Parts that don’t want to change

     We all have parts in our psyche that DO NOT WANT to change, that seem to be set on sabotaging every constructive move we make, and on criticizing every tiny misstep on our way to the goal. These parts can behave as real villains and cause us to feel angry, disappointed, discouraged, ashamed, and hopeless. Sometimes it may seem that 'evil parts' just enjoy stirring up internal wars and conflicts. I would like to give a few examples of the kinds of parts I am talking about.

     Lina, a 35 year-old successful lawyer, loving mother, and devoted wife, came to see me, because she felt very down and depressed. She did not understand why she felt so sad and fatigued, because her life was very good. When we started exploring different parts that were active in Lina’s life, we identified a very critical part that was beating Lina up 24/7 and a very young vulnerable part that was extremely wounded by all those criticisms, and as a result felt very sad and ashamed. Critical part kept telling Lina that she is no good and would never be able to get out of the black hole, therefore preventing her from doing things she knew would be helpful, such as exercise or meditation or talking to others about her feelings.

     Some other examples include parts that push people to abuse drugs and alcohol, parts that starve folks or push them to overeat, parts that tell individuals to kill themselves or kill someone else. All these parts seem to resist and undermine any positive action towards healing. No wonder that we often feel frustrated and angry at those parts. It is understandable that we want to kick them out of our systems. However, the more we fight those parts internally, the meaner and more powerful they get. Are we doomed then to be miserable forever? Not at all!

      Internal Family Systems approach suggests that all parts of our psyche, even “the most evil ones”, have positive intentions and are trying to help us in some way. Their behaviors maybe counterproductive, because they act on the basis of past information or out of fear, they may be stuck in the past, or they may be so young that it is difficult for them to make mature choices.

     Once we understand that the parts have our best interests in mind, we can find our way to their hearts and solicit their cooperation. The technology of working with those parts that I describe below may seem weird or even crazy in the beginning. Do not be quick to judge though. Give it some consideration. Try it out and see what happens. Here are the steps:

1.      Identify a “villain” part
It helps to notice what you experience in your body, when a problematic behavior/response occurs. Breathe into those bodily sensations and see what images, memories, thoughts, believes, or feelings arise. Those are different characteristics of the part. Ask the part how it would like to be referred to. If the part does not know, give it some tentative label, preferably not negative.

2.      Stop treating part as a criminal
Now that you know that the interfering part has positive intentions towards you (just trust this one assertion of the Internal Family Systems approach), look at it from this angle. Tell it that you know it is trying to help.

3.      Befriend the part
Find something about the part that you like. May be your critical part sometimes gives you helpful advice or may be it got you out of mess in the past or may be you can see that it really cares. Once you find something likeable about the part, tell it. Appreciate it as much and as often as you can and preferably WITHOUT any agenda.

4.      Get to know the part
Find a place of non-judgmental curiosity within you. From that place, ask the part what is its job in your system, what is it afraid of, what is it trying to protect you from, how old is it. Be patient. Give part space, time, and attention. As your part communicates to you in words, images, feelings, or body sensations, LISTEN WITHOUT JUDGMENT. Tell it that you hear what it is saying to you. WORK HARD if needed to really understand where the part is coming from. Communicate your understanding to the part.


5.      Find compassion for the part
As you go through the steps outlined above, you may notice that your reactions to the part, as well as your perception of it, transform. You may find compassion, empathy, tenderness, connection, love and other affectionate feelings towards it. If this is the case, express those freely. Let the part bask in the light of your love. HOWEVER, if your feelings towards the part have not changed, ask other parts to step back and give you space to be with the part. Once every other part steps back, you will notice compassion and openness towards the part in focus.

6.      Ask the part what it needs from you
No matter what the part tells you, validate its needs. Even if those seem like unreasonable demands, even if there is nothing you can do to meet them, tell the part that you hear and respect what it needs. Talk to the part about your desire to meet the need and any constraints you might have. If you can meet the part’s need, by all means do.

     Repeat  steps 3 through 6 as often as possible, preferably on the daily basis, for a few weeks. Notice how this transforms your relationship with the “evil” part. Once you have a consistent connection with the part, you may learn that the part is willing to cooperate with you. Negotiate with the part, explore the room for wiggle and growth. Appreciate any concessions the part is willing to make, no matter how minimal.

