Dealing with the messiness of life

     Throughout the years I noticed that many trauma survivors, including myself, have desire to avoid messiness of life at all costs. We lock ourselves in the safety of our houses, relationships, jobs, routines, etc. We dread any change. We want to have full control of our lives, which is very understandable given how out-of-control traumatic experience felt. However, as protective and desirable as it is, this state of avoidance is also unrealistic. We do not have full control of our lives and our circumstances. There are too many forces and factors that play on the stages of our lives. The only control we truly have is of how we respond to what happens.

     Practicing yoga on the beach helped me learn about messiness and control in my life. I have always thought about practicing yoga on the beach as a fun and pleasant activity. I have been craving it for a while. Finally, two weeks ago I arrived at the beach on Hilton Head Island with my yoga towel and a bottle of water and an intent to fully immerse myself in the yoga class offered there. It was 8:30 a.m. in the morning on a sunny day with a fresh breeze coming from the ocean. The sound of waves crushing against each other was very soothing. I placed my towel next to another yogi’s towel and stood at the top of it as instructed by the teacher. As we started engaging in Sun Salutations and other standing poses, I realized that my towel does not hold my weight very well. The sand under it got very bumpy. Moreover, sand got on the towel, on my hands, arms, legs, and feet. It was rubbing against my skin. Wind was blowing sand into my face. My eyes were stinging with sweat pouring from my forehead. People walking on the beach were stopping and staring at our small group, some even took pictures. Seagulls were screaming. Kids were running around sprinkling water all around. “What a mess!” I thought to myself. Suddenly I felt uncomfortable, unpleasant, and disappointed. “This is NOT what yoga on the beach is supposed to be like!”

     Then I realized that there is NOT “supposed to be” for any experience, including yoga on the beach. It is what it is. I have a choice of accepting this experience as it is or fighting it. I decided to slow my mind down and focus on my breathing. Soon I noticed that in addition to all the aforementioned discomforts, I also experienced pleasure from moving and stretching my body, from the breeze caressing my sandy arms and legs, and from being able to identify and intensely listen to the sound of waves. “It’s just like any other part of life,” I heard a voice in my head. “In order to feel joy and pleasure, you need to immerse yourself into an experience fully and be willing to take discomfort that comes with it as well”. 

     When the class hit its midpoint, my experience was quite different. I actually stopped minding sweaty sandy mess that covered my body. My focus shifted towards movement, breath, and ocean waves. I felt as One with all of that. I still noticed all the other stuff, like people walking and staring, seagulls screaming and so forth, but all of them became background for my sense of connection with my body and nature.

     Later on, when I reflected on my experience in the class, I thought of messiness as an integral part of living. Nothing good is ever created without a mess, be it a baby being born or a meal being cooked or a piece of art being created or a tomato being grown. I found the quote by Charles Caleb Colton that I really resonated with: “Life isn't like a book. Life isn't logical or sensible or orderly. Life is a mess most of the time”.

     So, why are we so mess-phobic? Why are we trying to keep mess and disorder out of our lives? Somehow we came to equate mess with danger and evil. We get overwhelmed. We think we will not be able to cope if we get ourselves in a mess. We don’t have skills or resources. So, there are different ways to go about the issue. One would be to avoid mess altogether and accept the consequences of avoiding life and joy and learning and growth. Another way is to learn skills and obtain necessary resources to deal with the mess, so that we can experience our lives fully. The choice is ours. And, we can choose every moment and every day J