I be free of suffering
As you repeat the phrases, visualize the person they are addressed to. Sometimes it helps to put one or both of your hands on your heart area and imagine that your heart is generating light and warmth.
5. Spiritual reading and reflection. Choose a book by a spiritual leader/author, who inspires you. For me personally, books by Pema Chodron and Thich Nhat Hanh are always helpful, connecting and calming. If you are not sure, what book you would like to read, ask your family, friends, and mentors for recommendations. The following webpages contain the lists of “the best” or most popular spiritual books:
http://www.abebooks.com/docs/ReligiousSpiritual/spiritual-books.shtml
http://www.spiritualityandpractice.com/books/features.php?id=21956
http://www.amazon.com/Best-Spiritual-Authors-Books-List/lm/RC93KEJHT46C
Alternatively, you can always choose the sacred text of your tradition, such as the Bible or the Qur’an or the Torah.
Choose a quiet place and read 1-2 pages of the book your chose. Reflect on the writings and/or journal about them. Do it on a daily basis.
This practice can help you feel more connected to the Divine, other spiritual beings, hope and meaning. It can also help develop and maintain “bigger picture” perspective on life.
http://www.abebooks.com/docs/ReligiousSpiritual/spiritual-books.shtml
http://www.spiritualityandpractice.com/books/features.php?id=21956
http://www.amazon.com/Best-Spiritual-Authors-Books-List/lm/RC93KEJHT46C
Alternatively, you can always choose the sacred text of your tradition, such as the Bible or the Qur’an or the Torah.
Choose a quiet place and read 1-2 pages of the book your chose. Reflect on the writings and/or journal about them. Do it on a daily basis.
This practice can help you feel more connected to the Divine, other spiritual beings, hope and meaning. It can also help develop and maintain “bigger picture” perspective on life.
6. Being in nature. Spend some time outside on a regular basis, whether it means going for a walk in the park, fishing, gardening, or just seating and watching the natural surroundings. Pay attention to all of your senses. What do you see, smell, hear?
This practice can be very connecting and help you develop deep understanding of you as a part of the whole. It can also help get in touch with gratitude, joy, and hope.
This practice can be very connecting and help you develop deep understanding of you as a part of the whole. It can also help get in touch with gratitude, joy, and hope.
If you did not find anything that resonates with you in the list of practices that I described above, explore a list of 37 spiritual practices at http://www.spiritualityandpractice.com/practices/. So, choose one practice and focus on performing it regularly, preferably on a daily basis. Of course, if the practice you chose, does not feel helpful or seems harmful, stop doing it. Choose a different practice or consult with your therapist, spiritual counselor, or another healer.
Often people recovering from trauma have many difficult spiritual and religious questions that they are either afraid of approaching or have difficulty finding an answer to. Why did this happen to me? Where was God? My perpetrator was never punished, where is justice? People are saying I need to forgive, why should I? Those and others are very important questions. It may help to seek some spiritual counseling and advice from the religious/ spiritual leaders in your community that feel trustworthy to you. It may also help to talk to a mental health professional about those struggles.
Spiritual healing is as important as physical and emotional healing. Without acknowledging and addressing our spiritual wounds, we cannot properly heal. However, it is important to remember that focusing on spiritual aspects of healing, does not mean pushing yourself to go, where you are not ready to go. For example, trauma survivors often feel pressure from others to forgive their perpetrators, especially if it is a family member. They work on it. They either make themselves forgive before they are ready or find that they cannot no matter how hard they try. As a result, this kind of forgiveness either covers up and further buries non-expressed anger and hurt or leaves survivors feeling inadequate, because they cannot forgive. Both of those outcomes slow down or interfere with emotional healing. Therefore, be gentle with yourself. Healing is a process and timing is everything. It is perfectly OK to be where you are at right now. It is perfectly OK to take your time to heal and do it at your own, not someone else’s, pace.
There are a lot of resources available to spiritual seekers today. I listed some of them in the article. I would like to mention a couple more resources here:
· www.spiritualityandpractice.com – website that supports people in their own spiritual journeys with multiple resources, such as descriptions of different practices, bibliographies and filmographies, e-classes, newsletter, etc.
· http://www.contemplativemind.org/practices/tree - this website is about contemplative practices; the page that I refer you to has a very nice classification of these practices with descriptions.
In the past three posts we talked about different ways to take care of yourself. Now is the time to put it all in practice and create a comprehensive mind-body-soul self-care program. Sounds pretty serious, doesn’t it? It does not have to be dead serious and solemn. I invite you to play and experiment with different practices. It can become a process of learning and self-exploration. As you work on developing or modifying your self-care program there are a couple of things I would love for you to keep in mind:
1. No matter what you believe in the moment, you deserve to be taken care of! Can you repeat to yourself as often as possible something like “I am worthy of care”? The more you repeat it, the more you start believing it. The more you believe it, the more you will act like it.
2. Be compassionate towards yourself. Compassion creates environment conducive to healing. I believe that any wounded being can heal over time surrounded by kindness and compassion. Who can do it for you better than yourself? You are with you 24/7. If there is just one practice that I consider to be fundamental for survivor’s healing, it is Metta or Loving-Kindness. Do it for yourself on a daily basis, let it become your mantra, and you will start seeing positive changes very soon.
I am always interested in your comments and questions. Please, post, and I will try to respond ASAP J