     In the process of getting to know your problematic part, you may find that it is protecting some vulnerable wounded side of you. If this is the case, the protected part will need to be helped. HOWEVER, the steps of helping the traumatized part should be taken with the help of the professional. Find an IFS therapist in your community and work with them on alleviating pain of the young traumatized parts. Here is the link to the national directory of IFS therapists: http://www.selfleadership.org/find-an-ifs-therapist.html

     To illustrate the aforementioned steps we will look at two different parts of two different individuals. Remember Lina I talked about in the beginning of this post? Once we identified Lina’s critical part, we worked on befriending her. In the process we learned that it was a 10-year-old part that took on protective role, because Lina was repeatedly and consistently hurt by both of her parents. They criticized her every imperfection and every tiny misstep, and often beat her “to teach a lesson”. So, the Critical part took on a job of protecting Lina from parental criticisms and beatings by whipping her internally in shape. The part reasoned that if Lina was more perfect, she would not be in trouble anymore. Lina was able to understand where the part was coming from and change her perception of the part. With time, she even developed fondness for the Critic. She kindly and patiently coached the part on the ways to provide constructive and helpful feedback. The part was a very good learner, and she transformed her ways of treating Lina very quickly. The true liberation though came after we helped younger sad and ashamed part of Lina that Critic was protecting.

     Another example is from my own life. I have a part that is addicted to sugar. She constantly pushes me to eat desserts. In the past, left unchecked my Sugarholic part fed me cakes and pastries for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. What is even worse, is that I did not want to eat any whole real food, when I was so hooked on sugar. I worked very hard to abstain from sweets through willpower, through shaming and blaming this part, and trying to push it out of my system. Any temporary success has always been followed by triumphant sugar binges. My sugar consumption was getting more and more out of control. Finally, in January 2014, I stopped fighting my Sugarholic part. I welcomed it into my system as an equal partner, who has the same right to be in me as any of my favorite intelligent and compassionate parts. I spent hours listening to this part and appreciating it. I understood that Sugarholic part had very valid reasons for behaving the way it did. This part protected sad lonely girl, who felt unloved and misunderstood. Once Sugarholic came to trust me, she let me connect with the sad girl in me directly. I have been able to show the girl my love and my compassion. The girl has been healing slowly but surely. Now, when I experience sugar craving, I stop and talk to both Sugarholic and Sad Girl. I give them love and compassion, and they relax and make it possible for me to abstain from sweets.


    Working with my own and other people’s parts, I learned that there are no bad and evil monsters in human psyche. If welcomed and loved, any misguided and wounded part would eventually transform and become a helpful prosocial member of the Internal community. Happy connecting with your internal “demons”! Please, ask questions and comment. This is not an easy process. Any and all experiences are welcome.

    

Survival versus Healing Modes in recovery from trauma

     After the traumatic event is over our struggle to survive just started. Now we have to do something about the memories, the images, and the feelings. Our psyche often suggests that there is only one option, which is to keep moving. We have a fear that if we stop, we will fall apart and cease to function all together. So, we employ our body, especially our nervous system,  and our mind  to focus on staying busy and engaged in our present life. Sounds like a great idea, right? However, we cannot really be fully present with our life until we process what happened and heal from it. We are caught between the rock and the hard place. BUT WE ARE SURVIVORS! So, we keep pushing memories, feelings, and later symptoms down and aside. We keep moving and striving. We work hard just to stay afloat.

     This set up may work for us for a while, but after a few months or a few years our minds and our

bodies get exhausted from working non-stop on keeping the horror out of our consciousness. We start getting fatigued, depressed, physically sick, anxious. At this point, dorsal branch of the parasympathetic nervous system gets activated. As a result, we may go into the chronic “freeze” state, which is often accompanied by dissociation and avoidance. Alternatively, we might employ some stronger tactics at that point, like alcohol and drugs or compulsive sex to help us handle our internal mess. All of those tactics might be good in the moment, but they only bring a temporary relief and are accompanied by serious consequences to our health, our relationships, and our lives as a whole. We keep hoping that if we wait long enough, our wounds will get healed by time. However, trauma does not have an expiration date. So, waiting alone is not going to help.

     Sooner or later we face the dilemma. We can’t keep going anymore, because we are exhausted and falling apart, but we are really afraid of letting go, because we are confident we will lose it forever. This is a point of reaching the limits of the survival mode, which has been helpful and is familiar to us. We need to let go of it and shift into the healing mode, but it is unknown and scary as hell. I will help us understand what healing mode is, how we can shift into it, and some of the drawbacks associated with switching into the healing mode.

