My invitation to
you is to accept where you are at today. Whether you are cherishing every
second or despising every moment or somewhere in between, it is OK to feel
exactly the way you are feeling. Remember that your reactions are not fixed in
time and they will be changing as you continue your healing journey.
If this current
holiday season is a struggle for you, I have a number of suggestions that could
help soothe the pain. First and foremost, give yourself as much compassion as
humanely possible and then… some more. Remind yourself and your parts OVER and
OVER again that emotional and physical struggles are a normal part of any
healing journey. Explain to your parts that even though you cannot take pain
away, you can soothe it. Hand on the heart practice (see below) is an excellent
compassion balm.
Second, If you already
practice listening to your parts from a compassionate place, then ask them how
you can help. Validate what a part is telling you and then follow through on
the request if possible. In the case that aforementioned practice is not a part
of your repertoire yet, here are some specific suggestions of things to try:
1.
Hand on the heart technique. Put one of your
hands on the heart area, focus on the sensation of touch, breathe light into
your heart. Repeat soothing affirmations, such as “I know you are struggling
right now. Its ok. I love you just the way you are”. If saying “I love you” is
impossible in the moment substitute with God, pet, child, etc.
2.
Move your body in a caring way. Gentle yoga
practice is ideal for that. For
suggestions and videos of specific poses visit my YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCpbWHr4qUZnwYPsDbnM9mcA
Such practices as Humming Bee breath and Forward Fold tend to be really calming for thenervous system. You only need to preform one of the practices 3-4 times a day to start receiving benefits (overall 5-7 min a day)
3.
Set healthy for you boundaries with family and friends.
Remember that you can end any unpleasant situation or destructive conversation
by a variety of different means, such as excusing yourself to go to the
bathroom, shifting to a different topic, explicitly stating that you are not
willing to engage in X way, and if nothing else works, simply leaving the
situation.
4.
Schedule some personal time daily, when you do
ONLY what you want in the moment. Give yourself different tools and options,
such as paper and markers, calming music, good book,
a bath with essential oils, etc
a bath with essential oils, etc
5. Forgive yourself at least once a day and if needed multiple times a day.
Regular forgiveness practice is a must during difficult times. A simple 3 min
visualization of love and light that your Higher Self is sending into your
heart is a good start.
6. Seek support from the trusted others. Before you leave for the holidays or
host family at your home, discuss ways to stay connected via text, email, or
phone with one or two close friends. Exchanging even one word or emoji when you
feel upset or out of sorts can give you enough resource to do what needs to be
done.
7.
Prepare a plan B and if needed a plan C. If
you are traveling for the holidays, think of the alternative places to stay,
people to see, dates and ways of getting back. Always have an exit out of
a potentially unpleasant environment planned. Flying by the seat of your pants,
when you are going in the situation that has been dysfunctional in the past is
NOT a good plan, even if you think everyone has changed since. Also, just a
gentle reminder that when we are going into an environment in which we have
felt traumatized before, it is very easy
to freeze and blank out. This is why it is important to have the plan B
spelled out, written down in a place that you have access to, and rehearsed a
few times with a trusted friend.
Have a joyful and healthy holiday
season!
