Packing for a journey: tools and skills

     Healing from trauma is a long process and a substantial journey. As any big trip it requires preparation and right gear. For some journeys we need clothes and a sleeping bag for others we need tools and skills. This post will help you understand a broader picture of what you may need to support your healing journey. The posts that follow will expand on each category and teach you specific skills.

     Very often when trauma is over, we find ourselves behaving in self-destructive ways, such as abusing alcohol or drugs, cutting self, taking unjustified risks, engaging in unsafe sex and so forth. This happens not because we really want to hurt ourselves but because we are reaching for what is available and quick to relieve our emotional pain. A couple of drinks can really take the edge off in this moment. A one night stand can temporarily relieve loneliness and create a moment of pleasure.  

     The truth is we want to cope. We want to feel better. But we don’t know of lasting and effective ways to bring relief. Nobody teaches us in school or college the skills we might need if we get traumatized. Good news is that we can obtain what we need at any age by understanding common emotional needs of trauma survivors and learning specific ways to address them. So, let’s get to the bottom of it. The table below  summarizes common emotional needs and issues of trauma survivors and suggests different tools and skills that can be helpful in dealing with each one of those. 

Common emotional concerns of survivors	Focus of learning	Skills & Techniques
Mood & affect instability	How to tolerate distress and pain without falling apart; How to improve mood	Distraction Self-soothing Mind-body techniques Containment
Anxiety, hyperarousal, stress and tension	How to tolerate anxiety; How to reduce anxiety	Mind-body techniques Imagery techniques, i.e. Safe Place
Relieving past traumatic experiences: flashbacks, obsessive thoughts, sudden intense emotions	How to be in and return to the present moment	Grounding Mind-body techniques Containment Safe Place Visualization
Difficulty communicating with or relating to others	How to express self effectively; How to listen to others efficiently	Expressing your thoughts and feelings Asking for what you need Effective use of “no”
Non-specific difficulties functioning at the “normal” level	How to take good care of self	Basic  self-care: sleeping, eating, exercising
Negative self-image & shame	How to focus on the core goodness; How to focus on the positive aspects of self	Loving kindness meditation Positive self-talk & affirmations Discovering anger
Persistent feelings of guilt		Loving kindness meditation Forgiveness practice
Intense anger	Validation & safe expression of emotions	Coping affirmations Time out Safe expressions of anger
Suicidal thoughts, impulses to self-harm, homicidal thoughts	Understanding the nature of the thoughts/impulses	Survival kit/box

     In the next several posts I will describe the skills summarized in the table above in detail. Each post will focus on the specific emotional concern (left column of the table) and teach you skills to address or cope with this concern. Some of the skills or concerns have been described in the previous posts. You will find links to those posts in the table.
     As a conclusion, healing from trauma is a long process that takes courage, perseverance, time, and multiple resources. It is a long journey. As any successful journey, it has to be planned and prepared for. Think of learning and practicing coping skills as a very important preparation step.You need those tools in order to cross the "oceans" and "desserts" that you will meet on your way and to reach the oasis of  healed and whole self. So, do not regret time and energy you spend at this step of the process. It will serve you very well once you delve into reprocessing traumatic memories, the most painful part of the .journey.