    At the point when we are forced to turn survival mode off or when our bodies or minds already did it for us, we have a choice to make. Our choice is between falling into the abyss of depression, PTSD, another emotional disorder, getting sick physically OR shifting into the healing mode. We often feel like we DON’T have a choice. We just fall into the abyss. BUT WE DO. We can start working on shifting into the HEALING MODE at any point in the process. It can happen before we reach the limits of the SURVIVAL mode, right at that point, or even afterwards. It is NEVER too LATE J

     Here is how I understand the HEALING MODE.  We heal, when we give ourselves space and time to connect with our Divine core, which is connected with Universe, Higher Power, or God, or

some other Higher Source as you understand it. When we are in the HEALING MODE, we feel calm, connected, loved and loving, supported, expansive, and trusting. Our creativity and our senses are enhanced. Time often stops or slows down in our perception. Healing mode is also associated with the increased activity of the ventral branch of parasympathetic nervous system (as opposed to the dorsal branch, which is responsible for the freeze response in trauma) and decreased activity of sympathetic nervous system.

     According to Peter Levine, the author of Waking the Tiger, animals shift into the healing mode automatically and quickly after objective danger goes away. They do it through the process of discharge, when they shake and vocalize. For humans the shift is not automatic and often does not happen at all. But it does not mean that it could not happen. We can facilitate this process by integrating certain practices in our lives.

SHIFTING INTO THE HEALING MODE

     From the physiological perspective, we need to activate the ventral branch of the parasympathetic nervous system. At this point, science has a lot of data about the ways to trigger this response. 

     1.       Safety
First, this response is easier to trigger, when environment is assessed to be safe. So, two important things to do in the beginning of the process are as follows:

a.       Find an objectively safe place to be (i.e., your bedroom, a secluded natural spot, or any other physical place that is OBJECTIVELY safe).

b.      Once you are in a physically safe place, work on creating a SENSE of being safe by using safe place imagery, praying, meditating, or employing any other safety practice you are aware of.

2.       2. Physical practices

a.       Stretching muscles as in hatha yoga practices triggers ventral parasympathetic nervous system and relaxation response. Note please, that some yoga classes MAY

NOT be appropriate here (e.g., ashtanga yoga, brikham yoga or power yoga). Classes that may be helpful include but are not limited to subtle yoga, beginner yoga, restorative yoga, therapeutic yoga, or yin yoga. If you are using yoga at home go for the poses from the first and last phases of your typical yoga class. Some examples of those poses include cat-cow, child’s pose, legs up the wall, gentle twists, bridge, and shavasana.

b.      Any MILD exercise. I really mean it. Streneous aerobic exercise or running are NOT good choices here. Opt for a walk in nature, dancing, or swimming.

c.       Rhythmical movement is also good. Examples of it include mild vinyasa yoga, dancing, and walking.

3.       3. Rituals and routines
     Rituals and routines are very important in supporting shift into the healing mode. Our nervous system responds well to predictability and repetition, which are basic components of any ritual or routine. So, consider starting and ending your day the same way. For example, having coffee every morning while you journal or starting day with a prayer or a brief yoga practice or just a shower and breakfast are all good ways of calming your nervous system from get go. The content of the routine is LESS important than its repetition and predictability.
     The same goes for the end of the day. Here are some of the ideas of calming pre-sleep routines: (a) having a cup of chamomile tea w/1/2 tsp of honey while reading something calming; (2) taking a WARM shower or bath with aroma oils of lavender, chamomile, rosemary, ylang-ylang or sweet orange; (3) listen to calm music while working on a crossword or puzzle; (4) journal about your day or things that you are grateful for; use words or pictures or scribbles, use colors; (5) do deep breathing and guided imagery exercise.
     One pre-caution in regards to the bedtime routines. Many people love watching TV or surfing the net and believe that those are good calming practices. Even though it may feel calming to you in the moment, those activities do NOT calm our nervous system. You may fall asleep or doze off, because you are exhausted, but the quality of your sleep is not going to be great.

4.       4. Music and use of voice

a.       Listening to calming music, including but not limited to nature sounds, classical and new age music, tends to trigger the ventral parasympathetic response associated with HEALING mode.

b.      Vocalizing like in singing, screaming, or crying may be very helpful

c.       Playing musical instruments intuitively (not learned piece of music or professional performance) and letting yourself express your current state maybe very helpful.

