Sunday, November 13, 2016

Dealing with post election emotions and concerns



     Now that the next president has been elected, you may be left with all kinds of concerns and fears around it. I personally am concerned. I am concerned for myself as a female and an immigrant, for my family, and for multiple friends, clients, colleagues and just people, who do not fit into the category of the white straight able-bodied and wealthy enough male. So, if you have concerns and fears, please, know that you are not alone. And, keep reading further.
     I do not have any political solutions in mind. However, I would like to offer a few thoughts on coping with post-election distress. First of all, it is important to acknowledge and validate your feelings. No matter what they are or how different they are from those experienced by others, you have the right to feel the way you do. I have been reading and hearing a lot form the folks that voted for the president-elect that I and others, who are upset need to get over it, accept the results, and stop being angry. I DO NOT believe this rhetoric, and I do not think that it is healthy to suppress your feelings and “move on”. Instead, I encourage you to express your feelings and your thoughts in healthy ways.
     So, the second suggestion that I have is to search for and find ways to express your feelings and moreover, use energy of your distress in a meaningful and constructive way. You may ask how do I do this? The options are limitless. Here are just a few ideas. Writing about your feelings or expressing them in any kind of creative format may help further understand and process your reactions.  It often helps to talk to the SUPPORTIVE and SAFE others about your feelings and concerns. Many people told me that since November 8 they have not been sure who is safe and who is supportive.
I understand that. Here are some ways to identify safe and supportive people in your life: 1) read their social media posts since election and notice if there is a rhetoric of inclusiveness, support for minorities, and desire to advocate for oppressed and less fortunate; if the answer is yes, they are probably safe; 2) look for people wearing safety pins; #safetypin action has taken off around the country; if you see a person wearing a safety pin, ask them what it is about. I myself am wearing a safety pin. By doing this I have committed to support and advocate for minorities anywhere I go and to stand against discrimination and bigotry. I will continue to hold safe space for you in our work together, as I have been doing prior to the elections. You can bring ANY issues and concerns to my office, and I promise to not only suspend my judgment and listen, as I always have, but also to advocate for you and help you find safe places in your life.
     If you would like to put energy of your anger, disgust, fear, distress and so forth to good use, look for different social causes and movements that make sense to you. Since November 8, multiple campaigns and movements have started organizing. For example, there is all-inclusive “Women’s March on DC” being organized and planned in every corner of the country right now. It is scheduled for January 21, 2017, the day after president-elect’s inauguration. You can join your local chapter and work with like-minded others and/or march in DC or locally in support of the human rights and advocating for the minority groups. There is “Love Trumps Hate” and “Let Love Conquer”.  I have seen people donating in the names of president-elect and vice-president-elect to all kinds of organizations and groups that have been ostracized during election season. Here is a list of different organizations representing and fighting for marginalized groups:
You may choose to be-friend others from particularly vulnerable minority groups, such as people of Muslim faith or LGBTQ individuals.
     Third, during times like this self-care is even more important. So, remember to be nice to yourself by soothing your worried and young parts by things like positive loving affirmations, essential aroma oils of lavender  and sweet orange, being in nature, listening to calming music, hugs from self and others, and LOTS OF SELF-COMPASSION. Also, take good care of your body through good night sleep, walking, exercising, eating healthy food and drinking lots of water.
     Finally, being with SUPPORTIVE OTHERS and finding a community you feel safe with is as important as ever. No one can do it alone. If none of your friends or family members can understand and appreciate your concerns, join Love Trumps Hate group on facebook, come to one of their local events, and connect to those who are willing to listen and understand. WE ARE HERE FOR YOU.
With lots of love and compassion
    




