Coping with intense feelings

     Many trauma survivors struggle, when it comes to regulating their emotions.  If you find yourself feeling down, angry, afraid, sad and so forth "out-of-the-blue" and/or often, you may have this problem too. Even though it feels awful and scary, when you fall in "the black hole" of an intense negative feeling, and you may even think in the moment that it will never go away, there are a few simple steps that you can try to help yourself cope with those episodes.
     1. Acknowledge and accept the feeling that you are experiencing in the moment, no matter how "shitty" it is.Just say to yourself: "There is a feeling of anger (or any other feeling you experience in the moment) right now and it is OK".
     2. Choose a way to cope with you feeling. Any of the suggestions below can be used for this purpose, as well as other techniques you read about or learned in your own therapy.
       Riding the Wave. Imagine that you are in the middle of an ocean and there is a wave coming your way. If you try to fight it, you will most likely get drowned. However, if you let yourself lay on your back and relax, it will carry you, you can also choose to ride this wave if you are a surfer, or go with it in any other way that your imagination suggests. The idea is to imagine that you are riding a wave of an intense feeling instead of fighting it. And, when the wave washes over you, the feeling will go away.
     Soothing yourself. Focus on soothing yourself. There are many constructive ways in which it can be done. Here are a few ideas: wrap yourself up in a warm blanket, listen to calming music, take a bath with aroma oils or bubbles, look at the pictures of the people who love you, remind yourself that you are a wonderful person and that things will be OK, do self-massage, hug a stuffed animal, play with a pet, and so forth. The trick is to find what is soothing for you, and go with it.
     Exercising. Physical exercise can often help release the negative feeling. If you are angry, running or intense aerobic exercise may be a good choice. If you are sad or afraid, something like yoga, tai chi, or qui qong may fit more. Any form of exercise can be helpful, so choose what fits for you, whether it's walking, swimming, dancing, or something else.
    Expressing your feelings on paper.  Use journaling to express how you feel. People are sometimes hesitant to write down their thoughts and feelings out of the concern that someone else may read it. You do not have to store what you wrote. You may choose to shred, tear to pieces or burn that piece of paper. Sometimes folks connect to drawing and painting more. If you are one of them, by all means use your paints, markers, pastels, pencils, etc. to express your feeling. The goal is not to create a piece of art, but rather express what is going on inside.
     Distracting yourself. Use movies, music, puzzles, games, chatting with someone, books, math problems or anything else that you can focus on other than your intense feeling.
     Communicating with others. Let those, who you trust, around you know that you are struggling. Ask them for what you need and be specific. For example, "I am feeling really angry right now. It has nothing to do with you. I need to.... go for a 20 min run (take a shower, spend10 min alone, etc.) to cool down" or "I am feeling really sad right now. I am not sure why. I would like a hug and to talk to you for a few minutes."
     3. Be patient with yourself and your emotions. They come and go. They DO NOT MEAN anything about you as a person. IT'S OK TO FEEL THE WAY you feel. And remember, this feeling will pass, maybe not as quickly as you would like, but it will go away. You can speed up the process by being patient and abstaining from self-criticism.    
      Now that you know the steps, create a specific coping plan using suggestions above, as well as your own and others' ideas. Work on the plan, when you feel good. Write this plan down on a note card and carry it with you. This way when an intense feeling suddenly hits you, all you need to remember is pulling the card out and following the steps on it.
     Also, remember that there are a number of things that people often do, when feeling emotional intensity that ARE NOT HELPFUL. SO, stay away from using alcohol or recreational drugs, self-harm and self-destructive behaviors (e.g., cutting or being promiscuous), addictive behaviors (e.g., watching porn or gambling), aggressive behaviors towards others, self-criticism, and making important life decisions. Those may seem as good ideas in the moment, but almost always come with negative consequences in the long run.