5.       Connecting with the Divine
     Connecting with the Divine in your life may be very helpful. It does not mean going to church and practicing religion. You could use going to church if it works for you. For many people it does not do it. If you are one of these folks, try one of the following:

a.       Identify your own Higher Power and talk to it in your own voice and your own words. Different people have very different understanding and images of Higher Power. For some it may be the Universal Energy, for others – spirits of the deceased ancestors, yet for others it may be Nature or Community. It does not matter what it is, as long as the image speaks to and resonates with you.

b.      Spend time in Natural spots that you like and watch/admire natural beauty and wildlife

c.       Play with and take care of babies

d.      Play with pets

6.       Being in SELF from IFS perspective
     Being in SELF, as  Internal Family Systems Model defines it, is very healing for our psyches and bodies. There are different ways of getting into that state, which is associated with compassion, curiosity, calmness, clarity, confidence, creativity, courage, and connectedness.
         One way is to spend 10-15 min listening to your parts from the place of compassion. As each part feels acknowledged and understood, ask it to step back. When all activated parts step back, you are left with the Self. Now you can spend some time in that healing place of acceptance and serenity.
     Another way is to use one of the more traditional meditation approaches. Self-compassion meditation or mantra-based meditation with the use of one of the C-words may be very helpful in evoking that state. Of course, as with any other practices, repetition and consistency are the keys to reaching and enjoying the benefits of the HEALING Mode. 

7.       Intimate and safe connection with another person   
         When we look into the loving eyes of another and feel the warmth and tenderness of their touch and their openness to us and our experiences, we are in the healing space. Deliberately focusing on those moments and cherishing them may be very helpful. Whether it is a smile that came from the stranger or a hug from a co-worker or a brief exchange with a family member about your day, be present in that moment and cherish it. Collect those interpersonal moments as opposed to the moments of conflict, disconnect, or misunderstanding that are frequent guests in most of our interpersonal spaces. 

8.       Rest and Relaxation 
     Sleep and rest are very important components of healing. So, instead of freaking out when you slept for 8 or 10 hours, tell yourself that you let your body and mind restore and repair and increased the amount of goodness in the world. If you can let yourself lay around, read, nap with your pet, watch fire in the fireplace or stars in the night sky, DO IT!!! The healing nature of those activities cannot be overestimated.

     Instead of conclusion

      Working with trauma survivors, I am very aware of how difficult it is for many to shift into and be in the HEALING MODE. In the beginning you may be able to tolerate only brief moments of it and only one or two of the aforementioned practices. AND, IT”S OK! As you continue healing, your ability to tolerate the states of calm and relaxation will increase and with it will increase the effects of being in the healing mode. Be gentle and patient with yourself. Be compassionate towards you as you would be towards a baby, who is learning how to crawl. HAPPY SHIFTING!

Practice of gratitude as an antidote to depression and PTSD

     I have heard and read about gratitude and its positive impact on health for years before the first attempt to apply it to my situation. Every spiritual approach and religion out there teaches about importance and helpfulness of gratitude. In the past twenty years or so scientists have been catching up with the idea as well. For example, Robert Emmons, Ph.D. is a director of the lab at UC-Davis that has been studying gratitude and well-being for many years now. In one of the projects they asked people to keep daily journals. One group was asked to record things they are grateful for, another group was asked to write about difficulties and events causing negative feelings, and the third group was asked to write about any of their daily experiences. The study found that those who kept gratitude journals exercised more regularly, reported fewer physical symptoms, felt better about their lives as a whole, and were more optimistic about the upcoming week compared to those who recorded hassles or neutral life events (Emmons & McCullough, 2003). Other studies showed positive effects of gratitude on the functioning of immune system, mood, anxiety, recovery from trauma, relationships, and so forth. 

    Despite all the overwhelming evidence that practicing gratitude may improve both physical and mental health, I never considered applying those findings to myself. When it was first suggested to me to write in a gratitude journal, I thought my therapist was full of shit. REALLY???? Gratitude journal? What the fuck do I have to be grateful for? Nightmares? Panic attacks? Constant problems with my physical health? Immigration issues? Inability to get out of bed, because I am so fatigued and depressed? Struggling with simple things like making meals for my family and cleaning my house? My anger took the best out of me at that point, and I did not follow up on this idea. Just a year later I found myself so depressed that I was willing to try anything. At that point, my therapist suggested gratitude journal again, and I agreed to give it a go.