Wednesday, July 27, 2016

Dealing with the impact of mass shootings and violence



     June and July of this year have surprised us with even more mass shootings than previous months of 2016 as if it was not already enough. These events are tragic and painful for everyone; however, the impact on the trauma survivors is often the most severe. Often survivors notice that they feel more on edge, fearful, overwhelmed, or angry than usually. And, at times, survivors cannot understand why, because those tragedies are not necessarily connected in their minds to how they function and feel every day.  For some, PTSD may flare up significantly. So, what can a trauma survivor do to relieve the impact and the consequences? The answer is multi-dimensional. Consider taking as many of the following steps as you can in order to alleviate or prevent triggering trauma response.
Step 1. Decrease your exposure to the news coverage as much as possible. When I say this, I often hear objections along the lines “But I need to know what is going on in the country (or in the world or in my community)”. I completely understand that need and that desire. There are ways
to stay informed without overwhelming yourself by violent traumatizing images. As we entered digital and global age, we all have been overexposed to the videos and images of shootings, bombings, attacks, war, etc. Never before in human history have people had access to so many images and videos of the cruelty and horror. I would like to remind all of us that human psyche can take only so much before producing a trauma response. When it comes to trauma survivors, their psyches already took a number of hits, so there is no need to traumatize them further. Often it is enough to know that the tragic event happened; there is absolutely no need to watch or read about the gory details and expose yourself to the repetitive nature of ongoing discussion. Remember that the more images you see, the more the images and details are repeated the higher is potential for the trauma reaction.
     If you would like to stay informed, here are some ways to limit overexposure:    
a)      Make a choice to read news in the paper or online, but skip pictures and images;
b)      Leave the room or turn TV off before or right when the videos of violence start showing;
c)       Turn down volume on the radio or switch to another channel when another discussion or episode covering violence begins
d)      DO not engage in discussions of the details of the violent incidents with others. Ask those close to you to be respectful of your trauma response and abstain from discussing the details. If one of them would like to talk to you about their thoughts or feelings regarding new violence incidents, ask them to preface it, check in with you to see if it is OK, and if it is a good time and to what extent and for how long you can talk about the subject.
It is OK to set limits with yourself and others around exposure to violence. It is an act of self-compassion and self-care.

Step 2. Create space in your personal life to process  feelings caused by the events through journaling, creative endeavors, or talking to significant others about it. Acknowledging your feelings and finding ways to express them in a non-violent way is very important step towards healing versus going deeper into trauma reaction. Sometimes it helps to limit processing time to 15-30 minutes at each occasion in order to contain difficult feelings and not overwhelm yourself. If being overwhelmed with emotions is a concern for you, then agree with yourself how often and for how long you will be processing (for example, 2-3 times a week for 15 minutes), set an alarm for that particular amount of time, and when alarm goes off, put your project away and focus on something else until the next time.

Step 3.  Can you channel the energy of you  feelings into a helpful action, such as perform a ritual of honoring the victims, participate in a community event devoted to it, donate money? If yes, go ahead and do it. Action will use the energy of the feeling, as well, as help you feel empowered instead of helpless. If no, that is OK and not a cause to feel bad about yourself. Go to step 4 then.

 Step 4. Increase intensity and frequency of self-care. Consider adding to, not subtracting from, your regular self-care regimen. During times of increased stress, whether personal or societal/cultural, survivors need more NOT LESSS self-care. Below are some ideas you can explore in this area, but remember that you may need something unique and different, so just listen to your own needs and respond to them:

  • Self-compassion break (to be taken at least 3 x day). Stop what you are doing. Put a hand on your heart, stomach, or cheeks. Take a couple of deep breaths. Keep saying to yourself something along the lines (for a min or so): “May I be kind to myself in this moment and each and every moment today. I love myself just the way I am”. You can also visualize being wrapped in a golden light, warm blanket, or being surrounded by those who love you unconditionally.
  •  Spending time in nature: we are surrounded by natural beauty which is healing for mind-body-spirit. So, make it a point to expose yourself to trees, plants, earth by taking a walk in the park, going on a bike ride, kayaking, or just sitting in your back yard and listening to the birds singing or watching your pet enjoyment from being out. Do it often, at least 2-3 times a week.
  •  Gentle movement, such as yoga, tai-chi, walking, swimming, or dancing. Plenty of research showed that physical movement changes our brain chemistry through increasing release of endorphins and reversing stress-induced decreases in Brain-Derived Neurotrophic Factor (BDNF) expression; both of them counter the effects of stress on the nervous system and brain. In addition, exercise helps regulate secretion of cortisol (stress hormone) both in short- and long-term. So, if you are feeling blah or anxious and don’t know what to do, make a choice in favor of an exercise class, a run, walk, swim, or any other movement type that appeals to you. 
  •   Playful creativity, such as doodling, coloring, using clay, crafts, etc. Those kinds of activities create a
    state of mindfulness and bring you into the present moment, allowing you to be fully present, which in turn reduces stress and increases enjoyment. Additional helpful effect of creative engagement is that it can help you both express and process feelings that may
    not be reachable with words.

     In conclusion, no matter what you do remember to give yourself a break and be compassionate. Practicing self-compassion meditation may really help with improving your ability to call on this state when you need it the most. And, self-compassion not only helps you but it helps those around you through modeling a great alternative to violent response. If each and every one of us could live in self-compassion, we will not be dealing with a wave of violence today. May you be kind to yourself each and every moment of the day!