Moving on by Celebrating Survival
In all human cultures
important events, such as births, weddings, deaths are marked by special
celebrations and rituals. They help us acknowledge an event, its impact, and
transition to the next stage of our lives. We also have holidays that mark
different seasons, such as Thanksgiving or religious events, such as Christmas.
Those celebrations are embedded in a specific culture and each member of the
culture knows particular rituals and ways to celebrate particular event. We can
modify what our culture has to offer, but we have a template and basic
knowledge of what to do. For example, when it comes to a wedding in the US, all
people have a basic idea of a wedding ceremony held in a sacred or important place
involving a bride in a beautiful white dress, a groom – also dressed up,
wedding party, guests, reception with food and music afterwards and so forth.
Well, a traumatic event is all
bit as important as a birth or a wedding. It transforms a person and his/her
life forever and often marks a transition from a naïve and innocent individual
to someone, who experienced very grim and dark side of human existence. Some
people experience a number of traumatic events in their lives, each one is as
important as the following one. Unfortunately, many human cultures, including
American culture, leave people to their own devices, when it comes to dealing
with trauma. Moreover wounded individuals often feel isolated and rejected, and
their injuries are rarely acknowledged. Definitely, nothing about it is
celebrated.
One important aspect of trauma
is that our psyche often gets stuck there, because it is overwhelmed during the
traumatic event and unable to process it. So, often years after the end of
sexual abuse, the survivor still feels unsafe and unstable and has difficulty
thriving. The same applies to other types of traumas, such as combat, terrorism,
assault, natural disaster and so forth.
How can we help our psyche
understand that traumatic event is over? How can we help ourselves move on? The
answer maybe counterintuitive… By celebrating the end of trauma and the fact
that we survived it! Since we don’t have any templates for how to conduct a
celebration like that, there is a lot of freedom to create a celebratory event
that fits your personality, life circumstances, values, type of trauma, etc.
For those, who feel lost and
would like some ideas to start from, below is a non-exhaustive list of celebratory
possibilities:
· Create a collage of survival and
healing. Share it with those close to you.
· Throw a party with survival theme. It
can be focused on you or it can be focused on all guests surviving difficult
and painful events in their lives. Have people share what they appreciate about
survival and what they are celebrating.
· Cook your favorite foods. Invite
close friends and/or family to dinner. Share with them what you survived and
when and how you are different today because of it.
· Plan a get-away retreat focused on
you taking good care of yourself, because you survived. Include activities and
places that you enjoy in your itinerary. Maybe it’s camping, or fishing, or
hanging out on a beach, or getting massage, or hiking, or a yoga class, or
getting pedicure, or reading a great book, or having tea on a porch? Whatever
it is, as long as it feeds your mind, body, and soul in a healthy,
non-destructive way, it has a place on your celebration list.
· Create a ritual including elements of
your spiritual tradition(s), such as prayer, meditation, lighting candles,
chanting, singing and other practices. Perform ritual alone or share it with
significant people.
· Create a scrap book focusing on differences
between your life post-trauma and life during trauma.
NOTE TO THOSE WHO DON'T FEEL LIKE CELEBRATING
I understand that you may not feel like celebrating at all. In fact you may feel like life is not worth living given what happened, or you may be grieving losses, or you maybe plotting revenge. The idea of celebration may seem ridiculous to you in the context of your current life. In this case, I invite you to acknowledge that the trauma is over in any way you can, in any way that feels authentic to you. Sometimes journaling about it helps, Writing a simple sentence like "Accident happened on May 25, 1985. Today is June 27, 2012. The accident is OVER" and then looking at it on a daily basis may prove beneficial.
Please,
share your own celebratory ideas or ways in which you celebrated/acknowledged your survival
below.