    The idea was to write down 3-5 things I am grateful for on a daily basis.  My first entries in gratitude journal had 1 or 2 items. Most of them read something along the lines: “I am grateful that this day is over” or “I am thankful I can go to bed now”. I was NOT sarcastic. This is how I really felt. As months went by my entries became more comprehensive and included a number of different appreciations. I became capable of feeling grateful for good night’s sleep and for enough energy to wash dishes and for play time with my daughter. Few months later I graduated to being thankful­­ for my husband’s sense of humor, my daughter’s curious mind, my body’s ability to practice yoga, and for the safety of my neighborhood. What was happening to me? I believe that my ability to notice good things and blessings in life was developing. It has been exercised daily for a while. So, a year after I started this practice I was more capable of paying attention to and focusing on things that were right. And, I discovered through this practice that there was much more right than wrong with my life. I kind of knew it before, but I did not feel or experience it until I put time and effort into the gratitude journal.

     In addition to my sharpened ability to notice good things, I believe that the practice of gratitude led to improved mood, decreased anxiety, and increased sense of well-being. Since my first gratitude journal, I keep coming back to this practice over and over again. I start making entries on the daily basis, when I notice first signs of depression creeping in. Also, I actively use my journal through the holiday season to stay grounded in the hurricaines of commercialism and entitlement that I observe around me. Some entries in my journal are about big things, like my house or peace and safety of my community; others are about small things like playing with my cat or beautiful colors of fall leaves. Sometimes when I had a difficult day, I read through the journal entries in the evening and they remind me of the wider positive context of my life and help me escape the tunnel vision.

     I highly recommend this practice to anyone struggling with depression, anxiety, or PTSD. If you are willing to try, start with a clean notebook and a pen. Write down today’s date and underneath it describe 3-5 different things you are grateful for today. Then repeat the same thing tomorrow, the day after tomorrow, and daily for two weeks. In the end of the two weeks, read through your entries. Notice how they make you feel. Reflect on how this practice affected you (even in tiniest ways) in the past two weeks. If you noticed any positive effects at all, consider continuing with it.

     Helpful tips about gratitude journal:

1. You don’t have to write in it every day to get the benefits. Even writing in it once a week could be very helpful. HOWEVER, consistency and continuity are very important like with any practice. After all, you would not go to the GYM just once and expect that this visit will get you in good shape. Right?
2.  If you feel resistant towards this idea, ask yourself what concerns you. Maybe it seems cheesy to a part of you or maybe it feels like too much work. Maybe a part of you feels hopeless and not willing to try yet another approach only to find it did not help in the end. Acknowledge any and all concerns that you are hearing from different sides of you. Treat those questions and worries as very important. Ask what can help that side feel less worried. And then follow through with that. You may be surprised how easy internal resistances could be resolved once we listen with respect and show desire to work things out.
3.  Make the experience of writing in the journal pleasing for you. Use supplies that you like. Buy a notebook that appeals to you and that you want to use. Be creative with the journal if you feel like it. Doodling, drawing, writing in circles, create collages, using mixed media, or whatever else that appeals to the different sides of you will facilitate this process and make it more interesting.

If you would like to learn more about gratitude’s impact on well-being and different gratitude practices, check out the following resources:

·         http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/topic/gratitude

·         http://emmons.faculty.ucdavis.edu/

·         http://www.gratefulness.org/

Thank you for reading,

Irina Diyankova

When and where will it end?

     I am often asked by my clients whether they “will ever be normal again”. I hear over and over something along the lines of: “Will I ever be able to move on?” or “Will the time come when I am not affected by my past traumas?” or “When will I be healed?” In other words, most clients want to know when will IT be over? People often wish I would say that I have a magic wand that would completely heal them once I wave. They hope that I would at least tell them that they will be completely done after N number of sessions or months or if they work really hard.

     Nobody wants to hear that his or her life was changed FOREVER by the traumatic events that happened to them and that the more events happened or the longer in duration and the higher in intensity they were, the more it affected their bodies and souls. No one is prepared for the idea that there is NO WAY BACK. You are NEVER going to be the same person, ever! It is very hard to swallow. Believe me I know, because I am both in your shoes and the shoes of the mental health professional.

     My conscious healing journey from the traumatic events of my past started in 2005. Even though I struggled with depression and suffered from anxiety for years before that, and I even sought help and benefited from psychotherapy and alternative treatments, it was NOT until I acknowledged to myself that I had been deeply affected and continue to be affected by the traumas of my past that I took the first steps on my path towards healing. I am still on this journey, and I will be for as long as needed if not forever.

