How to care for self – PART I

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     I was convinced that self-care is a good thing for a long time now, but it took me forever to figure out how exactly to do that. I have noticed on my personal and my clients’ examples that new believers tend to overdo things. I used to criticize myself if I did not practice yoga, one of my identified self-care methods, for several days. I also used to have pretty high expectations of how many different self-care things and how often I am going to perform. Of course, in this situation I was practicing self-care on the surface while continuing to emotionally “abuse” myself underneath.

      In the next three posts I am going to share with you some ideas and tips on developing a life style that will support you taking care of yourself. It is not just about specific practices and how often you perform them, it is also about continuing to work on developing belief that YOU ARE WORTHY OF CARING FOR.   In PART I of these series I will focus on some general self-care guidelines and on taking care of physical self. In PART II major theme will be taking care of the mind. PART III will cover caring for the spirit and general conclusions. 

     The first point I would like to make here is the difference between our needs and our wants. A need is something that is necessary for a person to maintain or restore their health, balance, or wholesome nature. A want is something that a person’s ego desires because it feels good or pleasurable in this very moment. For example, when I want a piece of cake or to veggie out in front of TV, it is not necessarily what I need. I may need to have a piece of fruit and to meditate with my legs up the wall instead. But differentiating between what I need and what I want is NOT an easy task.  

     From the long history of different human cultures and modern research we know a lot about human physical body and its needs. To be physically well we need to drink, eat, move, sleep and rest, and stay clean. Now, we also have a lot of individual differences among us in respect to how much we need to rest, eat, move, and so forth. Unfortunately, in the modern civilized cultures we moved so far away from nature and being in touch with ourselves that we learned to rely on science to tell us how to take care of our physical bodies as opposed to OUR OWN BODIES. So, the first task of self-care program is to get back in touch with your body, its needs and its rhythms. Get curious, start listening to your body and exploring its needs. 

     How much rest do you need to function well? Most Americans don’t get enough. Functioning on caffeine and adrenaline, we have no idea how tired or rested we are. Most likely your rest needs change depending on your level of stress, business, time of the year and so forth. When it comes to rest and sleep, ancient medicine and modern science alike describe its importance and multiple benefits. Many of my clients, who came in complaining on anxiety and depression, were surprised to find out that their symptoms went away, when they established good sleep and rest habits. In general, regular sleep schedule with 7-9 hours of uninterrupted rest at night is a golden standard.

     What does your body need to eat? How often? How much? There are all kinds of nutritional ideas, theories, and advice out there. New promising diet comes out every month. It is overwhelming! How do you know what is right for you? Again, your best advisor is your body. Listen to its response after you had a meal. It will tell you. For example, when I eat something that my body does not appreciate, I get tired and lethargic 30 min – 2 hours after the meal. I also may get one or several of the following:  bloating, discomfort in my stomach, headache, irritability, depressed mood, fatigue next morning, and so forth. When I eat something that is good for my body, I feel energetic until my next meal, my stomach is comfortable, mood is stable, and outlook on life generally positive. Through several years of experimenting and listening to my body, I have found that low sugar and no gluten diet with lots of vegetables and fruit and a little meat works the best for me. Of course, it does not mean that the same will work for you. Good news here is that you need ONLY YOU to figure out your diet.

          A lot has been said lately by researchers and physicians alike about importance of movement. Physical exercise is claimed to be the best way to prevent most physical and mental health issues, as well as a good treatment for some of them (e.g., diabetes or depression). In spite of all the research and education, Americans continue to be one of the most sedentary nations in the world. We do NOT need to move in order to survive. If we want to eat, we drive to a restaurant or to a grocery store or even better order in. If we want to go to a movie, we turn TV or computer on and watch one. Many of us do not even need to go to work anymore, because we can work in the convenience of our own houses from our own computers. We are lucky that we have access to all those luxuries, right? Wrong! We get what we want but not what we need! Human bodies were created with the idea of movement in mind. When we move, we stay healthy and we live long high quality lives. When we become sedentary, we lose our health and quality of our lives suffers.

     So, if you are on a path to self-care, your task is to create as many opportunities to move your body on a daily basis as possible. Now, movement does not have to be going to the GYM and using treadmill. It means taking your dog for a walk as opposed to letting it out. It means parking in the distant spot and walking to your office, store, restaurant and so forth. It means getting up during commercials and stretching or dancing. It means going on a hike or bike ride on the weekend instead of going out for dinner and then ice-cream. Even those little changes can go a long way. The idea is to slowly or quickly develop LOVE of movement, so that moving your body becomes FUN and NECESSITY, so that you feel that something is lacking when you lay on a couch for an evening. There is a lot of space for creativity and exploration here. Some people learn that they like dancing, others are crazy about rock climbing, while others discover the joys of gardening. The content and type of movement does not matter.

     As a conclusion for this part, I would like to share a simple practice that may help you over time develop an ability to listen to your body, mind, and spirit more closely. It is a five minute sitting meditation. To start take a comfortable seated position with your back straight and chest open. Feel grounded through your sitting bone, put both feet on the ground or cross your legs, with your feet under your knees. Put an alarm on for 5 minutes from now. Then close your eyes and focus on your breathing, just noticing how you breathe air in and how you breathe it out. Paying attention without any judgment or criticism. Your focus maybe helped by finding a specific area of your body that is changing with breath to focus on, such as your belly or chest or area around your nostrils.

     After a couple of minutes of focusing on your breathing, ask yourself “How am I feeling right now in my body?”. Listen for internal responses without any judgment. Whatever sensations are there, they are OK, even if it is pain or discomfort. Then ask yourself a question “What does my body need to continue feeling well (or to feel better)?” Again, listen for responses without any judgment. After your alarm goes off, write down your observations. Do this practice for a week, then look over your notes. What can you learn from them? Is there anything you would like to change in how you are treating your body?

     Most important though is to remind yourself as often as possible that YOU ARE WORTHY OF CARING FOR! As you start believing it, you will start acting like it. The more you act like it, the more you believe it. :)

     As always, please, share your comments and questions. More specifically, what constructive and creative ways have you found re: caring for your body?