I was convinced that self-care is a good
thing for a long time now, but it took me forever to figure out how exactly to
do that. I have noticed on my personal and my clients’ examples that new
believers tend to overdo things. I used to criticize myself if I did not
practice yoga, one of my identified self-care methods, for several days. I also
used to have pretty high expectations of how many different self-care things
and how often I am going to perform. Of course, in this situation I was
practicing self-care on the surface while continuing to emotionally “abuse”
myself underneath.
In the next three posts I am going to
share with you some ideas and tips on developing a life style that will support
you taking care of yourself. It is not just about specific practices and how
often you perform them, it is also about continuing to work on developing
belief that YOU ARE WORTHY OF CARING FOR.
In PART I of these series I will focus on some general self-care
guidelines and on taking care of physical self. In PART II major theme will be
taking care of the mind. PART III will cover caring for the spirit and general
conclusions.
The first point I would like to make here
is the difference between our needs and our wants. A need is something that is
necessary for a person to maintain or restore their health, balance, or
wholesome nature. A want is something that a person’s ego desires because it
feels good or pleasurable in this very moment. For example, when I want a piece
of cake or to veggie out in front of TV, it is not necessarily what I need. I
may need to have a piece of fruit and to meditate with my legs up the wall
instead. But differentiating between what I need and what I want is NOT an easy
task.
From the long history of different human
cultures and modern research we know a lot about human physical body and its
needs. To be physically well we need to drink, eat, move, sleep and rest, and
stay clean. Now, we also have a lot of individual differences among us in
respect to how much we need to rest, eat, move, and so forth. Unfortunately, in
the modern civilized cultures we moved so far away from nature and being in
touch with ourselves that we learned to rely on science to tell us how to take
care of our physical bodies as opposed to OUR OWN BODIES. So, the first task of
self-care program is to get back in touch with your body, its needs and its
rhythms. Get curious, start listening to your body and exploring its needs.
How
much rest do you need to function well? Most Americans don’t get enough.
Functioning on caffeine and adrenaline, we have no idea how tired or rested we
are. Most likely your rest needs change depending on your level of stress,
business, time of the year and so forth. When it comes to rest and sleep,
ancient medicine and modern science alike describe its importance and multiple
benefits. Many of my clients, who came in complaining on anxiety and
depression, were surprised to find out that their symptoms went away, when they
established good sleep and rest habits. In general, regular sleep schedule with
7-9 hours of uninterrupted rest at night is a golden standard.
What does your body need to eat? How
often? How much? There are all kinds of nutritional ideas, theories, and advice
out there. New promising diet comes out every month. It is overwhelming! How do
you know what is right for you? Again, your best advisor is your body. Listen
to its response after you had a meal. It will tell you. For example, when I eat
something that my body does not appreciate, I get tired and lethargic 30 min –
2 hours after the meal. I also may get one or several of the following: bloating, discomfort in my stomach, headache,
irritability, depressed mood, fatigue next morning, and so forth. When I eat
something that is good for my body, I feel energetic until my next meal, my
stomach is comfortable, mood is stable, and outlook on life generally positive.
Through several years of experimenting and listening to my body, I have found
that low sugar and no gluten diet with lots of vegetables and fruit and a
little meat works the best for me. Of course, it does not mean that the same
will work for you. Good news here is that you need ONLY YOU to figure out your
diet.
A lot has been said lately by researchers
and physicians alike about importance of movement. Physical exercise is claimed
to be the best way to prevent most physical and mental health issues, as well
as a good treatment for some of them (e.g., diabetes or depression). In spite
of all the research and education, Americans continue to be one of the most
sedentary nations in the world. We do NOT need to move in order to survive. If
we want to eat, we drive to a restaurant or to a grocery store or even better
order in. If we want to go to a movie, we turn TV or computer on and watch one.
Many of us do not even need to go to work anymore, because we can work in the
convenience of our own houses from our own computers. We are lucky that we have
access to all those luxuries, right? Wrong! We get what we want but not what we
need! Human bodies were created with the idea of movement in mind. When we
move, we stay healthy and we live long high quality lives. When we become
sedentary, we lose our health and quality of our lives suffers.
So, if you are on a path to self-care,
your task is to create as many opportunities to move your body on a daily basis
as possible. Now, movement does not have to be going to the GYM and using
treadmill. It means taking your dog for a walk as opposed to letting it out. It
means parking in the distant spot and walking to your office, store, restaurant
and so forth. It means getting up during commercials and stretching or dancing.
It means going on a hike or bike ride on the weekend instead of going out for
dinner and then ice-cream. Even those little changes can go a long way. The
idea is to slowly or quickly develop LOVE of movement, so that moving your body
becomes FUN and NECESSITY, so that you feel that something is lacking when you
lay on a couch for an evening. There is a lot of space for creativity and
exploration here. Some people learn that they like dancing, others are crazy
about rock climbing, while others discover the joys of gardening. The content
and type of movement does not matter.
As a conclusion for this part, I would
like to share a simple practice that may help you over time develop an ability
to listen to your body, mind, and spirit more closely. It is a five minute
sitting meditation. To start take a comfortable seated position with your back straight
and chest open. Feel grounded through your sitting bone, put both feet on the
ground or cross your legs, with your feet under your knees. Put an alarm on for
5 minutes from now. Then close your eyes and focus on your breathing, just
noticing how you breathe air in and how you breathe it out. Paying attention
without any judgment or criticism. Your focus maybe helped by finding a
specific area of your body that is changing with breath to focus on, such as
your belly or chest or area around your nostrils.
After a couple of minutes of focusing on
your breathing, ask yourself “How am I feeling right now in my body?”. Listen
for internal responses without any judgment. Whatever sensations are there,
they are OK, even if it is pain or discomfort. Then ask yourself a question “What
does my body need to continue feeling well (or to feel better)?” Again, listen
for responses without any judgment. After your alarm goes off, write down your
observations. Do this practice for a week, then look over your notes. What can
you learn from them? Is there anything you would like to change in how you are
treating your body?
Most important though is to remind yourself as often as possible that YOU ARE WORTHY OF CARING FOR! As you start believing it, you will start acting like it. The more you act like it, the more you believe it. :)
As always,
please, share your comments and questions. More specifically, what constructive
and creative ways have you found re: caring for your body?