 

    Today I look back at the nine years of hard personal work that included consistent psychotherapy, daily self-care practices, countless sessions of acupuncture, massage, energy healing, numerous meditation and healing retreats, and I experience both pride and shock. I wonder how I would have felt on that day in 2005, when I realized how wounded I was by the past and that I cannot continue running away from it, if I knew that nine years later I will still be healing? Would I have taken that first step or would I have decided to keep running away? Was it even a free choice at that point? Maybe I took that step because I reached my personal bottom of sickness and exhaustion? Even though I have all these questions, I know that today I feel HAPPY  taking that step in 2005. I am very glad that I kept taking one more step every day of those nine years. Some of these steps were backwards, others were accompanied by despair, some were taken in anger or rebelliousness, others were more like inch-long baby steps, AND it all is OK.

     There is ONLY one wish I have, when it comes to reflecting on what I could have done differently. I really regret wasting so much of my time, energy, and emotion on the question of whether I will ever be NORMAL. I thought about it, I talked about it, I cried about it, I raged about it, and then I realized IT DID NOT MATTER. What the fuck????  How did I not see it sooner? But that is OK too. I guess it is all a part of a journey.

     So, you might wonder where am I at in the end of my nine-year long healing journey and what do I have to show for it? Here are my thoughts.

• ·    MY JOURNEY IS NOT OVER and IT IS OK with me. I continue to work daily on supporting my traumatized brain and nervous system by meditating, journaling, and practicing yoga. I am religious about my sleep, eating, hydrating, and taking medications and supplements. Sometimes I need more support, when the stress level in my life increases. So, I sleep longer hours, practice reiki daily, do grounding multiple times a day, write in my gratitude journal, take long walks outside, etc. Sometimes I get cocky, because I have been feeling really good for a while. Very quickly my brain and nervous system put me in place by escalating migraines, increased irritability and anger, or intensifying depressive symptoms, and I am back on track. Again, I am focused on one day at a time and one step at a time.
• ·         I HAVE GATHERED A LOT OF “FRUITS” from my endless labor of recovery. I have much more empathy for myself and other people. I enjoy my life much more. I have learned so much about Myself, other people, my two cultures, and the world in general. I would not have done it if my PTSD has not continued to push me. An added benefit in my situation is that I have become such a better therapist as a result of all that personal work. I know how to deal with the flare-ups and can detect them much quicker than before.
• ·         I AM CHANGED FOREVER by what happened to me. Because so many different traumatic events happened over a stretch of twenty years, because some of them happened when I was a child, and because I have been running away from the past for a while, my mind and body are much more sensitive to the daily stressors and much deeper affected by them. I have many more needs than your average Jane or Joe. I need much more support and resources to keep going. I used to agonize over all of it: my “weak constitution”, my “neediness”, lack of normalcy in my life and so on. Here is what I believe today. I NEVER ASKED to be traumatized. WHAT HAPPENED to me was NOT FAIR, and I DID NOT have a choice. Therefore, it is not my fault I have so many needs. HOWEVER, it is MY RESPONSIBILITY to take care of myself and my needs as an adult. I am working hard and doing the best I can to minimize the impact of my condition on those around me. That is all I can really expect of myself.
• ·         THE JOURNEY HAS BEEN DIFFICULT and PAINFUL but LESS AND LESS so, as I kept moving forward. Today I am walking my path with acceptance and curiosity, and it is much nicer to me than in the past, when I was moving along it kicking and screaming and trying to run in the other direction.
• ·         I keep at it NOT because I have to anymore. I continue my journey, because I firmly believe that I DESERVE HEALING and so does everyone else and so does the world. So, every step that I take on my own healing journey makes our world a little brighter and a little more loving and a little more peaceful. I know that if everyone in this world were to do their

  

  own HEALING WORK, we will have no more war and no more violence and no more trauma to pass on to the future generations. I did not have a say in whether I will get to experience violence, HOWEVER, I have a say in whether I am going to perpetrate it and pass it on. And I have been saying “NO!” every day for the past 9 years. So, my HEALING WORK is NOT only my gift to myself, it is my gift to you and to the world.

             As a result, today I am not worried about when and how and whether it is going to end. I hope that this account will help reduce your worry too. I wish you the best on your healing journey. I know you can walk the path and learn to enjoy it too, because I did, many of my clients did, and because there is a lot of support available for this kind of healing today.

 

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